Honesty ruined it. Can anything be salvaged?

Recently, I reconnected with a college classmate online. Though we live in the same city, I was off traveling in Cuba for a month. He sent some music to me through a mutual friend. I thanked him for it. This led to many, many friendly back-and-forth messages on Facebook. He liked a tremendous amount of my FB pictures and posts during that time. So much so, that my friends would ask, "Who is that guy flirting so brazenly on your FB page?" He asked me when I would return from Cuba. The morning that my flight took off, he sent me a message that read, "Almost." When my flight landed, I found that he had sent me his phone number.

Though I wasn't attracted to him in college, I felt very curious about him. I loved his messages; they were thoughtful, witty, and engaging. I texted him and invited him to meet me out with a bunch of friends. When he showed up, I surprised myself; I felt so wildly attracted to him. We stayed with my friends for some time and then went to his place where we talked most of the night. No kissing. No funny business. The next week, he came to my birthday party. At the end of the night, when we were alone together, I asked him if we had our flirt on, so to speak. He told me that he did like me, but he was unsure what he could consistently offer at this time. I said, "Alright. I can be a good friend." I thought that I could. But though I tried to remember his words, his messages seemed mixed. He texted me every day after my party. I mentioned that he had looked nice with a shaven face at school. He sent me a picture of him newly shaven. He sent a text saying that he loved my voice and found it calming. He told me that he had driven by my apartment one day after work, surprising himself. I went away for a two day period and when I told him I had returned, he came to my house and threw pebbles at my window. But when he came upstairs, we just spoke. No kiss. No funny business. When he left, I felt very riled up. The chemistry between us felt electric to me. I was unsure how to hide it. The next night I explained the situation to a friend. We had been drinking. She encouraged me to pursue a straight answer. I am so angry at myself. I got in a long FB chat with him when I was home and confessed that I was no good at this friendship thing, I wanted very much to kiss him, and I didn't understand why he wanted to spend so much time with me if he wasn't attracted. He said that it was a general thing, that he felt he needed to be on his own for a while. Since then, we have not been texting one another. Though he did send one text of a sad emoticon a week ago, but nothing more. I've erased his number from my phone to prevent myself from further humiliation. I feel so sad that I ruined our promising friendship. I do like him, even if it cannot be physical, but I also wish I could salvage something romantic. Should I have any hope? Is there anything that can be done? It is one week since we've had contact. He is still liking my posts on FB.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Think about it logically. You told him about your attraction and in spite of all thay he still persists with contacting you.

    The only salvaging to be done is to do with you. Stop being so afraid of messing up, I know you knew him back then but you're not still in college, you should have grown out of such trivial things.

    I would personally say his behavior is bizarre for a straight man, because it just screams interest. So anyway, stop hiding from him and start talking again. Oh, and if you ever raise the topic of the relationship again then make sure to do it face to face. These things are always best done in person.

    • Point taken. It seems generous to even call the behavior collegiate. It is very juvenile. I suppose I just feel overly exposed.

    • Gotta expose yourself first if you ever want to let people in

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What Guys Said 2

  • It couldn't be salvaged anymore. You should move on now.

  • Moving on seems best. Start fresh and learn from all your mistakes.


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