Lost my husband, dating again but am I making a mistake?

I lost my husband now 4 years ago. Just began dating a man I've known over 9 years. While dating this man I've noticed he does not handle stress well. Although he has really shown me that he is crazy about me in many ways, he is confusing to me whenever he asks for me to back off or give him his space as he tries to meet a deadline with submitting his dissertation towards his Doctorate degree. I have no problem with giving him his space and I've been quite supportive but I guess I don't understand why he calls me up to 5 times a day on most days, but won't see me but maybe once a week sometimes less than that. and we live less than a mile from one another. I also must divuldge the fact that he is a bit older than me and in his late fifties. He is doing things like taking me places, having lunch with me, calling frequently, telling me he loves me, and has a trip planned for the bahamas in two months with me. He says he doesn't want to lose me but that he is just overwhelmed and tired and stressed out.. needs his space.. I have never had to deal with anything or anyone like this and so I'm so confused about this. I wonder if I am being played.. I wonder if he is being selfish and is full of B.S. has someone else he doesn't want to let go of, etc..etc.. He tells me when his dissertation is over we will return to some form of normalcy but I don't understand how he could push me away like this and basically expect for me to hang in here with him. I have needs too! Am I being selfish? Is he being selfish? what should I do besides give him the space he needs? should I let him go? please help, I am so confused about this rightnow.

Just wanted to clarify for those who assumed I have no life outside of this relationship that I am self employed and enjoy a very satisfying life outside of this relationship doing things I love to do. It's this quality as well as a few other qualities that caused him to fall in love with me in the first place. I am also a very supportive and loving partner who tries to understand what he is going through. He is displaying signs of instability in his moods/ mindset and that is what's worrying me


Most Helpful Guy

  • "he is confusing to me whenever he asks for me to back off or give him his space"

    How is this possibly confusing? Give him his space, like you claim you have no problem doing.

    " I don't understand how he could push me away like this and basically expect for me to hang in here with him."

    Yeah, crazy that someone in a relationship who thinks their partner loves them, would expect them to support them through a difficult time. Clearly, he's nuts.

    Have a life outside the relationship. Give him his space. Enjoy your holiday in the Bahamas.

    • Anonymous, I really appreciate your response and for clarification, I didn't talk much about myself and so I can see how it may appear I don't have a life outside of this relationship however, that couldn't be furthest from the truth. I own my own business and have a very active lifestyle doing the things I enjoy doing in life. continued in next comment.

    • Then give him the space he needs and get busy with the things in your own life, so you're not just "waiting"

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like he has obligations that he can't ignore,and everything will improve once they're achieved.Personally,I think you'd both be better off if he spent a little more time with you,and he may even be more productive when he gets back to his obligations.Everyone is different and his way may work for him.Eventually you could both benefit from his achievements,and he most likely sees it that way.

    He makes it clear that he cares for you,and there's no reason to doubt it.All you can do for now is make sure he keeps up his vitamin intake to deal with the stress of the workload.

    Once it'sover,plenty of exercise and healthy sex should fix his stress level.


What Girls Said 1

  • I dunno... Just make a wise decision. Sometimes its better being single and happy then being with someone who shows instability or confuses you. I say just be careful, ask your girlfriends or your family what they think and take all their opinions into consideration.

    In the end its up to you just be careful and if he is a jerk don't give him a lot of chances. Wait for the right guy :)