She's suddenly quiet, need advice ladies!

We had a truly amazing first date, followed by about a week of awesome conversation and things progressing fast. My confusion started with this...a day that started as usual (what had been normal for us for about 3 weeks) except this one started a little differently in a good way. She text me first that day, very early. Not the first time she was first to speak but it was usually me because I get to work earlier. It was a good text of course and all day was normal, we chatted back and forth like every day before, all good stuff. Last message from her was around 5ish, nothing bad of course. From that point she was silent. I sent a few, nothing much. One was saying, hope everything is OK, simply because I usually heard something from her in the evenings, ya know? I know she's busy, she's a mom so I didn't hound her of course. Finally I sent one before bed telling her goodnight, I was turning in. She replied later but I didn't see it until the next morning. She said, not puposely avoiding you, we just got home, busy night. Kinda short and distant because she always said goodnight. The next day she did talk a little but very distant. Of course I tried to figure out what's wrong. Finally a long response basically giving me reasons it would be difficult for anyone to date her. Sounded like she was trying to convince me I shouldn't want to. After that, silence, doesn't respond. She was really into me, I know that. Had never met anyone like me, told me all the great things she noticed. She was intensely attracted to me (her words), proved by the way the evening progressed. You can't fake chemisrty, we definitely had it. Of course I've been at this long enough to know how to read her body language and signals, there was no doubting she was all in. Both of us early 30s and attractive by the way. I'm not shy or awkward about physical stuff, I timed the first kiss perfectly, no hesitation or fumbling. This was after dinner and a couple drinks, neither of us tipsy by any means. More great conversation at a beautiful park at a downtown waterfall. Left to take her home. When we got to her place, intense "making out". She stopped it because it was obvious sex was gonna happen and was gonna happen quickly. She had great difficulty stopping, didn't want to. I was glad she did, I was testing her in a way. She's actually a good girl, doesn't sleep around but not a prude either. She's not the type to screw with guy's heads just to boost her ego either, I've had some experience with those too lol. I've actually known her for years, not a stranger on a first date by any means.

So what's the deal ladies? Did she just kinda freak because things were going great, possibly progressing too quickly? I've sent a few messages since then just letting her know where I stand but asking for nothing. I know she's listening. I'm no quitter if I see potential so I'm not giving up. Giving her space tho, for sure. Happy to give more details if needed. Thanks!

Forgot to mention...The intense making out and her stopping the progression all happened when we got to her place but before we ever got out of the vehicle, probably went on 10-15 min or so. But I did stay with her that night, did sleep with her just no sex. Neither of us were drunk, not even tipsy.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ladies are very... umm... well. The thing is, there could be tons of reasons why she's doing this. Maybe she's trying to push you away to see if you are really into it or as you said, things are going to fast.The list thing with reasons why you shouldn't date her - I do that a lot. It kinda is a mechanism to see if you would run, the first chance you get. The key is to stick by her. You don't have to be the nagging type, where she has to file a restraining order, but even if she doesn't reply to your messages or whatnot, just remind her that you are there for her, whatever she's going through. Remind her that you love/like her and stuff like that. You also have to remember that she's a mom, and she has to think about not only herself but her child(ren).

    • Thanks. My first thought about her list was exactly that, maybe she's testing me to see if I'll bail. No restraining orders needed lol. She knows me, my family, a lot of mutual friends but we haven't actually talked or seen each other since 06 or so. She knows I'm not crazy lol. Hell even my x wife thinks we'd make a great pair. I have a child too, so I understand that piece. I'm extremely picky. First in 3 years I've had a lot of interest in, she knows that & reasons too.

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What Girls Said 4

  • That is highly possible. Dating is difficult for single mothers. She has to think about how a relationship would affect her kid. Especially depending on how old the kid is. It can also tie back into the origins of the kid. If she got pregnant by a boyfriend who left her, that kind of thing sticks and she probably wants to make sure that doesn't happen again. If she was married and then got divorced, there may be a bit of that bitterness left.

    I would suggest slowing down, and giving her a little bit to think things over. And if she does continue to pursue your relationship, take it a little slower. But it's also possible that she's not quite ready to try to juggle both a kid and a relationship. In which case, it might not be a bad idea to stick around as a friend until she is ready.

    • Thanks Blackitty. Little history. She was married to a friend of mine, not a best friend. They used to go out with me & my x some before we had kids, she has 2, 4&6. I have 1, 5. Last time we talked 06. I'm divorced 3yrs her 2. Started chatting just friendly through fb but I didn't think about asking her out no BS. Whole time she was hoping I would tho, admitted she thought about asking me a year ago. No ex drama me or her.

  • Give her some time. There's a lot of reasons why she could be distant. Just don't hound her or nag to her. Just be supportive and patient. Maybe even wait for her to talk to you first.

    • I'm patient for sure. She knows I wasn't looking when this started so waiting doesn't bother me at all.

  • I think she's distant because of how quickly things are progressing with you two. You said she's not the type to sleep around so maybe she's avoiding you so that she can fight the urge to go all the way with you. You should let her know there is no rush. You should also tell her that you know what you're getting yourself into and that you know she and her kids are a packaged deal. To show her how great you are you should invite her and her child(ren) out ensuring that you get them to fall in love with you. Let her know that you're not just after getting laid.

    • Thanks. That's what I've done, let her know where I stood and I knew what I was getting in to from the start. Just waiting now. I'll keep myself on the radar somehow but not push or bug her. Like I said, she wasn't a total stranger from the start.

    • You're welcome :). I hope she won't keep you waiting for long. All the best :)

  • Hey tigerfan77. To "cut to the chase" it sounds like the "its not you its me" kind of scenario. She obviously is attracted to you but remember she is a single mom and as good as anyone can physically look, we all have insecurities. Jugding by the fact that she stopped the almost sex encounter, it seems like she wants to go slow with that part of intimacy because there might be something she's uncomfortable with about herself and does not want to reveal so sudden. She knows that sex is something that is bound to happen, its human nature. Its not that she doesn't want to. Sometimes we like someone so much, that we push them away with our own insecurities.

    • True, most of the single moms I've dated are very insecure about their bodies. I can say for certain that's not the case. Slow with intimacy was it, she told me. Like I said, I was glad, I was testing her in a way but I wouldn't have stopped, I am a guy of course lol. That helps a ton with trust later on. Insecurity in other areas possible, don't know. I think the idea of me overwhelmed her a bit, just judging by things she said. Don't know.

What Guys Said 1

  • sounds just like mine

    So I have been talking to this single mother for about one month.

    I'm a big make a list person so this should make it easier to follow:

    We both hit it off great, one date a kiss at the end.

    We talked all day every day for about a week and a half after the date.

    She stated a couple times that she is very busy over the summer with work. We made more dates but she could never find a sitter, so we had to cancel them.

    I asked her how she felt about me and she replied that she is interested in pursuing things, she agree that we have a connection, but her exact words "if you find someone that's better for you go for it".

    I haven't heard from this young lady in a week and a half. Could she be really that busy, could she be blowing me off, could she be seeking other men and doesn't have the heart to tell me things won't work out?

    We are both 26?

    What do you think?

    Well here is the thing, I did clear there air.. this is what she said . "I am still interested in dating you, I feel a connection with you. but if you find something better" that was two weeks ago I have talked to her once since then . When I asked her out again , she said could not find a sitter, but she said she wanted to reschedule. That same week I texted her once and called twice, no response.

    I have a considerable amount of dating experience, this doesn't feel right, not like a normal

    I have a considerable amount of dating experience, this doesn't feel right, not like a normal , hey I'm not interested in you anymore. Plus I'm pretty sure she would tell me that she is no longer interested

    • I'm with ya there bro, I assume that women will finally say if they're not interested. Some will. I'd rather them just say F off rather than, hey you're a great guy but...leaves less questions that way.

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    • Yeah same situation...lets play it cool

    • Play it cool and wait for sure, all we can do at this point. She's the first one I've actually pursued in the 3 years since my divorce, always let them chase me. So it's possible I just suck at it lol. Pretty sure me & you both are being tested.