Mixed messages about something a guy mentioned -- Advice?

So a guy I've been with for a few months now says he prefers to allow for "build up" -- it apparently makes the tension in the relationship more intense and appealing. I wasn't sure what he meant. I figured he was talking about when we're in the same room and the magnetic tension is so intense it's actually a challenge not to find each other across a crowded room. We might hold off just because other people are around, but once we're next to each other it's difficult not to stay close -- or to want to head out someplace more intimate.

Anyway, this isn't what he means. He wants us to cool off communications for a few days at a time. That seems a little odd to me since he's away a lot and I miss him. We talk every two or three days, I guess, but it always feels like an eternity apart. Maybe because the relationship's new. There's a lot of texting on the "on" days and even a message or two on the "off" days, but it's a struggle to maintain a no-comm day.

A few days ago he explains that build-up for him is when he lets his mind roam and think about the really hot and heavy things we've done, then one of us texts the other and he's just immediately turned on.

Is it true that guys appreciate this kind of "build-up"? I think it's a little different -- more of an emotional build-up -- for women. Your thoughts?


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  • It sounds like your time apart is making the two of you crazy in different ways. Have you told him that you miss him when you're not together and that you don't like being apart? Guys like mental stimulation way more, for sure. As long as he's doing it for fun, then you should be ok.

    • Yeah, when we're together I put my hand in his arm, give him a kiss/squeeze and tell him I missed him. He smiles and looks over but never says it back.

      I'm not sure I understand about the mental stimulation. It's only my second relationship (despite my age) and the first one in the texting/internet era. Things are confusing.

    • What I mean by mental stimulation is thinking about the time you have spent together intimately, and letting that build you up and excite you about your next encounter. And think about things yo haven't done that you might want to try. It sounds like he likes to let this build over a couple of days. You must be doing something right if you're giving him things to fill his mind for 3 days. It is new and you don't want to burn out, so just go with the flow.

    • Really? I figured he has someone else to occupy his time on the days he's not with me. The "build-up" thing sounded like a line to give himself space to ... "roam".

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