How should I feel/respond to him at this time?

Last night, my boyfriend and I broke up. We stayed on the phone for about 7 hours and both of us just cried and cried. He broke up with me because his last relationship (freshman year, we're rising seniors in high school) ended because she cheated on him. We just celebrated one month on Tuesday but we've been best friends for a while. Last night, he told me that after his parents took his phone away Tuesday night, he just sat there and thought about all the bad things that could happen in the relationship and he came to the conclusion that he doesn't like me anymore. He said it's because we're too similar because we're both worriers. And that I worried too much and that he thought he had to be the strong one so he never mentioned his concerns. He didn't understand the whole communication thing until this breakup. He said that he was really confused and that he didn't know what to do but that he wanted to break up with me now because if we break up now, I'll be hurt less (he has this really weird concern about hurting me. I told him that I can handle life but he's just really worried about me). He still wanted to be besties and talk and stuff and that the only reason he doesn't like me is because I worry too much. Today though, we spent about an hour on the phone just talking and laughing. And I told him that he was my boyfriend again (just joking) and he was like what? wait? I am? what happened? And was confused until I told him that I was just joking and then he told me that some parts of him wish that he could just agree to the boyfriend thing. He also told me that if I stopped worrying, then he'd probably like me again but that he never wants to send me through what he put me through last night. He also said that last night, when I told him to delete me from everything, he started deleting text messages, punched a wall, and then realized that he didn't want to delete our texts. I'm getting some mixed signals here. Not quite sure what to do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey there,

    I rekon your thoughts must be all over the place. My advice is that you should not get back into this relationship.

    From what you have said he A) Blamed you - for being a worrier and B) told you he didn't like you anymore - that is really hurtful thing to say.

    Having a relationship with someone who can so easily make you feel bad, with no apparent remorse is going to knock your confidence and self esteem. You say he doesn't want to hurt you? - he just did.

    It sounds as if your ex is having a hard time understanding and dealing with his own emotions (punching walls is not a normal response!) . One minute he wants you close, and the next he pushes you away. You are not going to be able to help him change his ability to deal with his own emotions, this may happen itself over time as he matures, or it may not. But being in a relationship ith him, when he is unable to do this, is only going to hurt you, make you feel insecure and impact on your social life ( I would guess he gets jealous easily too?)

    There is a widely accredited theory called attachment theory which (basically) explains the formation of relationships. search for wikepedia, adult attachment styles on google. This might give you some insight into his behavior . (attachment styles, while generally stable in adulthood are often less stable in adolescence.

    You may feel sorry for him that he is having a difficult time, and that is perfectly normal, but do not allow yourself to be taken along for the ride as he struggles with his own feelings, because this is going to hurt you.

    I hope you are managing things OK. Make sure to keep yourself busy and see your friends. Sometimes writing a list of things you want to achieve in the next year can help you to focus your attention on something different, while doing something positive.

    Thoughts are with you :-)


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  • I think he cares for you but obviously isn't ready to commit to you.i say talk to him and tell hi you are there for him but as a friend.