Is she afraid of taking our friendship to another level?

I have a really close friend (we're mid 20s). We first started off by dating when we met but it flamed out after a month. We kissed at one point but she stated she wasn't feeling a 'spark'. We use to be affectionate during that time (locking arms, her putting her head on my shoulder, etc). She even would talk to her friends & family about me. Well, when she told me she no longer had feelings for me and gave me the "we're just friends" speech I left. A week later we resumed talking but were not dating anymore. However, since then we have grown much closer together. We have hung out numerous times (which may have well been considered dates - drinks, movies, comedy show, etc.). Now we are even more affectionate with one another. We have slept with one another in the same bed (cuddled/spooning), held hands, messed around (haven't had sex though), rub noses together, and even kiss sometimes now. I know I am special to her and she likes me but why are we not dating when we are closer than before? She knows I like her (I've told her when she asked). How do I light a major flame under her to decide what she wants?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Your question really breaks my heart because I've been here before. You need to have an honest talk with her. Frankly it sounds like she is stringing you along because it benefits her ego, but she doesn't have to make it official. You sound like a caring, insightful person so please don't pour your heart into someone who will not treat you with dignity and respect. If you're OK with just being friends with benefits that's fine, but if you're romantically invested and she's not then you may end up getting hurt. Ask her honestly what is going on and then if she won't put a 'relationship' label on it- you'll know where you stand with her. Best of luck!

    • I did just that and told her again how I felt. We are going to have a serious talk when she comes back from vacation. She wants to exchange letters (that's a new one for me). Thanks for the advice!

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  • You should ask her out. Tell her you have feelings for her.