I honeslty cannot see myself in a relationship or married

Well I am a very independant girl, I work , I will go to school soon and I do everything on my own. I dated a guy for 3 years on and off and it was very hard for me to open up to him, letting him into my world, it was hard for me to take him home to mom cause to be honest I was so afraid that he wouldn't like me or my life so I always kept him on the outside.

Now after 3 years he looks at me in a different way, he doesn't see my as someone he could be in a relationship with , cause he is currently dating a more girlie house hold girl, and I'm more like a buisness woman type, and I got very hurt cause deep deep inside I so love him and I so want to show him that I can be a girlfriend material girl,

I was always there for him and I always showed I cared and he took me for granted so I put up my walls higher but he still hurt me.. and now I can't see myself dating or being in a relationship or even married..no one would keep up with me

a guy friend told me I should be a politician cause I am annoying and hard to deal with ..i laughed

but sometimes I use that as a defence mechanism so I won't let people inn..

i wish I could go back 6 months to tell the guy I was dating that I really want him in my life, and I regrett leaving his soccer game cause I got to bored and I regrett leaving and going home on our last date when he told me he really wanted me to stay

but it was all so unreal cause he never really showed me that he cared about me and wanted me as his girlfriend so I kept my wall up..

i miss him a lot and he did contact me 4 weeks ago telling me how he really wants me as his friend and I don't want to contact him cause he hurt me..he left me..i hope in a few months I heal and can be friends again

what to do

btw he said he really wants me as his friend but yet he doesn't say happy birthday on my birthday ,..


Most Helpful Guy

  • move on, but FIRST, make a conscient desicion of what you really want, WE ALL HAVE WALLS, every single one of us, and the reason most relationships fail is because, a relationship┬┤needs love, and love needs trust and trust REQUIRES faith, somewhere I read that it is like bunji jumping, it IS scary, and may even be potentially FATAL, many things can go wrong, yet we want to experience it :P BUT only way to experience it is by taking THE LEAP, but what most people do, is stay in the edge, look down, move forward, move back, look, move again, and goes on forever, until one of the 2 or both gets tired, IF you want to jump, JUMP, if you don't or are not sure, then do go up there and spend time in the edge hesitant.

    maybe he didn't show you real love, maybe you didn't see it, maybe he was as scared as you, still you can not control IF/WHEN he jumps, but you can control your own jump, so yes, you should have shown him (or shown him more) that you were the girl he dreamed, again, you may have not let it shown, or you may but he didn't really see it, you know fear makes us stupid.

    we all have our defece machanisms, but jumping to the pool with floaties is not really swiming, no matter how much you want to believe it, defence mechanisms and other instincs are with us for a GOOD reason, they keep us safe, but in love, we have to sacrifice some comfort and safety in order to TRULY live.

    if you are the way you say you are MOST guys will have to change some of their viewpoints, and change paradigmas, learn to appreciate some things they were not their cup of tea before you, learn to understand you, but most will be happy to TRY, but you really have to also grant the same for them.


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What Guys Said 4

  • You hurt yourself. Don't blame him. He is emotionally available. You are the coward afraid of getting hurt. Your ego is too big. Shame on you for blaming him.

    Look honey, stay single until you're bored with your career. Don't get married or have kids until you are done being obsessed with yourself. It's not fair to others to be objects sitting around waiting until YOU have time in your busy schedule for them.

    I suffered a long, slow, painful death by neglect that way at the hands of a "business woman".

    I banged my heart against her walls for so long until I had no love or dignity left.

    Don't do that to a man. If you are so gung ho...stay single and by a vibrator or 7.

    When you're bored with you then bring others into your life. If you don't you'll just be adding guilt to your already full plate.

    • I do blame him cause he has done things to me in the past.. yes like not showing up to our hotel weekend I booked ..and he didn't pick up didn't call

      than deleted me on fcb

  • Very long? Lol okay so here just go atta guy! I mean unless yes out of you league I really wouldn't know, but just try 10 seconds then ask

  • You should move on

    someone much better will enter your life

    and you will forget about this guy

  • You should just move on and find a new guy for yourself.


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