Why was it SO much easier in high school than it is now?

I used to have no problem getting a boyfriend in high school. & now I've been out of high school for almost a year (in my first year of college) & I've been single for like two years now. I feel like its so hard to meet a guy now a days. I'm not the type of girl to go up to a guy, for some reason I get pretty shy when it comes to talking to guys at first. But if you really knew me, my personality is anything but shy. I've tried the whole online dating thing but all I ever see are creeps on there which makes me not wanna meet anyone in person & put in the effort so I just end up deleting my profile. I've been working on my confidence issues & they have gotten a lot better, I do believe that I'm pretty. Not conceided just confident :) & majority of the guys that I still talk to from high school just want sex & seriously its SO unattractive. Sadly I will admit that I'm shallow. Its just so hard for me to give a guy a chance & then when I see a cute guy I feel like they won't even give me the time of day. I'm shallow because past relationships have made me this way, my standards have just gotten higher. But I would much rather date a guy who is cute & has avoid personality then date a really hott guy who is a jerk. I just need help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Try going to public places and don't have headphones in your ears. Try going to one place few time because there are some guys:me for example only after seeing a girl few times they start to develope somekinda interest in her. When looking at someone make a friendly look like you're trying to invite him


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What Guys Said 5

  • 1. You are in college. Virtually all of the popular/good-looking/confident guys in college are in party mode (away from home, little responsibility, tons of freedom, and knowing that once school ends, they're going to have to focus on and sacrifice for their career for at least a couple of years). That means they're not looking for relationships; they're looking to have fun and get laid. Since you want a real relationship, you are totally wasting your time with these types of guys, because they'll never give you what you want.

    2. In high school, there were fewer people, more people knew each other, and everyone was on the same schedule. College is going to require a more active role if you want to meet people, but this is also going to be the last time in your life when you're around a high concentration of single people in your age group. If you think it's hard now, wait until you get home from college, and everyone has gotten married or moved away to take a job. You're completely spoiled right now and you don't even know it.

    The bottom line is that you need to take charge of your romantic life just like you need to take charge of the other aspects of it, like your education and your career. You aren't a kid anymore, and no one else is going to do this for you. You've got to put your shyness behind you and go after what you want. But you also have to look for what you want in places where you might actually be able to find it. Popular party boys aren't going to give you a relationship.

    If you want a relationship, that more or less leaves you with two choices:

    - Guys in your age group who are shy/geeky/less-confident with girls. To get these guys, you'll have to take more initiative, and few of them are going to look like Ryan Gosling or Tatum Channing, so you'll need to get over that shallow part of yourself. Most of these guys make good boyfriends, but you'll need to be a bit patient with them at first and you'll probably have to make the first move.


    - Older guys, in their late 20s or early 30s, who have already gotten their careers going and are more stable and past their Party Mode. These guys are much more likely to be ready and wanting a real relationship.

    The type of hot guys your age that you really want have a ton of options, and plenty of girls who will give them easy sex, so unless you are happy being just a conquest, you can pretty much forget about dating them.

    • You do make good points. First, I'm actually living at home right now because I go to a community college and I am working to save up money. I don't wanna date a guy who would be that much older than me, if I did that I would feel like we were in two different worlds and I want someone who is young and still wants to have fun. I've heard a lot of people tell me that guys don't like it when you go up to them and hit on them (making the first move) so is that true or not?

    • That's crap. Most (straight) guys want a girl, but MANY are afraid to risk rejection by just coming right out and asking you. They need to see some interest from you first before they'll take the (now lowered) risk of rejection. Still, remember that the guys who can get girls without too much trouble generally have lots of options and usually only want sex. You won't turn that kind of a guy into a relationship guy, so don't bother trying.

  • Because of your last sentence about dating a cute guy instead of a jerk, I could tell you are not so superficial as you think... It is OK to have standards. I can't say so much about dating, but when I think about it, everything was easier in high school, wasn't it? It's like we knew we don't have to be so serious about things, we knew we were young, and that we have time. Now everything is more serious... Anyway, do you make yourself look approachable? Maybe guys don't come up to you because you look disinterested or high maintenance... You could maybe try to go out more to some places you think you could meet guys that are interesting to you, etc...

    I sure hope that somehow it will get easier for all of us soon :)

    • Yeah everything is definitely a lot more serious now...lol well I do go to the gym a lot so I'm hoping something could maybe happen there because I think it would be a good place to meet a guy, staying in shape is important to me so if I could find someone with that similar interest that would be great!

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    • Well I mean we do get all sweaty and gross lol but I mean if I found the guy to be cute I guess I wouldn't really mind it. Plus you could go back there with them and stuff.

    • Well, that do make sense... I agree. Meeting someone at the gym would be nice.

  • I don't know why it's hard for some people, it's like it's written in the stars or something. I've asked myself that question a million times.

    I'm a 33 year old virgin. Somehow, in the face of rejection after rejection, I still managed to ask a girl out about 200 times in my life before I gave up.

    I'm nice looking, tall, healthy, smell good, dress well, intelligent... all I can figure is it's just not in the cards for me.

    What advice would I give a girl? Hmm... just be "around" guys, where they're at. Find an excuse for it, if it's a sport or something of interest. If you show yourself publicly around enough guys, some are going to notice you and come over and talk. Just be there. Show up.

    It's a lot easier for girls, just do your thing and wait. You don't have to try and figure out a way to make conversation happen without it looking cheesy, contrived, or desperate. It's a very tricky thing for a guy to do, I've failed every time.

  • Well your not that cute to have high standards

  • Because in high school, you're around people all day while after high school you have to put yourself around people. Not to mention that in high school, all you have to really do is look pretty. After graduation, people start to grow up and out of their high school selves so more effort is required besides just a pretty face.

    • That is very true. I do believe I have more then a pretty face...I'm just not really the type of girl to put myself out there but I'm trying to be because I don't wanna look back on my life regretting something I never did because I was too afraid.

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    • Well I can't change who I am.

    • Nobody is asking you to, and that's not what I said. You're thinking that people are judging you, when that's not the case. You do have to have a certain amount of "approachability" or be non-awkward enough to talk to, otherwise not many people are going to be comfortable going out on a limb to talk to you if they don't know you well.

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