What are some red flags to look for when it comes to dating ?

When dating what are some signs that things aren't going to work out or that you are with someone that could end up being abusive.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Based on what I read in another comment, from someone who studies this...run.

    Here are a few red flags:

    -He calls girls 'bitches' or stereotypically refers to them negatively as a whole.

    -He assumes expects you to be 'different'.

    -He gets attached quickly. (Which means he's emotionally impulsive.)

    -He gets irrationally jealous or possessive.

    -He doesn't make you feel respected.

    -He wants in your pants too quickly.

    -He slut shames women.

    -He controls your actions and whereabouts and doesn't trust you. ("Those shorts are too short. You can't wear them. I don't want other guys looking at you." Etc)

    -He basically treats you like an object or slave. You're 'his' and he'll do as he pleases. ("You're MY girlfriend. We're having sex. It's part of your JOB."

    This list goes on. Basically...it leads to much worse. :-/ It's not so bad now...but...it grows the more he thinks you 'belong' to him. (It's one thing to equally belong to one another, and an entire other to think of them having specific obligations to you.)


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What Guys Said 7

  • I think power and control are the main elements of an abusive relationship. I think people also jump to the conclusion that females are the only ones being abused. The population of abused men is extremely under reported. Women can be very emotionally abusive.

    If anyone, male or female seeks to control and have power over their partner, emotional or physically, the relationship could be an abusive one.

  • here's something that not a lot of people talk about.

    when you and him are at a restaurant, how does he treat the waiter and staff?

    if he's impolite, disrespectful, not courteous to the staff, you know how he treats people who he isn't trying to impress.

  • I don't know about abusive, but my personal red flags are:

    -Daddy issues

    -Dated bad boys

    -Far more guy friends than girl friends

    -Types of pictures she takes

    -Is the way she dresses advertising sex

    -Drinks every weekend

    -Parties every weekend

    And so forth.

    • Are there ANY females without some form of daddy issues? Lol. I love and adore my father, and there are no awkward rape/sexual issues...perhaps it's a certain level? But I feel like every father/daughter pair have some kind of clear theme in either direction. Where's the line?

    • (Lest there be some confusion, I don't intend this abruptly or rudely, but wondering how you would define it personally, or what most guys would avoid? What are 'red flags' of 'daddy issues'?

    • Usually only male friends as they try and replicate/replace daddy.

      A gril with only male friends is a major red flag in itself.

  • If the guy has more than 1 child from a different mother.

  • Tattoos


    Excessive Drinking

    Drug Use

    Came From A Single Parent Home

    Has A Kid

    Mental Disorder

    Had An Abortion

    Excessive Guy Friends/No Same Sex (girl) Friends


    Just Out Of A Relationship


    Bad With Money

    Sex Before Building Base/"Sex Bond" Instead Of A "Real" Bond

    Daddy Issues

    • How would having a kid equate to a 'red flag'? Relatiomships do end because of the other half, you know that right? And 'mental disorder' is inaccurate to consider a 'red flag' unless they divulge it...not everyone tells or gets themself diagnosed. When I was young...my ex 'didn't have bipolar' or

      any psychotic temper disorders. Except he did, and didn't get diagnosed sp

      He wouldn't have the label. Tattoos? I don't have any, but that's not an indicator. These aren't factual in the least.

    • Show All
    • Yes, there are exceptions to every rule but life is about making smart decisions that mitigate risk to ensure long term happiness. There are countless posts (probably 90%) on this site from both men and women who if they had an ounce of common sense would be able to save themselves a ton of trouble.

    • Coming from the psy field everyone has some kind of emotional issue, most could be diagnosed with something (If you say you don't then your in denial), please remember that and try to stop judging people. I do recognize that trying to live with someone with borderline personality disorder or bipolar might be complicated. Also you have a limited view of tattoos, they are cultural, social, and a form of artwork. It's OK if you don't like them/want to see someone with them, but don't reject them

  • It would be when he wants to sleep with you at the end of the date.


What Girls Said 4

  • He tries to seduce you too early (like second date)

    He nags at you for sex

    He says he is an impatient guy

    He is afraid of commitment

    He talks about having a lot of sex partners

    He does everything you ask of him (too good to be true)

    He is touchy on the 1st few dates

    He is fraudulent (schemes friends, family, government for money)

    Does drugs, has a history of drug use

    Has been arrested and when asked about it brushes it off

    Gets mad at you for small things

    Never discusses a problem face to face with you but over phone/email when he is wrong

    Blames you for the faults in the relationship

    You both have different goals

    When asked where do you see this going: he says to have sex and be friends

    Flirts with other girls

    Talks to a stranger too easily (a player)

    calls you baby more than he calls you by your name

    Can only go out on his terms

    Gets jealous if you spend time out with friends

    Accuses you of cheating

    Lies about small things like age etc

    Always has an excuse as to why he did not call or can’t go out

    Goes days without calling you

    Doesn’t call you his girlfriend around friends

    Every time you two meet you have sex; he is using you; you are not getting to know each other

    NB: Listen to your gut there are many more. Normally your gut is speaking the truth

    I am just speaking from experience

  • There's not really specific things we can tell you - you have to decide that for yourself.

    Whenever he does something that makes you uncomfortable or you get an uneasy feeling, that's a red flag.

  • Does he get jealous of your friends or family when you hang out with them? Does he have to know where you are at all times? Is he committing to you rather quickly? Has he ever taken his anger out on something smaller than him (like a pet)?

    Sadly, my older brother has all of these signs. I'll be keeping an eye on his girlfriend for sure.

    • he has been rather jealous lately and seems to be getting attached far too quick. :/ recently he got mad at me for hanging with my best friend (who happens to be gay), He has a cat but he seems to take care of it and treat it well. He does have a temper and it seems like the smallest things will cause him to blow up. :c

    • What makes you think it is your job to keep an eye on HIS girlfriend? It's not your business I think. You should do your life.

    • She doesn't have any family she'll be able to go to. Someone has to be there for her if my brother hurts her.

  • You can't figure it out on the first few dates. But listen carefully what is he saying about women. Check on him if he is very interested what are you checking on your phone, do it on purpose. If he is a jealous person he might be uncontrollable and hit you.