Newly Dating and he finds out his dad has cancer. What do I do?

I literally met this guy two weeks ago. We had a FANTASTIC first date. He put in more effort than any other guy I've ever dated for a first date. Conversation for the most part flowed easily and I found myself feeling really comfortable around him. I met him for dinner, followed by drinks and got home four hours later. Needless to say we both had a great time. We both said how good of a time we were having multiple times during the date. He set up the second date immediately following the first date. This time it was a surprise. I couldn't help but feel excited about him and what our future could be It was a week before our second date. Texting off and on all week. The night before our second date rolls around. He sends me the address of the location and tells me to bring a jacket because it might get cold. I was so excited I could barely sleep that night. Well at about 230 in the morning (that same night) I get three long texts from him. Telling me I had guessed correctly on where we were going and that he was sorry to disappoint, but he had to cancel. He found out news earlier that would require him to spend the day with his family. He even offered to give me the tickets (rooftop tickets to watch a Cubs game...totally awesome!) since he didn't want me to think he was a flake. I told him to not worry about it and that I hoped everything was alright and if he needed someone to talk to, I'm here. I asked if he wanted to reschedule and he said he did. Two days later we were watching the Bulls game at a local bar. The date was fun but not as fantastic as the first. Sometimes I just think the second dates are more awkward than the first. It's sometimes harder to find things to talk about because its still surface level but now you want to know more about the other person, but what do you ask without coming off as an interview or to strong? Anyway I asked how his family was and he ended up telling me that he's dad had cancer a few years ago and ended up with a liver transplant. Well this past fall he was finally said to be in remission. Which is great news. Well that night he cancelled he found out the cancer was back. And his dad is like his hero. So since that news he's been understandably distant. I don't know what to do now...i asked if he wanted to get together since this week is going to be busy for me. It took him almost a full day to respond and he said he was going to be busy with family stuff/going to be out of town for about the next two weeks. But if I Skyped to add him and that he hoped I was having a good day. I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. I like him, but don't know if I like him enough to wait (as crappy as that sounds). But it's also only two weeks and if it were me, I'd want to spend every free minute with my dad as well. So I understand..but we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend yet either...I barely know him. What do I say? What do I do? I think I could wait a few weeks.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand you don't want to overstep because you two are not official. At this point, don't try to hang out with him...he has too much going on. Instead, be his rock; tell him that if he needs someone to talk to or just needs someone, he can come to you. Then leave him alone. Maybe every 3-4 days if you don't hear from him, ask if he's doing okay.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Lets think about what you should do...aside from the cancer issue...

    You don't know if you like him enough to wait...what a few weeks? People get busy with schedules in life...and sometimes in dating, this could be a good thing.

    What I've learned is that its better to go slow than go fast when getting to know somebody. A few weeks is not that long, and he's gonna be busy, so its not like he's gonna be dating another woman. These two weeks will establish whether he's somebody you're going to miss if he leaves your life, and visa versa with him. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

    Obviously, this is a much more complicated situation with his family issues. Your best bet is to be honest with him because he'd appreciate it. We guys hate the games that come along with dating, and with his situation the games would make it worse. Simply say to him, "I know you're going through a lot right now, and I want to make sure I don't over step my boundaries during your difficult situation and feel like a bother, but I'll be here for you if you need anything."

    This tells him that you're interested (as it seems you are), yet you don't want to be too overbearing. It also lets him know that you can be a potential caring partner.

    Make sure you don't say anything you don't mean. If you legitimately don't feel like dealing with someone with such a terrible issue, then you may want to simply let your dating fizzle out. However, if you like him enough to stick with him, you may find it might be worth it.

    All depends on whether you're up for the challenge I suppose. Good luck and hope it works out.

  • Give him his space, let him know that you're going to not press him for any time, if he wants or needs you you're there, but don't keep yourself from potentially meeting a new guy.

  • It seems that he's in a rough patch of his life.

    Try giving him space, whilst letting him know that you're always there for him.


What Girls Said 1

  • just be there for him and be undderstanding

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