I like dating "problem people" - is that a bad thing?

I don't know how I got this attraction but I've always been attracted to the guys a lot of people wouldn't consider.Not necessary bad boys or a-holes just guys who are misunderstood. I guess a want to be the "knight in shining armor" for guys and be the one the guy madly falls in love with and rescues them from a bad prospective of love and life. Its silly, but is it bad?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, what exactly do you mean by misunderstood? I mean in the context that could still mean a few ddifferent things, and I for one seem to be strongly drawn to/attracted to women with umm problems such as my first girl friend that would tell me she hoped I choked and died one day and apologize the next telling me she really liked me and didn't mena it, it was jsut a thing (she haad trouble saying love so I only heard that maybe twice from her). But anyways, yea so what exactly do you mean by misunderstood?

    • Basically that they are somewhat insecure about themselves or about being in a relationship.For example the guy I'm with now has diabetes and has been cheated on by a lot of woman and gets distant when he realizes he's falling for someone. He started out like that with me in the beginning but he gets better as time goes by. My ex was overweight and cocky and never had a girlfriend before. we were best friends before and he never dated anyone cause nobody got to know him or tried to.

    • Not saying that I prey on insecure people or anything just that girl that showed them things are going to be ok and they get out of that negative thinking about themselves or girls in general. Like that "im a believer" song lol

    • Lol, I'm very similar, so I understand =) but I also have a lot of problems, some problems are really hard to fix or get over, and some just aren't fixable or solvable. I wouldn't say that's a problem assuming you keep it safe and don't try to "cure" the psycho killers or abusers ect. But you have to understand that not everything can be made all better or sometimes even improved, and you still have to think about YOUR happiness and you in a relationship too =) BEST OF LUCK 2 U!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Like looking for a "diamond in the rough"?

    I guess it depends on how it turns out? You might get what you wanted, you might get coal. . . kinda like christmas, lol.


What Girls Said 2

  • Sigh, I feel you girl. I got it from watching cheesy romances like "Dirty Dancing" and "Ever After". I would love to be the woman that tames the wild beast - but what life has taught me is that those problem men have problems for a reason. And most of the time love isn't going to fix what's wrong with them - typically it takes therapy or jail, sometimes both.

    Everyone is misunderstood - it's the selfish ones that use it as an excuse to behave badly.

    It isn't silly, just be careful and protect your heart ... we learn from what we know and it would be a shame for you to think all men behave like the "bad boys".

    There are a lot of misunderstood nice guys out there, hopefully one day you'll recognize them.

    Good luck.

    • I usually run into nice guys and the bad guys just take advantage of my love,patience and kindness. Sometimes its hard to tell though

  • I don't think dating guys with "problems" or "insecurities" is going to help you.You have to look at it in terms of that if you are dating someone with problems or being "misunderstood" that that is going to be a lot of work!And you have to ask yuorself if you can handle it!You may think you can but over time you will get tired of it, and just feel emotionally exhausted in the end.Also ask youself "Why am I attracted to guys who are misunderstood?"You may subconsciously be looking for exceptance yourself and you seek that through someone who is insecure bcuz then they will latch onto you and that will make you feel secure.Sorry I know sounds harsh!But also you're taking the risk of what if the guy doesn't get better, and he may abuse you and blame you for all his porblems.No one can fix someones problems or the fact of being misunderstood.They can only fix it themselves.I know bcuz I dated someone who was "misunderstood" and I thought with a little help I could make him confident.Well it didn't help bcuz he's still insecure...after 3 yrs..and now I've got this guy attached to my hip and I want to date someone whose confident, outgoing, and put together.You don't ever want to b the dudes mommy or else two things will happen: 1) he'll lactch onto you and suffocate you or 2) he will get better and dump you for someone new and start a fresh relationship with his new found confidence!Good for him, bad for you!Trust me don't let yourself be the therapy chair!Also you should really watch that reality show "Tough Love" on VH1.I know it sounds cheesy but it actually has some good points and there's a girl on the show whose going through something similar that you are!Good luck!

    • I know what you mean. That actually happened with me and my ex. I don't know why I didn learn from him but basically if he had a problem with something he would blame me for it. He broke up with me when he found his friends wanted him around while they were single and wanted him single too and when they found someone else or ignored him again he came back to me, Then a year went by and the same thing happened again. He runs to wherever he feels welcome and loved, rather its real or not.

    • I however was real and liked him for who he was and tried to show him that, but I guess because I wasn't on his side even he was wrong it made him uncomfortable so he went to whoever told him things that made him feel good about himself