What should I do now?

I finally had 'the talk' with this girl I use to date months ago. We dated for about a month but things ended abruptly. We're in our mid 20s. She claimed she did not feel 'the spark' and I ended things for a week. Then, we went back to talking as 'just friends' and hanging out. However, as time went on we began to kiss more, mess around but not have sex. Anyhow, I eventually couldn't take it anymore and asked her what was going on between us and what we are. She and I talked about and argued over certain things. Eventually, we couldn't settle on setting boundaries and left. We decided to write to each other instead. She told me that she did not feel that 'spark' when she met me and that we're just friends. If anything happens, time will tell. It's been months later and she says that she does have feelings for me. It has developed over time through patience, care, and being by her side. However, she says that she does not want to waste my time in case I am "looking" for something. She says she doesn't want me to "wait" for something more to develop. In this race (in her words), she is the "turtle". She believes that if things were meant to be, then it will fall into place. She says she cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me. The fact that she knows she has hurt me and says it is hurting her as well. She wishes we can go back to when things were better between us, minus the romantic feelings because "she is not where I am at" right now.

This girl has had previous relationships in the past but the last boyfriend she had ended up cheating on her. That was years ago and she hasn't been serious with a guy since. I can tell she has trust issues though because she checked my messages one day. That was why we were arguing in the park. That being said, I need a girl's opinion/help on this. What do you think this girl is thinking and what should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, for starters, it's definitely not fair to you for her to play with your feelings like that...especially when she seemingly doesn't know what she wants (one minute she's kissing you, the next she's saying you're "just friends")

    It's hard to say what's going through her mind. It could be one of two things:

    1) She doesn't feel a "spark" because for whatever reason, she's just not into you. She likes you and cares for you, but the feeling just isn't there. She feels bad, so she keeps testing the waters to see if she'll feel differently, but she doesn't.

    2) She doesn't feel a "spark" because she's not letting herself get in too deep. After her last relationship, she's shut herself off to being hurt. Her heart is telling her to be with you (hence the physical aspect) but then her head steps in and tells her to pull back.

    Either way, she doesn't know what she wants. The good news is, time will tell. I would also bet that option #2 is closer to what she's thinking. If it were option #1, odds are she would've jumped ship awhile ago and wouldn't feel the need to argue with you.

    • Thanks for BA! Hopefully you get some clarity.

    • Thank you for insight! Honestly, we've hardly spoken since our 'talk'. She said she "did not want to be open to dialogue right now" so I told her it's best we have some time apart. No word since. Your theory makes sense and I want to believe it but I don't see it happening based on her actions.

    • Well, based on the way she's acting, you're right: it's best to distance yourself from her. Maybe she'll come around in due time, but for your sake, keep your eyes peeled for new options.

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What Girls Said 3

  • find a girl that is worth it. she's just playing with you.

  • She sounds difficult, find someone new.

  • move on, try to find somebody who can actually make up their mind


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