How pissed should I be?

Women have really been letting me down lately. I can understand if you feel we have no chemistry and a second date isn't wanted or necessary, but at least SAY SOMETHING. Refusing to return my texts without any explanation is just cowardice. If you can't even pick up the phone to say, "I don't think we're right for each other", how in hell can you be expected to maintain the communication level for a relationship of ANY kind?

I also had a date today with a girl who's parents were supposed to be leaving town from their visit. They don't live here. She said they would leave in the morning, date time rolls around and they're still there. She tells me, "I don't want to ask when they're leaving because I'll feel like I'm running them off." Oh, so you don't want to hurt your parents feelings by "running them off", but throwing mine down the garbage disposal by canceling our date is OK. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. What the hell kind of logic is that? I see where I rate on the priority scale.

I'm debating dropping this girl like a bad apple. Not that one's parents are not important, but if you can't keep your appointments because Mom and Dad are overstaying their welcome, what can you be expected to do? I'm sure my parents would understand if I already had arrangements and I needed them to go on their marry. Besides, it's not like they just came to town, they've been here for days. Hell, I don't even know if she told them she had other plans, so they probably don't even know they're disrupting them. I don't feel particularly important right now, and that's never a good way to start a relationship.

  • Pissed Enough to Dump Her
    Vote A
  • Grade A Pissed
    Vote B
  • Mildly Pissed
    Vote C
  • Temporarily Pissed
    Vote D
  • Not Very Pissed
    Vote E
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I honestly think you should get over it. one or 2 dates shouldn't be long enough to elicit such a strong reaction out of you. A couple weeks ago I went on a date with a guy then never heard from him again. I thought he was feeling me but I guess not. I don't know what happened to make him ignore my calls and texts after the date, but I'm not sitting around mad about it. Move on and charge it to the game. Shit happens. If you don't like someone or found that you didn't have enough chemistry or whatever then you just won't see them again. It just isn't a big deal. People who get really pissed about things like that just come off as unattractive because you're so touchy and overly sensitive, it hints at possible emotional instability. Maybe this girl dodged a bullet.

    • "Dodged a bullet?" I think this twat missed out on a guy who would have treated her like a princess ;)

    • I understand your perspective, but if we had been going out for weeks I actually wouldn't be as bothered. The early phase of dating is when you're supposed to be making an impression and putting your best foot forward. Flaking out on plans made weeks in advance over stupid sh*t is not making a good impression. Someone already in a relationship already has more leeway because I know they're dependable and can make it up later.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Okay, first. Yes we girls have trouble saying when we've lost interest, and I understand how that sucks (had guys do it to me). You could always text the girl and say "If you're not interested just tell me, I can handle it." With the growing number of sensitive guys now, we tend to think we need to spare your feelings and have trouble bringing ourselves to say "We're just not that into you."

    Second, I don't think you should be mad at that girl. Maybe she's very close with her parents and didn't want to hurt their feelings by shooing them out. You can always reschedule your date. Plus, why do you feel you should be a higher priority than her parents? They raised her. I don't know how long you've been dating, but unless you're engaged or married, her parents will probably have a higher priority than you.

    • Your mind is in the right place, but flat out asking girls things "if you're not interested, just tell me " like that usually doesn't lead to an honest answer.

    • Exactly - You can't ask for honesty from them... but if you push them into a corner, and force them to answer, THEN you'll get the proper response ;)

    • I wasn't inferring that I should out-prioritize her parents, but she spent the last 3 days straight with them. I think that priority has been tended to. It's not like they showed up out of a blue and she only had a small window to see them. We've had plans for more than a week now. She should have taken this all into account. The first few dates should be when you're trying to rope someone in and leave a good mark. Failing to budget your time is not the way to do that.

  • I have never had one single GUY I went on a couple dates with flat out tell me they're not interested in me or don't think it will work etc... They all have just opted to take the cowardly way out. Which I feel is a huge disrespect. Which leads me to my point that girls are not the only ones guilty of this.

    As for you're question; its my personal opinion, with the information you did provide that you should not be mad over this. I agree with what everyone else said that has disagreed. Her parents should come first, in the case that you two have not had many dates. Or just in general I don't feel that this scenario is anything to be upset over. And personally I don't like to reveal dating information to my parents unless I've been seeing this person for quite a while.

    If she's showing many signs of lack of interest. Like not replying to takes and calls, and is repeatedly cancelling dates just because she feels like it. Then, that is something to be ANNOYED with. Not something that should reinforce such negative views of women in general. It is only one or a select handful of many women!

    My advice to you is to disregaurd this particular girl because clearly you two handle such matters far differently. I think the real problem here is not her blantenly disrespecting you but a matter of incompatiblilty. That being said, my advice to you is to seek the type of women that have the same views of dating that you do. Perhaps you should tell a woman up front what your expectations are and see if you're compatible that way. For instance, say you don't like flakes (which to some is considered independance or a highly carefree attitude). Maybe add how often you like to keep in touch, and how important sticking to committements are to you. You could open with how you've been experiencing bad luck with women lately and want to get some of you're pet peeves out of the way. This girl you're refering to may not have been aware of this about you and didn't know you would take it so badly. It's seems a little backwards to be mad at someone who doesn't know what you're boundries are.

    • The trouble with stating your dating stance upfront to girls (I.E. "I don't like flakes") is that girls go into defense mode - They'll automatically think "Here's a guy who cannot face rejection. If I tell him I don't like him, he'll probably kill me..." So even if you say it upfront to her, chances are she'll still revert to that state of silence and won't reply.

    • Of course guys take the cowards way out as well. I only mentioned girls because I only date girls. If I was bi I'd be hatin' on men too. Also, being a flake is not being independent. That's being undependable. There is a world of difference between the two. Being independent infers that you can be counted on. If someone has to prod you to get you to show up, you are not independent.

    • I'm just just saying in this example you and other men would find this girl to be flaky, where as some other guys wouldn't care and would not mind rescheduling a few times. Some guys don't like girls being super attached or putting him before her other committeements. I have a friend like this. She cancels dates a lot and the guys she sees don't seem to care. She does this to me too. Over the years I've learned to accept that that's just the way she is and that its not a reflect of our friendshi

  • I think you're being a tad selfish

  • How many times does this happen, if you don't mind me asking?

    • You mean women not texting me back? That's a regular occurrence, even in dates that aren't my own. I'd say 5 of the last 7 women I dated just stopped texting me out of the blue as opposed to being honest. Honesty is hard to come by these days. This thing with the girl I was going out with tonight isn't uncommon either. The girl I dated before showed up more than 30 minutes late after saying she was going to show up 20 minutes early to buy tickets. Guess who had to guy the tickets.

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    • Women with jobs, cars, possibly careers, some level of college education, and who have explicitly stated that their looking for a long term relationship. Beyond that I'm not all that picky, though apparently expecting punctuality, accountability, and dependability IS being too picky.

    • What about looks wise?

  • Ugh ill ignore the fact you called women "bitches" due to being upset, but the same thing has happened to me...twice now /:

    • Uhm... what are you on about? I didn't say the word, "bitch" in my question a single time.

  • I would dump her and move on.

  • Hey man, I agree completely. If we make plans and you agree to go, follow through, if you can't just SAY that. I rather someone just be upfront and honest and tell me how it really is. Just be like, "Hey man, I'm not interested, can't make it" yada yada. But don't give me the run around, especially at the last minute, and expect me to be okay with that. Irritates the sh*t out of me. I'm sure she was aware that her parents were still going to be there, she just didn't have the common courtesy to at least follow through or bare minimum, reschedule in advance. I know it can be annoying, but unless this is the only time she's done this, make an exception. Who knows, she probably has a good reason for it. I wouldn't cut her off that quickly. Maybe wait for her to reschedule something with you. I guess you'll see from there if she's serious.


What Guys Said 8

  • I don't think you should be angry.

    1date doesn't stipulate an explanation behind not wanting a second. If she ignores your text and calls when you're attempting for a 2nd date you should drop it. You're getting far to emotionally involved much to early. It's probably what put the girl off in the first place. It burdens people when you lean on them in this emotionally charged manner.

    The other reasoning you have is absolute nonsense. The girls parents came down to visit and decided to stay a little longer then planned and you're upset because she had to cancel your date. The parents visit is much more time sensitive and a larger inconvenience to cancel then a local date that can easily be rescheduled. Ignoring that, who is owed more? Parents devote a good portion of their lives raising their children... what have you given up for her? You couldn't even take a rain-check on a single date without resentment.

    I'm sorry that you feel the way you feel but this sense of entitlement and high level of dependency you exhibit are not valid reasons for your outward anger. I think you should try to be a little more understanding and realize it's not just you on this planet. Your wants and needs will not, and should not, always be placed at the front of the line.

    • I agree with out on the "not requiring an explanation for a second date" scenario...

      But going back to my initial post, where I described this flaky girl - We had gone out several times prior to my silent dismissal.. she even came over to my apartment and we made out... so you can bet your ass it comes as a shock to me when I receive the silent treatment... I'm not delusional...

      But for the QA's case, maybe the girl should have informed her parents that she has a new suitor... I can't imag

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    • Interview or not, a date demands respect and communication. It's still a relationship of sorts. We don't just show up and not interact with one another.

      And adaptability is another aspect she seems to have failed at. You're beating your own argument here. Adaptability means accounting for your time and working it so that all your plans fit the schedule. She didn't adapt at all. She just let our date fall off the map.

    • Thanks for pointing that out.

  • I'm 100% with you on the first paragraph but I wouldn't let those girls cloud your judgement for this one. You can't expect a girl that you just started dating to pick you over her parents. You might not have the same relationship with your parents as she has with hers. At least she's being honest with you and keeping you informed instead of not returning your texts like the other girls you were complaining about. I would just be cool about it (for now).

    • I'd be inclined to agree if we hadn't made plans weeks in advance and her parents hadn't been in town for several days already. The whole reason for choosing Sunday was so she'd have time with them. If I'd known I was going to get screwed anyways, I wouldn't have bothered making time for her. My time is not expendable. If I make time for you, it's because you are important to me. If you can't do the same, especially with prearranged planning, then clearly I am not important to you.

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    • They live about 4 hours away by car, so I would say that she gets to see them fairly often. I used to make a trip almost identical to that four or five times a year, though mine was slightly longer, about 5 hours.

    • Eh I think that's far enough to speculate her seeing them is not a regular thing. I'm about the same distance from my parents. I'm still going to go with my original answer. It's unrealistic (and a bit selfish) to expect her to kick her parents out so she can go on a date with a guy she just met.

  • Girls are complicated and they do the weirdest things to guys. I can't agree with you anymore on how frustrating and annoying it can be. You need to let this girl go. Obviously she thinks you're less important to her than her parents especially at that age. I'd honestly just give her a call and ask her straight out if she's interested in you or not. Tell her you can handle hearing that. I know being rejected hurts, but it's a learning experience. Maybe she'll tell you why she doesn't like you and you can change that. Trust me, that feeling of rejection will change with each time. You'll get better with dealing with it as it happens. I was rejected and took it really hard because I am a very sensitive guy. The second time was less hurt and by the third time, I felt almost like my nerves were made of steel because I was so used to rejection. Just call her, say what you need to say and then move on. There's over 3 billion women on this planet. Just keep trying.

  • Yeah this crap is totally unacceptable...

    A month or so I ago I was seeing this girl... talking about my past to her and the topic came up to the very same things you mentioned - about how people (not just guys) deserve an answer or a response to be let go. It's just common courtesy... Then this chick goes into a whole spiel about "Well, most people don't communicate as well as you and I do..." Five minutes after her telling me all of this, she said she had to go and would call me later... I NEVER HEARD FROM HER AGAIN...

    Now, if that shouldn't get me mad, then nothing should. This is the epitome of being a gutless coward, and EVERYONE deserves better than to be treated so insignificantly...

    So try this - Next time a bitch gives you the cold shoulder or won't respond or ignores you, tell her "I won't leave you alone until you tell me to. You have to explicitly tell me off because I'm not going to 'take the hint'..." Seems like a d*** move, but at least you'll force this bitch to confront her cowardiceness of not being straightforward and honest... teach her a REAL lesson in communication lol

    • MikeK... come on man. It burdens me to see the progressive decline in your emotional attitude towards women and circumstances. You're not helping yourself with this line of thinking. You're entitled to think how you wish but what I wish is that you would reevaluate your outlook.

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    • Of course you make sense to me... and I don't take any of this as a personal attack...

      Granted, I've spent more time than I should have by debating this crap here on GAG, but I maintain my firm stance...

      Your evaluation is critical, precise, and correct... so where do I go from here?

    • Respect, communication, and honesty are dying virtues. People think silence is how you dump someone. "Oh, I'll just stop texting." Yea, that won't make the next random meeting awkward at all. What if we run into one another at Starbucks? Do we just look the other way? Engagements in the career world are also extremely time sensitive. Time is hard to manage when you're trying to build a career. That's why we plan things in advance.

  • Most women are f***ing weak. It's pathetic. They are so passive and pathetic and they try and justify it when really it's just their childish and weak nature that's the problem. While some are strong, and that's great, way too many are weak minded and spineless.

    But, in this case? Hmm, I don't see why it matters if the parents are around. That is a bit different. No real reason to be pissed there. You're not that into a relationship with her ya? Still someone relatively new? Ya, let it go.

  • alot

  • The problem is... we guys have been lied to. About equality.

    So we expect women to be as rational, reasonable, and decent as our male friends.

    The problem is, we're not dealing with adults when we deal with women, but with children. Literally. Most women are not mentally adults, just children old enough to drive a car and legally buy beer. Those few women that actually are equal to men are precious finds.

    When you have proper expectations, a girl's crap doesn't hurt as much.

    • I don't necessarily think all women are children, but I do think that the message of "equality" that women seem to get is very one sided. They seem to want rights and privileges without the corresponding responsibilities, like being held accountable for your actions.

  • I just say f*** those coward bitches who ignore text and calls.

    • Women(Girls I should say, because a woman is supposed to mature and mature girls do not exist.) No wonder girls are all men are so bitter, because all women are bitches period done end of discussion!

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