How can I show that I'm open to dating and be seen as a potential girlfriend?

I've seen this in several answers lately and would like in-depth answers. I've read several posts where guys said that a girl had to be open to dating and approachable. And that there had to be some sexual tension, something that made it possible to more than just friends.

I've always been “one of the guys” and its a trap I'd like to get out of. I'm comfortable around guys, can approach them, usually have common interests, easy to be around, etc but getting a date is next to impossible. So how do I make it clear that I would be interested in dating/relationships? That I'm not just a friend?

I've updated my closet a little bit to more feminine clothes and my hair is no longer super short. I don't wear makeup (allergic to a lot of makeup products). I know I have to be more feminine but its tough, I work in a male-dominated industry and the joke at home is that I'm the son my parents never had. My confidence and self-esteem are in reasonably shape. I feel like my biggest roadblocks when it comes to getting a date is that most of the guys around me don't see me as a girl for dating. Like they know I'm a girl but they don't recognize it.

Can anyone offer any helpful suggestions?

Never been in a relationship, still a virgin (been kissed once but that's it), rarely go out to bars/nightclubs, only have a drink or two (usually the designated driver anyway) and I'm 20. Not sure if that's important but it is what it is.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The possibility is always there! And you don't need any sort of 'sexual tension.

    You just need to be an interesting person, with your own unabashed personality. If you're pushed around by the winds of fashion and conventional rules of behavior, you aren't likely to have much romance in your life.

    In other words, you gotta BE a romantic person, to some extent, before anyone is going to want to GET romantic with you!

    • Thanks. I don't really follow fashion but I ditched my XL sweaters and work jeans for dresses, tank tops and jeans that didn't come from the workwear section. What makes a person romantic?

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    • Yes, I like yours. The others are good too but I feel like I can do what you suggested more easily.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You have to stop being friends with boys. When you meet a guy who you like, you need to be friendly, flirty, feminine - but do not hang out with him. Don't do the things you do with your guy friends (watch TV, go hang out, whatever it is). Let your intentions be known through your words and deeds.

    • Thank you. I will try, going to take some effort. By flirty, do you mean more touching, that sort of thing? I've always keep away from physical contact but I've noticed that the girls who do get dates, don't, they always greet with hugs and such so should I try to be more like them when it comes to how I act around guys? I usually go "hey, what's up?" and grab a cooler LOL.

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    • Okay, I will work on doing that. Thank you for your help. Well, there's an upside, I've probably heard every complaint my guy friends have ever made about other girls. I know what not to do LOL.

    • there you go ;)

  • You gotta look very feminine, that short hair pretty much is / was a deal-breaker, hopefully they'll grow back!

    Also is not only your appearance but behavior also lacking femininity? Do you act like "one of the guys"? Or do you act like a lady?

    ..if you want to be a Girlfriend to someone instead of a buddy to someone, you gotta act accordingly

    And also remember the 5-pointed Star of approachability:

    - make eye-contact

    - smile

    - don't wear earphones

    - don't wear rings

    - don't be glued do your phone

    But sometimes you also gonna need to make the first move, you know that we, guys occasionally are extremely oblivious to signals from girls, even if they're very very obvious?

    And when you're already making a conversation - handle it gracefully, have good manners, don't interrupt the other person, don't talk about anything taboo, talk about light stuff / ask open questions about their interests / whereabouts and so on - try asking for "an instant date" like right at the very moment taking a drink at the local Café for example, and if you see you got mutual interest, don't hesitate to exchange for contact information, 'coz without it even in the best case possible after it you won't see each other ever again!

    • Thank you. My hair is now half-way down my back :) I'm figuring out what looks good on me, not curvy at all so its a bit of a challenge. I try to act like a lady. I guess just have to make my interest clear and making the first move. And maybe not talking tractors/trucks/farming/guns as much. Which is hard, talking about those things are my go-to subjects when I get nervous.

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    • ..but that "no curvy at all" thing is a huuuuge bummer :S

    • It is. Not much I can do there, its my body type, I'm 5'10" and thin. Yeah, I wish I was more than a 34A but I've come to accept it. Just have to pick out clothes that suit :)

  • Verbal flirting is best, in my opinion. If you rely on signs, no guys are going to notice.

    • So I'm learning. Flirting is a skill I need to work on.

What Girls Said 3

  • be a little bit more feminine and flirt from the start.

    • I'm just not sure how to be more feminine other than dressing more girly. Can you be more specific? Flirting is work in progress.

  • look the part, dress girly

    • Working on that, I went from no dresses to over a dozen.

  • It must be your personality. Be more flirtatious, dress in more feminine clothing, and you can always find hypoallergenic make up too.