....is he busy/stressed or just losing interest in me??

I have been dating this personal trainer from my gym for 2 months and we have gone on 6 dates during this time (I was on vacation for 2 weeks at the start so we didn't see each other). He initiated the first 4 dates and I initiated date 5. I was waiting for him to initiate a 6th date but he didn't, yet he continued to initiate texts (texts seem to be 50:50) and ask open ended questions when we text (i.e., me: how was your day? him: good ____. How was yours?). Thus, I decided to initiate a 6th date because I like seeing him once a week. He told me that he was busy but suggested we see each other the following week and texted me to schedule a date. We went on our date (once again, great!) and then another week went by without a date. Despite this, he continues to text me and come up to me to chat every time I am at the gym which is twice a week. Yet, lately we've been going on one date every other week...it started off with seeing each other once a week...

Every time we talk he keeps mentioning how he is super stressed with planning his mom's birthday and brother's bachelor party/wedding - both happening in 2 weeks!

I don't really know what is going on...is he busy/stressed or just losing interest in me?

**We have not had sex!

We are moving very slowly - he didn't kiss me until the 3rd date, makeout on the 5th and 6th (didn't attempt to have sex with me or ask me to 'come over to his place')
He has also paid for all of our dates (I have offered but he dosen't let me!) and drives an hour to see me...(I have offered to come over...)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, I'd say he's super interested, and super busy. You've been on several dates, you're moving slowly, but still forwards. If he were losing interest, he'd stop initiating texts, and he'd come up with excuses to stop going on dates entirely.

    This convergence of family birthday and wedding - especially the wedding! - are actually legitimate excuses. I'd say ride it out and wait until after the wedding dust settles, and then you'll be able to gauge his interest level more clearly.

    If I were in his shoes, I might be hesitant to move to quickly with you so that I don't feel obligated to invite you to a wedding in my close family. I also wouldn't want to scare you away, since social events like these tend to be markers of commitment in a relationship. It may be too early for that; I wouldn't want to jump the gun, i.e. invite the woman from the gym that I've been dating for one 1/2 months to what is the most important event in my brother's life... it's his day, after all.

    In the meantime, you can ask him about the preparations and such. Get a feel for who he is. If he frees up his schedule after the wedding, then he's legit on that front.

    • *too quickly

    • Hey! If we were interested wouldn't he make some time to try and see me once a week even for a couple of hours to chat? I thought guys always made time for women they were really into...?

    • Yes, that's generally true. You are very right to say that, and it's something I usually point out.

      However, in this case it really *is* possible that all he's thinking about is planning the bachelor party.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He's quite interested, unfortunately, he's just busy.


What Girls Said 1

  • obviously interested, definitely super busy and/or stressed

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