Ive been seeing my 1st boyfriend for 8 months now. Known him for 10. I've never met any of his family members, none of his co-workers, never been invited to any of his friends house for weekly get-togethers (even tho I've met these weekly get-together pals at my boyfriend home almost every Saturday for 10 months). Its pretty clear I'm not "one of the fellas".(more like they tolerate my presence Because they are at his house and I'm HIS guest) I should also mention I've been exclusively dating women all my dating life up until 8 months ago. I was the "stud/masculine role" in my girl/girl relationships. I still wear men's clothing (I can't afford a new wardrobe right now and he can't either). Basically, I feel like I'm his dirty little secret Because he is non-contact when we're in public. like we're just platonic buddies to the outside world. I tried some light PDA once and he shut it down immediately, but when we're alone he's affectionate and cuddly. there's been 3 holidays pass and he was invited to my family's home to celebrate, each time he found an excuse not to come after he said he would. Id also like to add even tho I wear men's clothing I'm OBVIOUSLY a woman, men & women I hang around knew I was a chick the moment they met me. most guys in the neighborhood have told me how sexy/beautiful etc I am. (not bragging but I KNOW everybody we are around on a regular basis knows I'm a woman without a doubt)
Recently I've had another male sutor very interested in me. He encourages PDA (no matter how I dress) and even tho we have never done anything, I know his mother and his siblings. He has offered to bring me to his job, and out on dates & a week long vacation he's taking. Only thing about this new guy is that he's 50 and I'm 25 (as of this coming May). I know this guy won't have me be a secret or be ashamed of being seen with me in public date-type situation, which appeals to me. and otherwise his personality is good. My only real problem with this guy is 1. he is sex crazy right now 2. he's 50. He says he wants to be with me in a relationship but he's always dropping sexual hits and such, which makes me think he's just in it for the sex but will keep me around long term Because its a feather in his cap to score a young hottie...which makes me feel like a show pony.
so what's worse? Being a dirty secret or a show pony? (at least show ponies get superstar treatment)
Most Helpful Girl
Both situations sound equally bad because neither one is healthy. I would never stay with someone who appears to be hiding our relationship. Sure, he can explain it all away but your gut instinct is the one you should go with and I think you are on target. You don't even have to know if he is trying to hide your relationship, all you have to know is if you feel good about how things are going between you. I certainly wouldn't like feeling like I was being tolerated by my guy's friends. In the long run that doesn't work out well.
As far as the older man goes, it's all fine and dandy to have a guy who sees you as a feather in his cap if he scores you, but that only lasts so long and then, if there is no emotional connection, he will lose interest and so will you. If you dropped the guy you were with and actually considered dating the older man, well I would take great care to leave sex out of the equation and make sure there is something more than just sexual attraction on his part (and something more than you wanting a guy chasing you) before I let things become physical. Good luck.1