Is it way too soon to ask a girl to meet damn near right after finding her on dating site?

Just that this girl, judging by her profile it seems like we could get on incredibly well. We may well get on very well if we meet, and best of all she actually responded to me instead of ignoring me like many of the girls on this site have done.

I know it's way too soon right. We've barely spoken to each other (and all just in the last like hour or whatever). The thing is though, I find it incredibly difficult to connect with potential dates on dating sites because it's text talk. I find it hard to be myself... because I'm not being myself - it's not real socialising so how can one be themselves in that situation?

So so far, I feel like I've ran out of ideas or... ran out of things to say or just made girls bored of me so far on dating sites because, I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to get to know someone well or develop a relationship with someone when I'm not even meeting them.

Besides, fundamentally that's what everyone is there for - to meet. Maybe some people just meet straight away? Hech I don't know.

I think with me, when I see someone on the dating site it's a simple yes/no thing (as in I know straight away whether it's worth meeting them/whether there's a good chance we will get on if we meet). Of course on meeting a prospective girlfriend, I will be incredibly nervous and cotton mouth and awkward silence might occur, with me having aspergers and social anxiety an' all.

So what.. do I just be incredibly honest and just say up front that I'm not very good at this online dating thing and that I find it easier to connect with someone if I'm meeting them face to face and that I think me and her could hit it off well? Do I not say that but just casually suggest that we meet up sometime? Or do I just play it cool and try and get to know her for a little bit in this uncomfortable medium first?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've used dating sites, actually met my current amazing girlfriend on one. Sent hundreds of emails, met a lot of women. Had a fairly respectable response rate.

    You do have to play it cool. If there's one thing I've learned about dating, it's a game, whether you want to play or not. You, however, cannot play it incredibly cool. That throws up all sorts of red flags for women. It's a fine line to walk...

    Give it a couple more mails and a day or so. Then say that you would really like to meet her for coffee. Don't say that you're not good at this online dating thing. That will turn her off from talking to you online, and at all costs, you want to keep the conversation going. Say something along the lines of, "I think we connect really well and have a lot in common. I can be kind of impatient so I'm just going to throw this out there: Want to exchange numbers or meet for coffee some time this week? If you feel weird about meeting so soon, that's perfectly fine though. I can be patient for you."

    This does a few things. It gets your point across that you would like to meet. It gives her a couple backdoors if she wants to take them: the exchange numbers option or the keep it online option, which will ultimately make her feel more comfortable. Lastly, it lets her know that you are really into her but are willing to wait. Women love that.

    Don't wait too long. If she wants to keep it online/phone whatever, after a week start bringing up the meeting in person thing. Just keep mentioning your impatience and giving her backdoors. Make sure to sneakily imply that you're still dating around. A great way to do this is by making fun of a horrible first date. This will let her know that you're not going to wait around forever.

    Some women will try to wait you out for a full month. I've had it happen before. During this time, just keep dating other women, you may find someone you like even more. Eventually you will probably meet, she's just trying to make sure you're dedicated and not a player. You still have to play it cool though. Don't spaz out and seem overly excited about meeting her. It's all about the chase. Your chances skyrocket if she thinks she still has to work to get you to really like her.


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  • The guy I know who has done the most online dating -always- asks girls to meet with his first message. Note that he asks them to meet for coffee or a drink after work - a quick in person meeting. His view is that:

    - a lot of women (and I assume men too) on dating sites are flakes who aren't actually looking to meet, and he's not interested in wasting time on them.

    - people who are actually looking to meet people want to meet

    - if someone from your first message and profile isn't interested in spending 20 minutes with you, its not going anywhere (though if they want to chat back and forth before agreeing he does)

    - getting along via text tells you very little. If there's no attraction in person its a waste of time.

    So ... go for it. Don't excuse yourself for doing it. Ask her to meet because you're a dynamic man with balls who likes to meet people and she seems cool and you'd like to meet her. If she's not interested, there are thousands of other women to meet ...

  • I don't use dating sites , but I'd try and talk to her online for a little bit first before meeting but don't wait forever to ask to meet if your interested and think she might be . I doubt a girl is going to want to meet up rate away if she just like saw your profile in last day or so but you never know .

  • Ya you don't wanna look like a raper. I am so not a raper.