Boyfriend didn't tell his female friend we were dating; should I be worried?

Title pretty much sums it all up. We've been off and on for maybe three years now, and we started up again about seven months ago, give or take. At first, we weren't sure if it would work out, so we didn't put a label on it or anything like that; we just went with the flow. But after about a month, we decided we wanted to be in a relationship again and made it official.

Moving along to his female friend, we'll call her Ally.

He and Ally go way back before he and I ever met. He loved her and asked her out, but she turned him down. But they had been good friends, so there were no hard feelings, really, and they have been friends ever since. When he and I started dating, he told me about her and wanted me to meet her and become friends with her, which I did, eventually. In fact, we're really good friends, now, and we talk quite a bit.

I mentioned to her (about a month after we started up again) that he and I started dating again, and she said she was happy for us. She then mentioned she had asked him about it a few days back, but that he had brushed over her question, which she found odd.

Turns out, during the whole 8 months we were together, he never admitted to being back with me. Never mentioned it and would change the subject or breeze over her question. So, naturally, she got upset and blew up at him, because she thought it wasn't right that he couldn't admit he and I were dating.

So he got upset at ME and demanded to know whether I had told her we were dating again. I told him I had, like 7 months ago, and he became very upset, saying it wasn't right of me to tell her and that I was pressuring him to be in the relationship. He didn't know at that time whether we were dating or not, and would have preferred if I asked him before telling her stuff. He didn't even tell his family we were dating again and it's no one's business but ours.

He then said he felt like he was being pressured to stay with me because I was telling everyone we were dating, which...WHAT. We both agreed we were in a relationship again, and I only told people who asked or who I was friends with. I didn't know that was against the rules in a relationship.

So I told him I didn't want him to feel like he HAD to be with me or that he was somehow tricked into dating me again, and I asked him flat out whether or not he wanted to date me again, and I told him that either was fine; I just wanted HIM to make the decision and acknowledge it. He said he wanted to be with me (but that he felt VERY VERY PRESSURED BY ME).

What bothers me, still, is that he couldn't admit to Ally that we were dating. Like he was ashamed of it or perhaps he was trying to keep things open in case she becomes single. She's told me that he talks with her about moving in with her one day (even though she's been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 6 years).

I've been debating whether I should leave him or stay with him ever since.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You should really leave him. It's clear that he's keeping his options for Ally.

    You're just some kind of backburner in case Ally will turn him down again.


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