I confessed my feelings to a girl and I feel like it ruined everything...

There's a girl I've known for about 2 years. She's in her early 20s and I'm late 20s. We started off as not so close friends and over time we became really close friends. She and I often hanged out (just 2 of us), text, and talked over the phone. We often shared our daily experiences, secrets, and so forth. Of course in the beginning, I wasn't that interested in her because I felt our age difference might be too large. However over time I started to develop more feelings for her.

Anyways, to cut the intro short, about 3 weeks ago I told her I like her and am interested in her. Her initial reaction was positive. I even asked her if she wasn't interested then it's okay to let me know honestly and I would respect her decision. She didn't reject me and asked me what I wanted to do with her going forward. I replied that I wanted to take things slow and see her more often. She said okay at the end of the night I took her home feeling pretty good. We text each other as usual and wished each other a good night.

The following day I messaged her and wished her good luck with school as her new semester was just beginning. However, she didn't reply back and it took 2 more days before she sent back anything. I replied back and then no reply from her for 10 days. Okay, I'm starting to get the hint from here on out, but I felt maybe I should give her time and space before jumping to any conclusions.

Anyways, after she replied back we began chatting and talking as usual like before. And before I had to go back to my city (I'm returning back to her city in a month though) I asked her out one more evening, which she agreed. That evening started out well and then towards the end, it got extremely awkward and we decided to end the night. So I called her late that evening and she ripped me to shreds. She said what I told her 3 weeks ago was heavy and it gave her too much responsibility, and she didn't like the fact that I pretended like nothing happened by not contacting her for so many days. She also said she just wanted to focus on herself for now and didn't want to deal with guys. Okay I understand that and she rejected me but what's with the hate? She was the one who didn't reply to any of my messages?

She also went on to say that although I'm leaving the city tomorrow, her life still continues here, and then she hung up on me. So the next day I left and she didn't even say bye to me or whatever, didn't like any of my FB posts as I wanted to say bye to all my friends. And nothing for the past week.

Honestly, what should I do? Should I apologize to her. I mean I still want to be friends with her, and her rejecting me I'm completely okay with it. She did mention to contact her when I come back though.

Girls and guys, please help me out. I appreciate it!

Update: I finally messaged her a couple of days ago after giving us a couple weeks to cool down, but she never replied back. I just told her I still want to be friends, and I won't bring this situation up again, but nothing for 3 days now. I don't know, I guess there's not much left to do except to move on. I'm kinda depressed even though I should just shrug it off like it's nothing, but it's so hard. I guess my feelings for her are really strong. Just sad now T_T


Most Helpful Girl

  • apologize for what ? you did nothing wrong what so ever . she should apologize to you if anything . even if she didn't feel that way about you she didn't have to be such a bitch about it . that was not right of her . she could have just been a lady about it and told you she didn't feel like that and kept the friendship . I think what happen was is she liked you as a friend and when she found out you had feelings for her she didn't feel the same way and probably felt like she couldn't be friends in the same way anymore and it might have upset her but still she didn't have to be like that . she just didn't want to deal with your feelings for her basically . I would just tell her you didn't mean to mess up the friendship and that you still want to be friends if you can and if not then just let it go .

    in my opinion this girl don't seem like much a friend to you either , if one of my male friends that I new for 2 years told me that and I didn't feel the same way I still wouldn't ignore him and act like that . this girl is not takeing your feelings in to consideration at all and that's not cool .

    • You're bang on about her attitude towards me. I was just kind of unsure if it was really my fault for messing this up and whether I should apologize or not. I mean why should I apologize for being honest and saying my feelings in the first place. And you're right, she hasn't been treating me kindly, even before I confessed to her. It's almost like she's been taking me for granted the whole time. I mean I've always been there for her so maybe she doesn't respect me anymore.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like she has issues. Try apologizing and saying you want to be friends like before, no pressure. If it doesn't work, then just assume she has issues to sort out and move on with your life. She can contact you once she sorts herself out.

    You obviously can't change the past, so try not to dwell on it.

    • Yeah, I agree with the moving on part! I already said sorry during my final evening with her. Nothing changed so it is what it is. I cannot reverse my feelings for her either except to just cut my losses and move on. It's really too bad cause I lost out 2 years on this and neglected other opportunities.

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    • Thank you for the positive words! Really appreciate it! I won't be trying too hard though. Maybe just let it happen naturally so it wouldn't be so difficult (^_^)

    • Good luck~

  • Im having the same issue but the genders are switched. Haven't really heard from him in 10 days also.

    Dont apologize. I think its a great thing when a guy is able to confess their feelings. I can't imagine being a guy and having the guts to make a move like that. So risky and scary. So good for you.

    I always want the guy to text me. Text her ask her how she is, tell her about your day. Try to have a normal conversation. If she doesn't reply I would say honestly move on. It would be her loss. Don't kick yourself though if it doesn't work out. I envy you.

    • Hey thank you for the kind support! I hope your man messages you back soon, cheer up^^

      Yeah, it was quite the roller coaster ride the day confessed to her. I might have stumbled a bit at times but at least I was able to get it off my chest regardless of whatever her answer was. I mean at least I don't have to live the rest of my life wondering what could've been.

  • personally, I think it might be the distance thing. How far apart do you two live?

    • Thanks for your input. Yeah, the distance thing would be a huge problem, but I'll be going back to her city within a month so it's not the main issue. And to answer your question, we live far far apart!

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    • Yeah, it's confusing, yet I figure it would be a good idea to get some input here before I move on. To back track, I said to her "I really like you and interested in more." I also went on to thank her how she really helped me get over a previous relationship from 3 years ago and inspired me to follow my dream again! That's the only thing I could remember saying but it's nothing to be mad about. Did that put too much responsibilty on her? I don't think it should. She doesn't owe me anything.

    • gee whiz no t at all. youve done really good. I don't know what her problem is, you sound like a good catch to me! ;)

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