Questions for overweight people

I hope I don't offend anyone with this question but I need to ask about this. While I live a busy life, I have an online dating profile up that I look at when I get a message but I don't go online messaging girls trying to pick up dates because I am busy. I am in-shape and workout very often. I notice that I get messages every so often from overweight women and I am not attracted to overweight women. So it brings me to these questions.

Do these women realize that I don't reply to them because they are overweight?

I'd also like to know, are overweight people willing to date other overweight people? I ask this because I was talking to someone once who was getting to know a woman over the phone and he was telling me he was worried that she was overweight when he himself is extremely overweight which makes no sense to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think women are more aware of it than men, this site is the perfect example, countless guys come on here whinging and acting like they are entitled to the hottest, skinniest chicks, there sooooooo many questions like "I'm a average joe, how do I get a heidi klum? isn't that what I deserve? I shouldn't have to lower my totally unrealistic standards just because I got hit with the ugly stick and am 50lbs overweight, girls shouldn't be so shallow they should judge me for what's on the inside, even, if I myself only care about the superficial"

    I have never once seen the equivalent rant from a girl, most girls are painfully aware of the realities of being bigger or plain.

    but also remember just because someone is overweight doesn't suddenly make them immune to liking people skinnier than themselves, I agree people should seek out an equal and have realistic expectations, but it's also condescending and mean to be like "oh my god, does that fatty think she deserves me?" why can't you just take it as a compliment and leave it at that?

    • I do take it as a compliment and move on. I only really asked this due to the repeated times I have been messaged online. I wouldn't even feel comfortable replying back nicely informing them that their weight is the reason I am not interested and this is through the internet.

    • i go for girls who have never been asked out or approached before and they call me ugly, can't lower my standards anymore

    • maybe that's your problem, you view those girls as the bottom of the heap and they probably pick up on that, no one wants to be someones last resort, just because they're not beautiful doesn't mean they don't have self respect and don't deserve to be with someone who values them instead of someone who thinks of them as a desperate last resort to match your own lack of self confidence.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Most big girls know we are overweight and that many men don't like it.they're just playing the numbers game, if they hit on enough hot guys one of them is bound to say yes

    My boyfriend isn't fat though, we met offline and he pursued me. But I've dated overweight guys, as long as they are attractive facially, not obese and I like his personality I'd date him

  • Ha! The anonymous guy below explains guy's attitude to a T:

    If a woman has a visual preference, she is bad:

    "Women seem to be more shallow today about heavier people since everyone apparently thinks they deserve a super model."

    ...But guys just can't help what they want:

    "With regards to attraction, it's your preference to be attracted to thin and in-shape girls."

    • I definitely do see the double standard you are referring to and I don't think it should be gender specific. Personally, I think similar body types should be compatible to each other.

      I was thinking about how weird it is for the guy I was talking to to want an in shape girl when he himself is very overweight. This guy would also talk about how things should be about love and caring and blah blah blah yet then he starts getting picky about body type and everything changes.

    • ha, yeah you totally nailed it, notice how he's willing to make all kinds of allowances and excuses for bigger guys, "these people are in phenomenal shape, but have genetics working against them" but where girls are concerned in shape always means thinness. "it's your preference to be attracted to thin and in-shape girls."

    • Anonymous,YOU have the best answer.I can't stand society and its gross double standards.God forbid a woman has a preference,but suddenly is okay for a guy to have over the top preferrences and its just suppose to be normal and accepted,regardless of how far fetched it is.Pah-leese.

  • I would imagine they know that they're being rejected for being overweight. They may have just figured they'd message anyone they found interesting or attractive.

    Most overweight women exclusively date overweight men, but most overweight men seem to be in denial about it. There are some women like that, though. It just seems like fewer. Look at most sitcoms -- there is a chubby or downright fat husband and a thinner wife. Most women don't prefer it that way, but if it comes down to a guy who cheats or hits you and a fat guy, we'll overlook the fatness. I think it depends on how overweight the people are, of course, too. A woman can be at a healthy BMI and still be visually considered overweight to many men, because most guys prefer a woman who is thinner than average, rather than average. For example, a healthy BMI is considered 18.5-24.5, but most women aren't considered "hot" if they cross about 21. Though, with more guys getting into body-building, this may change what is considered 'average" for a male, as well.


What Guys Said 2

  • As an overweight man, that basic math and science would call obese, I'll share my thoughts:

    1. Being overweight does mean less people will be attracted to you. I'm sure most overweight men and women know there will be people who can't handle it, as there will be other people who don't mind.

    2. As for being willing to date an overweight person, I wouldn't mind dating a woman who is overweight, but it doesn't mean that's my preference or that I would only date overweight women.

  • Sometimes people are overweight through no fault of their own. For example, I have a friend who runs 10k's, works out every day and he's "fat". Look at a guy like Vince Wilfork who plays for the New England Patriots, he can beat Tom Brady in a 40 yard dash. I mean these people are in phenomenal shape, but have genetics working against them. Women seem to be more shallow today about heavier people since everyone apparently thinks they deserve a super model. I wouldn't plan on being thin forever yourself as you may run into obstacles later in life that prevent you from being able to work out and packing on pounds instead. With regards to attraction, it's your preference to be attracted to thin and in-shape girls.

    • Yeah I see people who are out of shape lifting much heavier at the gym than I could)althought many cheat on their form). I would like to think that if they stay dedicated that it would change. I have heard stories like that though.

    • Again look at some pro athletes who are in incredible shape, yet are fat. Sometimes a persons body composition is outside of their control.