Afraid we don't have chemistry

Help guys ... this is a long one, sorry. Be very grateful for advice.

I've never been in a relationship before ... I liked this guy for a year until we got together less than a week ago ... We didn't really know each other before this, not very well anyway, 1st date we walked around town & talked, 2nd date we walked around EVERYWHERE, sat down in the park for a while, had ice-cream on the lakeside then walked some more & then went out to dinner.

I'm really shy & quite insecure, he held my hand a lot & would initiate the occasional kisses, I haven't yet mustered up the courage to be the one to go in for the kiss or touch him - I know it sucks -

We saw each other Saturday (night we got together - briefly), Sunday was our 1st date, then 2nd date Tuesday & I'm supposed to be seeing him tomorrow.

We haven't really talked since our last date, & planning for tomorrow's one was tough, he's broke so he rejected my suggestion of going to see a movie...

Then neither one of us knew what to say (via fb) I suggested we go out for a drink if he could afford it, in the end he said we could go to a little party some of his college friends are throwing before they go out clubbing (we won't join them though).

we agreed on that then stopped talking again

I just have no idea how these things are supposed to pan out

ideally I'd be spending some time over at his place but I need to see my doctor for a general check up to make sure I'm clean before we try anything. So I don't want to jump the gun on that one.

Is it supposed to just flow ? Are we naturally supposed to know what to do, where to go ? I feel like we've exhausted so much in our 1st and 2nd dates (3 and 6h long respectively)

We haven't mentioned being together but he projects us into the future "We have time" "Later on we'll..."

Since the 1st date he would send me hearts in IMs, made me a little uncomfortable cause that means love to me & I'm not nearly quite there yet, but he sends them to his female friends too so what the hell lol

He also asked me on our 2nd date if I wanted to come with him to a friend's birthday weekend up in some house - we'd obviously share a bed but as I said I can't just yet...

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm just a complete noob at this, and I'm not sure if what we're going through is normal or if it bodes ill for our relationship together.

It's like both of us feel some kind of pressure to get the relationship going, I don't know. But it could just be that it's hard for me to let myself go with someone, to trust them enough with myself emotionally. I could be inhibiting our growth by my insecurities, doubts.

This question isn't really just one question.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance, because I'm a little lost.

we magically found something to do tomorrow because his friends happened to have a party going on

But next time ? he wants to wing it, but if that means not having a clue what to do ...scares me a little, makes me think it'll be over before it started... help


Most Helpful Guy

  • Tough one, I think if you guys hang out without perticular plans and both have a good time that is a good thing.

    If you only have a good time when your out doing things like going to parties, and not so much when it is just the two of you that isn't so good.

    I think the thing is if you get to the point where you sem to have nothing else to do together but have sex to have something to do probably not all that good of a relationship.

    But I have been single for 5 years so what do I know.

    Good luck

    • thank you, I appreciate it

      I think we could do a lot of things to bond - none sexual I mean - in the privacy of his loft (I live with my family still), we just haven't got to that yet, apparently he has a temporary roommate he needs to get rid of (it's a tiny place, 1.5 rooms)

      We did OK with no particular plans the 1st 2 dates I think, it's just how many times can you walk around town all in a row ? it ends up being samey

      Sex should be on the menu in 2 weeks, hope that helps us "bond"

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What Guys Said 2

  • You're over thinking. If you are physically attracted to him, want to be physical, and enjoy his company, you 'have chemistry'.

    You know, you can be a great match for someone and still, on occasion, be bored in their presence.

    Try to relax.

    • You're probably right. I guess I don't want to wake up realising we let each other slip though our fingers, that it petered out.

      I must try to go more with the flow of things as he suggested too :P

      it's not usually my style but will have to learn !

      thank you

  • You're quite over analyzing things. You're quite into each other.


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