So let me emphasize that I HAVE told this girl I don't want to date her, several times, both while drunk and sober. Problem is, I DO find her attractive, and we've been friends-with-benefits off and on for 3 years. She is a good friend of mine, and we're both part of a core group of about 8 friends who meet up every week/weekend to hang out. We get along well for the most part, but unfortunately I just can't see myself ever seriously dating her anymore.
Without going into great detail, a few years back I was totally heads over heals for this girl. sh*t happened, and while I ended up forgiving her for it I still can't forget how it felt to watch the girl I cared for walk out on me with an ex's arm around her, even if I later found out he'd threatened her (he's in jail, she hasn't spoken to him in 2 years, it's done). Before then if she'd asked to be in a relationship I probably would have said yes. I just don't feel the same anymore.
It's her birthday this weekend though, and I know she's expecting me to spend the night with her. I'd thought her birthday was next weekend, and currently have a date scheduled that same day with a beautiful girl I met a few weeks ago. I know my friend will get fiercely jealous if I tell her I can't come nor will I be with her that night cause I'm with another girl... but I don't know what else to do.
Is there any way I can convince this girl it's over without trashing her feelings?
Most Helpful Girl
Once someone hurts you deeply, even though you forgive them, sometimes you just can't see them the same way. You've been honest with her up to this point, so she knows you don't want anything more from her (at least she should).
It's a tough situation, but you ultimately have to do what's right for you. You shouldn't have to put your dating endeavors on hold for her sake. Sure, maybe you shouldn't have planned a date on her birthday, but oh well...it's just a birthday.
I would also highly recommend that you end your friends with benefits relationship with her. Even if she knows you don't want to date her, sleeping with her still sends mixed signals.0