Why do I always feel so negative towards "us" help!

Me and this girl have only been dating a month and we aren't really "official" or anything and we've only kissed once. We are about to go on our fourth date on Monday and for some reason I always feel like she's going to cancel and like we aren't ever actually going to be together. I really like her and get nervous around her because of it and I know she feels the same way. She's really shy and she warms up to me more and more with every date (we were friends prior to dating). We also talk almost everyday till about 2am sometimes even 5am before stopping then picking up the next day. I know she likes me and her friends all tell me that but for some stupid reason I always have this doubt in my mind. Can anyone explain this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with what most other people said, you need to speed up the physical contact. It seems very PG right now to me; nothing more than one kiss, no touching even (from what you've said, that's what I'm assuming).

    I get that you're shy, but since she's shy too, one of you is going to have to be the one to set the pace, and in general it is usually the guys who do that. A shy girl is going to have a REALLY hard time kissing you first, or holding your hand, etc. You need to make these moves, and make it more of a normal and familiar thing.

    Once you get comfortable with each other, your doubts will fade away. If you're worried about her dad or whatever, take her somewhere private where you can't be interrupted. If your place is private enough, invite her over, cook her dinner. Or take her to a nice outdoorsy area with a park, or woods you can stroll through. Hold her hand, put your arm around her, etc.

    I think you just need to warm up to each other and stop feeling like acquaintances before your negativity will go away.

    • True true, I've decided already I'm going to have to make all the moves :P it's rough but I'ma make it work. I invited her over to make dessert (her favorite dessert) in a few days and I was hoping we could watch a movie after or something where we could get close

    • Good for you! I know it sucks having to be the one making all the moves but maybe after some time she'll start reciprocating :) When you're making the dessert, maybe feed her a bite when it's ready before actually giving it to her in a plate. That's always cute haha. Then during the movie just kinda look at her and make eye contact every once in a while, and slowly get closer. If she doesn't move away or also moves closer, that's your green light

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think you just need to establish more physical contact, this can be hard in public settings. But things to try; stroking her hand over the dinner table, look for openings to give her a nice hug (the more the better), a movie together is a great way to establish contact...even if you're just snuggled up super close. My guess is that your fine where you stand, she may be feeling the same way. But if you really feel like she's distant from you, say something! Girls typically don't like to make things "official" out of fear of seeming to demanding or high matience or whatever. If she likes you, she'll love that you asked. It might also be that she's just new to the dating scene, thus feels more Vonerable to express her feelings.

    • We watched a movie at her house last time and we were both just under a blanket together sitting next to each other. She's really hard to read and I didn't want to just jump her or anything so I didn't especially since we hadn't even kissed yet.

      We're mini putting on Monday

    • Ok, so while golfing try giving her a hug when she scores, or if you're feeling especially flirty take or ask for a kiss for good luck (on the check). You can try kissing her at the end of the date. Or during a hug, pull away slowly and make eye contact. For another movie night - it should be easier to manage since you already had a kiss. Only this time wrap an arm around her or hold her hand. She will welcome a 2nd kiss at anytime! If this was untrue the 1st wouldn't have gone so well.

    • We kissed at the end of last date and it was kind of ended prematurely because we were kinda scared that her dad was going to open the door (like he previously had).

      I just want to get this moving a little faster... It's been going to slow

  • she needs to make you feel sure about your relatioship

  • you just need reassurance

  • well you migh tjust need reassurance form her. try to talk to her and see where she thinks your relationship is going.


What Guys Said 1

  • Kissed once over 4 dates, I would pick up the pace a little lol... usually the more intimate you get with a girl, the more committed and invested she is to you.

    Nothing to really explain, you just are worried things won't workout which is natural when you don't have concrete evidence towards otherwise. Even though you guys are very close, there hasn't been much ground made towards the two of you being together romantically.

    • Kissed once over 3 dates actually :P ya there's been a few complications...

      First date I didn't kiss her just out of respect.

      2nd date I was just about to but then her dad opened the door right as I was leaning in (I had walked her to the door)

      3rd date I kinda decked up the progression there :S

      She's really shy and I'm a bit shy as well so it's a bit hard to move things forward. In doing so it would make me more secure in where we stand. Any suggestions for a good activity 2 get close?

    • Now I'm not sure how old you are... but it doesn't have to be an activity to get close, it is just the steady progression of things to the point where the kiss isn't a big deal is how you want it to be. It should just feel natural and not be that "oh it's the end of the date, time to kiss" all the time. Took me a while before I figured that out..

      You already got the first kisses out of the way so future ones shouldn't be an issue really...personally I like to take a girl to shoot pool