How do I date if I'm the type of girl who's a "keeper"?

I'm 20 and I've been very shy all my life so I used to get scared when guys asked me out and I would say no. Now I'm at the age where I actually do want to date and have been out with a couple of guys, but I have gotten so scared of things turning serious that I run away. Part of the reason is that people keep telling me I'm a "keeper" and that the first serious relationship I get into will be my one and only. This really scares me because now I'm even more afraid of dating. Because I've always been so shy, I've held myself back from having fun and being social, so a part of me just wants to be single and enjoy hanging out with friends and flirting with guys, just having fun.

But I am also friends with a guy who has made it obvious he has feelings for me and who I feel the same way about. If I was dating for marriage right now, I would date him because he is one of the nicest guys I've ever known and he wants a serious relationship. But I'm afraid of dating one person and never dating multiple guys to make sure that he is the one for me. I know several other guys who are also nice and who I could see myself with too.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you 'need' to date multiple guys if you have deep feelings for someone. The idea that you have even brought this up leads me to believe that you aren't that serious about the guy in question who you say you 'have feelings' for. If you both like each other, then go and date, and if it doesn't work out - you can at least say you tried. Judging from your question, I wouldn't say you have any intention of 'settling down' so to speak, so you will have to decide whether you want to potentially hurt the guy who cares deeply for you, or if you want to forget going down that path completely and meet other guys socially.

    Only you know what is in your heart, and we cannot decide for you. Sometimes you just have to go with your impulses to a degree - but always do it with conscientiousness - and don't try and mess guys around. They have feelings too! =]

    Good luck!

    • Very very nicely said. Best answer!

    • Show All
    • Dear,

      Only you can make the decision. If you are having doubts, then in my opinion, you 'aren't' ready for such a commitment at this stage. =] You're only 20 - so it is entirely understandable. I am not that much older than you to be honest, but I'd been dating a guy for 2 years by your age so I may have been alittle further along emotionally with a guy than you are currently at.

      I think it is important to go with your gut instinct. What feels right 'to you'.

    • Listen to this girl!

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think you've taken this "keeper" thing a little too seriously. It does not obligate you more than anyone else. Your fears, not dating, that gets in the way of not having fun. If you open yourself up for seeing the one guy and it becomes permanent, that's a really good thing! You don't need further confirmation. If not, then you've gotten experience and had some fun on the way. If your fears keep you paralyzed long enough you become more likely to stay in relationships out of desperation than you would be likely to now.

    • 100% agree. Take things at your own pace. Chances are that you won't get tied to one person for the rest of your life, particularly at 20. If you want to date someone, date them, and see where it goes. Don't worry about it turning into a relationship until you're at that bridge.

  • So... you're "a keeper" who wants to flirt with other guys, enjoying the presence of open options? How does it go together?

    A keeper is a girl who is faithful and reliable, girls who "date around" are skanky.

    And how can you and that other guy can have 'feelings' if you're not even dating?

    To put it simple - you can stay paralyzed by fears and indecisiveness, always remaining single...

    But you can also give it a chance! You said you actually do want to date now, is it so?


What Girls Said 1

  • Give this guy a chance. Force yourself even if you're scared, it will pay off.

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