I DO care for this girl, but don't want to date her. It's her birthday this weekend, what should I do?

So let me emphasize that I HAVE told this girl I don't want to date her, several times, both while drunk and sober. Problem is, I DO find her attractive, and we've been friends-with-benefits off and on for 3 years. She is a good friend of mine, and we're both part of a core group of about 8 friends who meet up every week/weekend to hang out. We get along well for the most part, but unfortunately I just can't see myself ever seriously dating her anymore.

Without going into great detail, a few years back I was totally heads over heals for this girl. sh*t happened, and while I ended up forgiving her for it I still can't forget how it felt to watch the girl I cared for walk out on me with an ex's arm around her, even if I later found out he'd threatened her (he's in jail, she hasn't spoken to him in 2 years, it's done). Before then if she'd asked to be in a relationship I probably would have said yes. I just don't feel the same anymore.

It's her birthday this weekend though, and I know she's expecting me to spend the night with her. I'd thought her birthday was next weekend, and currently have a date scheduled that same day with a beautiful girl I met a few weeks ago. I know my friend will get fiercely jealous if I tell her I can't come nor will I be with her that night cause I'm with another girl... but I don't know what else to do.

Is there any way I can convince this girl it's over without trashing her feelings?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Once someone hurts you deeply, even though you forgive them, sometimes you just can't see them the same way. You've been honest with her up to this point, so she knows you don't want anything more from her (at least she should).

    It's a tough situation, but you ultimately have to do what's right for you. You shouldn't have to put your dating endeavors on hold for her sake. Sure, maybe you shouldn't have planned a date on her birthday, but oh well...it's just a birthday.

    I would also highly recommend that you end your friends with benefits relationship with her. Even if she knows you don't want to date her, sleeping with her still sends mixed signals.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I would be honest with her.

    Will it hurt? Yes

    Will it be difficult? Yes

    But in the long run she will respect you the most for your honesty. Letting her know the truth about how you feel will give her the opportunity to meet other guys around her birthday and whatnot. I would let her know the truth as soon as possible so that you don't break her heart on her birthday. She will be jealous maybe, but prolonging letting her know the truth will only make things worse.

    Additionally, if by spend the night you mean sleeping or cuddling with her, then I would stop it immediately. Just try to distance yourself from her temporarily so that the two of you can move on more easily.


  • I would be honest. She already knows how you feel. Which is good. It's going to hurt regardless though. Since she probably cares more than you...I would end the FWB deal.


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