Why am I only getting the "larger" men from online dating

OK. Before anyone goes completely ape s***, lets be realistic. Everyone has a type of person they are attracted to - hair color, height, personality etc... I've recently starting doing the online dating scene due to the fact that I work quite a bit and don't have the opportunity to go out and mingle. But here's the question, I'm a petite person, I'm not giselle but I would say I'm pretty decent looking (we all have to be confident in ourselves). My issue is that I am only being contacted by the VERY large overweigt men and I'm wondering why... Where are all the "average" guys? Or is average 250lbs+. I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm a small lady, and just in terms of plain physiology it wouldn't work for me. Are they just sending out mass emails and hoping something sticks?


Most Helpful Girl

  • The ratio of guys to girls on dating websites is so heavily swayed against men, to their disadvantage, that women are inundated by messages - and as a result guys just have to play the statistic game, usually by cutting and pasting messages - with some bespoke editing depending on a girls profile.

    What Online Dating does is put your physical preferences on 'extreme sensitivity' mode, in a way that seeing people in real life does not. All you are seeing when you view somebodies profile on a dating website is a still picture and a load (or in most cases lack of) text. There is no soul, and no real essence of a person that you can get to grips with. So people just follow the most stimulating sense, and that is our ability to 'see'.

    Girls can afford to be picky, because they have control of the market in a sense. Guys cannot really afford to be as selective, because the odds are stacked so heavily against them from other guys. This disparity doesn't exist in the same level when seeing people outside of the realms of the internet. So you are probably receiving messages from people who you consider incompatible simply based on probablity mathematics.

    • Oh, but that disparity DOES exist outside the realms of the Internet... just not as heavily ;)

    • I should have studied linguistics. Then I could apty defend myself against attack of the semantics! =P I think that a lot of things balance out in the end. Meeting people is never easy, but I think that with the internet, people post a lot of thoughts that are prosed with a embellished sense of entitlement. You have to work hard to meet somebody you are compatible with, but the perceptions of people are different when viewed true to life, in the flesh. :)

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What Guys Said 4

  • If you're looking for relationships, the most in demand people are on dating sites for brief windows between relationships. Less desireable people are single much longer so are more represented.

    Is this a free or paid site?

    • I have free and paid. And both I have the same issue, but definetely more so with the free one. Very vaild point about desirables only being on the market for a short period of time.

  • Don't most dating sites have an area where you fill out your preferences? If so double check that area and make sure that everything that could in any way be construed as bigger than average is unchecked.

    • YES they do! And I have my preferences selected, that's why it is even more head scratching... If I see a man is looking for someone that is 5'9 athletic and non smoker, I don't bother. People like what they like and why set yourself up for failure?

    • Well I guess it is simply desperation. From what I know online dating is heavily slanted it favor of females. Most likely those guys message you because they have already messaged the few other women in their area and there is literally no one else.

  • This is a problem more common for men...

    I can't tell you how many times I've come across a woman who classifies herself as "curvy," when she's CLEARLY pushing 200 pounds...

    • Yeah I've heard men say that a lot. The problem with the word "curvy" is that it can have a different interpretation for people . I consider Sophia Vegara curvy, not fat or overweight but she has curves.

    • Show All
    • That' s not curvy... they should call themselves boxy looking.

    • LMAO... "boxy"

  • just be happy guys hit on you alot, I really don't see no reason for your bitching. you check out the guys prof, he's fat, so? move on with your life

    • I do move on and I am never rude or insulting to anyone and say, 'you're fat leave me alone" I wasn't trying to seem like I was bitching, I was just trying to get insight to there was a reason. I guess that's why I asked the question, since it is a "GIRLSASKGUYS" site?

    • well everybody wants to be with somebody. you're in your 30s you should know this by now. find some "average" looking guys to hit on then

What Girls Said 4

  • Well, because guys like small girls. But girls don't like really big guys.

    So, they just message you because they're interested in you, without caring or thinking whether you'd actually be interested in him. They just want to take a chance and see what happens. If it annoys you that much, you should just list it on your profile.

    • I do have it listed on my profile, I think that is what bothers me as well.

    • Then they're just basically shooting for the stars.

  • lmao. Opposite attracts or seems to imply men in general do not take care of their appearances.

    • I guess opposites do attract. I'm not expecting six pack abs, but if you are a man and you are single, wouldn't you want to present yourself as the possible you? Of course you shouldn't change for someone if they dont' like you the way you are...but at least be healthy.

    • Yes darn right but I think they're just randomly hitting on any girl online for reply... Not that they're serious, I'd hope.

    • If they have to look good, they'd have to do it for themselves first, but not to impress the public.

  • The last sentence sounds about right..

  • Are they just sending out mass emails and hoping something sticks?


    When guys do online dating, they pretty much search for any and all women they find attractive in their area. They message most of the women they find good looking and hope that a few will respond.

    As to why you're ONLY getting messages from fat guys, idk. Maybe it's because most guys who have to resort to online dating are fat or less attractive

    • I wouldn't say ONLY but it's the majority. I guess there are less attractive single people willing to go online to find a date. I like to think outside the box, and can't expect prince charming to be fed exed to my door.

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