No dating experience, is this a good way to get there?

I used to be very shy, and then came out of my shell and made friends (grade 9 and beyond).

Now I'm done college but still have not had my first kiss! I'm 22.

However it wasn't until I got to college that I actually hugged a guy for the first time so sad.

Then, I wondered how to make guy friends, would blush while talking to guys I didn't even like! I'm Indian but born and brought up in Western society. However my parents were very strict and I think that has something to do with my lack of flirtation and interaction permitted with the opposite sex.

Anyways, I forced myself into uncomfortable situations and eventually learned now after 2 years how to become friends with guys and not be all weird/shy/awkward although it happens from time to time still. College guys pretty much rejected me romantically I think as no one ever made a move, except for one guy who I really didn't like.

Last year I went on pof, got like 3 first dates all guys were not my race. Mostly like non-Indian or white guys. These guys I wasn't really interested in after I saw them/got to know them and they didn't feel the same way as I never head back from them and one was a real jerk during the first date I really had.

Now I'm trying to read dating tips more frequently online...

my plan is 1) stop acting like a bitch/ignore guys I find attractive, as they've rejected me but need to stop feeling so bad and reject another guy if he likes me or not...but don't be rude is the motto.

2) try to increase my circle of guys I know (try to be more social somehow even though college is over) ANY IDEAS OF HOW TO GO ABOUT THIS?

3) Try to get my first kiss at club or somewhere lol I need this money off my back seriously, I feel lost. Any advice?

4) Loose weight! I'm current 175 lbs and have a medical condition which I'm monitoring but its hard for me to loose weight. I look like a size 8 because I'm 5 feet 7 and girlfriends say I look around 150 lbs. However I want to loose 30 lbs, that way I'll look around 135 lbs.

Guys I find attractive seem to like skinnier girls, so if I need to get to my "target market" I have to tweak the product I'm selling lol

Anyways, what do you guys think of my plan... I know its long but any comments/advice/tips etc. would help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • So I agree with #1 and #4.

    #1 is very important because of karma. You want to protect yourself from jerks, but at the same time, you don't want to be a jerk. What happens is a bunch of guys are jerks to you, so you act like a jerk to the one nice guy who isn't. Don't let this happen. You don't have to be a push-over or go along with a guy's plans, but don't be rude either.

    Be suspicious of what guys want, but humble and not rude. Also, don't completely ignore your parents wisdom.

    As for #4, it is a reality that thinner is more attractive, but don't obsess over looking exactly a certain way. This isn't the only important thing.

    At 5'7" you are also on the taller side for an Indian girl, so that stood out to me. You are average for a white girl, but tall for an Indian girl. This could work in your favor if you market yourself the right way. But you need to be aware that most non-Indian guys who think about Indian girls will presume they are very short.

    One of the biggest issues for you is that you straddle two different cultures. Guys will either see you as Indian or Western, when in reality you are both. Some nice guys may hesitate to get involved because they will assume your upbringing means that you could only ever be with an Indian guy raised the same way. Other Indian guys may similarly reject you because you are too Western.

    Try to be as upfront with guys as possible about your expectations. That will help.

    • Good advice, thank you!

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What Guys Said 8

  • So I am 27 and only just got my first kiss recently (I dated a chick I met online who had a lot in common with me; she wasn't very attractive physically but in terms of similar interests we shared a ton). We never went official though we did officially friend zone each other.

    1) I don't understand this very well, but I'll say that it goes without saying that one shouldn't be rude at all. There was a chick who sort of showed interest in me whom I met at a meetup group but she kept making fun of just about everyone at the meetup. I thought of making a move, but she seemed too caustic for my tastes -so I tried to talk with a different chick who had no interest in me.

    2) Meetup groups and online dating (half of my meetup groups are dedicated to professional networking, the other half dedicated to socializing and fun): link

    3) Before I lost my job I went clubbing every weekend... but don't kiss at the club! I recommend meeting a guy at a club and asking him to get late-night food with you or something and THEN seeing if he'd be up for hanging out again (and dating him properly). I was expecting my first kiss to be an open mouth kiss that lasted for a split second, but my date turned it into a french kiss that lasted almost 5 seconds. I don't think you want a split-second dry, close-mouthed kiss to be your first, but then again maybe you don't want a tongue-wrapping kiss either.

    4) I'm slightly over 5'8" and I weigh 150 lbs. I'm trying to get my body fat % lower so my six pack becomes visible, but I also have to eat a lot of protein and lift heavy so I don't lose muscle. If you end up shaped like Christina Hendricks ( link ) then you have a nice body. A little slimmer would be closer to ideal, but don't lose those curves!

    • 1) yeah I've learned that I have changed my approached and been nice!

      2) hmm maybe a networking group, online dating just makes me depressed lol

      3) I used to go clubbing a lot but with the girls I went with we just stopped talking (a few of us) and don't really have gf's to go out clubbing anymore,my other gf's are not the partying type

      With your kiss how did you know how to tongue?lol

      4) I'm not that curvy, I'm slimmer than that but I want my body to be a different type so I'm working on it.

    • 2) Well, if you are looking for guys you should focus on social groups (like bowling teams, or trivia night, or hiking buddies); networking groups are mostly for business reasons.

      3) I never approached girls who were with friends as they are very intimidating and would probably make jokes about me -regardless of whether they found me attractive or not. Going clubbing with friends means going home with friends for a guy. Actually, there are clubbing meetup groups, too.

      The tongue was her idea.

  • Well, I'm in the same boat, 20 and not had a kiss before. Since you're wanting to lose weight, why not try the Gym and most likely you'll find guys there, well you will. If you decide to go clubbing, go with some friends and I imagine you'd find guys there and get the kiss ticked off the list.

    I would say don't rush it, it'll happen eventually. Would you rather have the best first kiss ever, well planned like after a date for example; or some drunk low life snogging you?

    • That's true but I won't know what to do with myself if its someone I actually like and their like wtf how is she kissing, where is her head going... I don't want to awkwardly position my face etc. :S

      there's more at stake when its someone you really like than some random club dude.

    • I think if they like you as you like them, your first time isn't going to affect the future between you two. :)

  • Make some female friends and try to meet guys by getting to know them. They know guys so you can make friends through them. Also just be a generally nice person to both guys and girls. Make pointless small talk so they can see what you're like.

    • I have female friends and then I've met male friends through me...hence now I have more male friends lol

    • them**

  • I would go out with you if I could!

  • Slimming and study well. Outstanding talented you are, you do certainly can attract appreciate you man

  • well I'm healthy weight and girls hate me because I'm ugly so good looking guys aren't the only guys that exist . Give others a chance

    • I'm sure your not ugly but probably don't fit the generic stereotype of "hot" guys. Dress well, smell good and be nice and FLIRT and be funny. Sometimes girls who first don't think guys are good looking get to know them and they become good looking. Start off being friends first and then progress. I think its easier for guys to initiate because your suppose to generally. I don't want to get into a society debate but just saying.

    • there's a stereotype for hot guys ?

      I heard it all before , I do all of those , but I don't flirt because I have no one to flirt with and the fact that I never made a girl laugh or smile or want to talk to me means I'm not funny . If I could get a girl to want to be my friend then I would

  • It's quite a good way.

  • and I thought it was mostly guys who are late bloomers and inexperienced


What Girls Said 1

  • Go along with the 'easy' girls, make friends with them and see how they get guys at clubs or where-ever. They can give you some great advice too, I think.

    • I've done that, and then they look like me like omg look at Jesse? and can't believe I'm dancing with guys or whatever because I don't drink and they think I'm innocent lol but whatever.

    • Well it does help if you drink some alcohol.. makes you a bit more flirty so guys WILL get the message that you want to get close/kiss. It's really simple actually, I also always thought it was hard. I was 19 when I had my first kiss.

    • I'm actually allergic to alochol (long story) so that rules it out, but I can always "pretend" I'm drunk and be a bit more flirty.