Why is he hot and then cold? help! so confusing!

so me and my ex started seeing each other. it was good for a couple of weeks and then after that he became moody. when I care he doesn't care. when I act normally like a friend he gets upset and tells me I don't care. that he is saying better we see things first if we can really be back together. we broke up for 4yrs already. but I was shocked when he started contacting me again. and saying that he still loves me and wanna make things work out. but I don't seem to understand him because of these things. he is so moody. example when he texts or calls me I reply, I answer then in the middle of our conversation in text/chat he then disappears and won't reply.. but when I do that he gets pissed with me. its so unfair. I wanna understand him I tried talking to him but he is so sensitive and always tells me do what you want don't ask me. I don't smother him. there are times I'm shy to contact him also because he might be busy so there are some days I do send him a message asking how he is. then he will reply something sarcastic. its like he is a girl having period ya know. he will say something like "oh wow finally you texted.amazing" and ill be shocked. is it normal? I'm really having headache. because I always try to figure things out. but he confuses me a lot! HELP!

he says he came back because he appreciates me because he knows he won't find another girl like me. because I was really good to him. it was his fault that's why we broke up. its really a long story. that's why I had to summarize just the important things in my posts.

he is my 1st bf.and I never had a boyfriend again because I never liked the guys who have courted me even if they are goodlooking or whatever. I just really like this guy.
i know if its other girls they would dump him and won't care about him. won't even try to understand him.. he does contact me rarely these past 2 wks. he even told me he wanna see me. I am not sure what to do with him. when I try to forget about him and just focus on other things he then contacts me and say good things. its like he is bipolar. he told me I should be very patient with him.
he compares me to other girls who like him also.because he says they care.and me I dont.but when I care he will say no I don't need your help. I'm OK. blahx2 I don't wanna bother you. as in what the heck right. o_O; when I do the opposite he gets pissed and nags me


Most Helpful Guy

  • Many girls somehow believe that if they put up with a guy's bad behavior long enough, that he will eventually see how much she loves him, and will love and respect her equally in return. Unfortunately, this is a totally misguided notion.

    Most guys want a fun, self-confident girl, who respects herself, and who doesn't need him to have a good time. Once a guy knows you can't live without him, and will put up with any selfish or bad behavior he dishes out, your chances of keeping him challenged and interested in you goes right out the window.

    Not only should you respect other people, but you should demand the same degree of respect for yourself. You should never put up with any kind disrespect from anyone, especially a person you are in a relationship with. You will have a much better chance of keeping a guy interested in you if you stand up yourself, than if you allow him to walk all over you.

    Just remember that there are 4 billion guys on the planet. If the guy you are with starts displaying negative, or disrespective behavior towards you, be willing to walk away. If you do, it's very possible he will chase after you with new found respect. A respect he will never have for you if you can't respect yourself enough to leave.

    hope this helped :)

    good luck bud..!

    • Its weird. I feel this way. Its really a long story. I feel so attached to him because he is my 1st boyfriend and I never had a boyfriend again because I am really choosy. I did have other guys courting me but I never liked them. Just this guy that is why I am hurting very badly :(

      The thing is, like with what I said in my post earlier when I act normally and I give him space because we are not really together he reacts like a girl like saying blahx2 you don't care about me.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • He's hot & cold because he doesn't care about you and acts very immaturely. He's like a little boy who doesn't know what he wants. You want help? Dump his silly ass.

    You change your mind

    Like a girl changes clothes

    Yeah you PMS

    Like a b*tch, I would know

    And you over think

    Always speak critically

    I should know

    That you're no good for me

    'Cause you're hot then you're cold

    You're yes then you're no

    You're in then you're out

    You're up then you're down

    You're wrong when it's right

    It's black and it's white

    We fight, we break up

    We kiss, we make up


    You don't really want to stay, no


    But you don't really want to go-o

    • I was already thinking about that. I asked him many times to tell me what he wants. He confuses me always. But he never tells me what he wants. He just complains. Its like every move I make he reacts badly. He is so moody. He tells me he has many problems but I do believe if someone loves you they won't treat you like sh*t. Thank you for your blunt comment.

    • DanteSparda said it best... he knows you'll put up with his sh*t so he gets off by being a whiny b*tch. He can basically unload his life failures on you, and even blame you for some of them, in order to boost his terrible self-esteem. He doesn't tell you what he wants because he doesn't have a clue what it might be. I know of someone like this, who is always critical of others' ideas but never has any good ones of his own. Run like the wind, or he will sap the life out of you.

  • It sounds like he is still brooding about breaking up, still blaming you for it, still trying to justify his actions-or lack of the--from that time.

    Ask him what is bothering him, and tell him you will discuss whatever makes him unhappy without blaming or judging him about the issues. Let him talk himself out, thoroughly, while you are alone in a quiet place where there won't be any interruptions. Turn your phones off during this time.

    This will be a make-or-break conversation. Be prepared for it; remember what might him angry previously is probably the same issue(s) that are bothering him now. Be ready to explain why you did the things you did when you broke up.

    This won't be an easy conversation for either of you, and it may not be successful, but I think it's your only chance!

    • Actually it was his fault why we broke up. He is always like this. Then after a few months he will contact me again. He is like a kid to be honest. I asked him many times before what he wants because its like every move I make he says something in a bad way. Its like he has PMS! So I'm confused on what to do. I wanna do the right thing. He is really immature. We have talked seriously after 4yrs when we met. We were OK for a couple of wks then after 2wks we are like this! He changed!*headbang*

    • Maybe he is still angtry at you though...blames you anyway

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think he wants to take charge for how he acts and is just playing with your emotions

    • He promised he won't do what he did to me before. Confusing me and hurting me but actually he is doing it now.. I think I might kick his ass when I see him

    • Show All
    • i didn't nag him lol. that's what he said when he contacted me after those years because I didn't want to meet him up. anyways, you're right. I can't really expect anything from him. I guess he is still immature. he is unsure of what he wants. thank you for the advice:)

    • not said you ddi, but I see from experience that guys just don't want to hear a girl complain evne if its simpe. and you are welcome! good luck