S.O. with "Walls"...a few questions

Going into my relationship I knew that my S.O. would have walls up to protect herself. She has been cheated on and many of the guys she dated were jerks. She was your typical "cheerleader girl" in high school but that changed in college.

When we first started dating, she had walls up constantly. She was less affectionate than most girls, always worried that some random girl will steal me away from her, etc. She even tried to break up with me due to her fears and stress. This went on for a good 5 months. On our 6 month "monthaversary" things changed. The walls started coming down, she became very affectionate, we developed a sexual relationship, and she started opening up to me and finally said "I love you."

Last week we got into a small argument and it sounded like she was crying. Ever since then she has been acting the way she used to when her walls were up.

Will her walls stay up for long?

Will they always be there? Or will there be a day where they finally just disappear?

She talks about marriage less now, and I get the feeling a break up talk is going to arise soon, just like before.


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  • She has issues. Tell her you want to go see a couple's therapist, because you really like her, really want to make this work, etc. Then go. A therapist will be able to tell her things you can't, because it would upset her. It will probably help immensely.

    • I considered this at first but knowing her the answer would be no. She does have issues with trust, which I understand.

    • I can't really suggest anything else to be honest. It doesn't sound like just trust issues (even though I'm sure trust may have something to do with it). Keeping in mind I'm not medically qualified to give a diagnosis, she appears to be showing signs of some sort of personality disorder... Chronic depression, Bipolar, or Borderline Personality are a few that come to mind. You really need to talk her into seeing someone. Put together an intervention if necessary.