Why does he act like I don't even exist? What should I do?

We had been dating for almost 5 months. We don't technically live in the same town, but I am lucky enough to have a residence in his town, and while we were together I was there almost 50% of my time. He helped me through a really tough time, and the feelings were certainly intensifying. We had very few disagreements, but they were usually because there was a real lack of true communication. I would do things that made him mad, and in my defense I had no idea what his expected boundaries were, so I screwed up a few times. Mostly it was about me putting others first. I could tell by the way he would do things for me and how his kisses grew more passionate that his feelings were growing for me also. I didn't want to push the issue to change the dynamic of our relationship because he seemed skittish of his own feelings, and I was okay with taking things as slowly as he needed. Then, on our last night he told me he loved me, but he said it into his pillow. I asked him to repeat, and nothing. The next morning he was upset that I hadn't slept next to him. I hadn't slept at all and spent the night chatting with my friends (severe case of insomnia). There were other times when he couldn't sleep and would move to the couch or whatever. I just thought rather than keeping him awake with me tossing, turning or texting it was just best to go downstairs. He took off the next morning without a word. Then, no contact for 5 days. I ended up writing a long message to him about how I think our main problem was lack of communication. His response to my lengthy FB message was, "This was honestly the best thing I've ever read. I love your face." Imagine my glee! But then, nothing. I asked for another response (at this point all texts had ceased, this was all messaging on FB). I finally typed another message, saying how I really need him to give me just a minute of his time or I was going to have to bow out for self-respect. I had spent the whole weekend crying over him. Then, nothing, again. I went up there (spent my time busy with other friends, but hoping to see and hear from him). His only communication was that I could grab my house key from his car while he was in work, preventing any contact. I told him that I wasn't going to bow out without him having to look into my eyes and tell me what is going on. Still, nothing. His one text said, “I don’t know what you want me to say, and I don’t want to say anything.” WTF? Why did he flip so quick? What can I do to find out? I’m not crazy in thinking that he cared. His actions spoke for that up until that point. What can I do about this? I still think about him way too much :( Any advise is appreciated, thanks guys.


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What Guys Said 1

  • how old is this guy? He seems fairly immature or uncertain on how to handle this.

    • We are both in our late 30s. He's been a bachelor his whole life. Myself, I am a single mom of 2 boys. He's even fostered relationships with them: taking them snowboarding, giving cool gifts. Even my dog loved him. He would walk her for me night or day, just because they had a bond. Other people who know both of us just remark that he's always been an a-hole. But until this point had only been sweet to me. He's a little cocky, but some girls like that. Thanks for the response.

    • yeah what sparrow said. It may be difficult trying to discern his gentlemanly ways (building rapport with your kids and dog, being sweet to you, etc) as signs of interest/commitment vs just being nice or perhaps really liking to play with kids or whatever. If others have said he's an a**hole and he seems like a player or something, that MAY be something to consider.

    • Ugh. I know you're probably right. Sometimes it just helps to hear it from others. :(

What Girls Said 1

  • Cheesesteak is right, this guy is really immature and clearly doesn't know what to do or think regarding his own feelings. I'd let him go, honestly. If he isn't even willing to say ANYTHING when you mention wanting to talk to him or see him, it isn't worth it. I don't think even he understands what's going on in his head.


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