What would you do in this situation?

To make a long story short, I have a very rebellious, selfish, and immature little sister. We come from a culture where dating is not viewed as a good thing. I do feel my parents would be more likely to be okay with it if she introduced her boyfriend to them.. But instead she kept it a secret for over two years.

She has an attitude where she likes to show off that she can do whatever she likes. Her boyfriend is on the west coast for the summer and she decides to scream at my parents and tell them that she is going to visit him. So she bought a ticket and flew out to see him. The thing is she didn't tell any of us wen she was going.. She basically disappeared and we had no idea where she was.

We are 99 percent sure she is there and staying in the same room as him. It's taboo for a man and woman to do that before marriage on our culture.

My parents are worried sick. How can I help? What would you do? Or are we in the wrong for being too restrictive?

I think there is a mature way to date though.. For me I would introduce the guy to my family and date him while my parents knew about it. And definitely not fly across the country to see him without telling anyone. I think that's stupid behavior. Thoughts?

To make things clear:

We don't force anything down her throat, not that I can see. We are a religious family and we let her be atheist. We didn't say that she must break up with the guy or anything, we know that she will do what she wants. My parents want to meet him but she won't bring him to the house

I called her immature and selfish not for dating, but for how she treats us. its not uncommon for her to call me a b**** or f****** moron in a public setting! She swears at my parents too.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You call your sister rebellious, selfish and immature, when the problem is in fact that you guys try to force your culture down her throat, if you all would respect her choices of ditching her culture, she probably wouldn't have left without a word, and still had respect for your family, and wouldn't have had your parents worried, plus she would most likely have approached it all in more mature way.

    I don't say this to sound rude, but please consider looking at it from her point of view. Culture isn't something your born into, but something you chooses yourself. Either way I wish you good luck sorting it out...

    • We honestly aren't trying to force anything though.. I guess I didn't do a good job of explaining the problem. It's not that she's dating, it's how she's going about it. We don't tell her to do anything, we don't make her pray or eat our type of food or anything. I have thought about this so much from her point of view. She's different and that makes things difficult. She's not immature for dating or even visiting him, she's immature for not being considerate of her family's emotions. I said

    • Sorry about that missunderstanding, I guess I got the wrong impression. I think the best thing you can do is to really make it obvious that all of you respect her for the choises she makes, without making it awkward, and without EVER questioning her about it, as for some people including her, would instantly be defensive about it, and feel like it's an attack, even if that's not the case at all. I still hope everything works out :)

    • It's no problem! I would have gotten the same impression reading what I had written before. That's a good point, ill try not to question her choices and that type of thing. She probably feels really vulnerable being the different one

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sometimes when we get older our views change. Especially when another meets a person they fall in love with. You and your family should back off. No disrespect but she is grown and should be able to do whatever with her life no matter the circumstances. Your culture might not view this as "right" but how can people possibly get married without being in love honestly. Unless you want her miserable and bitter for the rest of her life or worse a divorce in under a years time. If your family keeps trying to control her she is going to resent you guys. So respect how she feels and does. She hid the fact of her boyfriend because she knew this is how your family was going to react. Wish you the best.

    • We are not saying that she must have an arranged marriage or anything like that. My family prefers she Gets married to this guy rather than doing these types of things with him. That's not the issue.. The whole thing is a big mess. I appreciate your input, though. Thanks for your time

  • let her live her life.

  • you can't do anything, she will do whatever she wants just as she has already proven

    • I know that much, I'm just asking what I can do to make it easier on my mom and dad. They love her so much and it pains them to see her acting like this..

    • nothing really, it will hurt because it is their kid, you just have to be supportive

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