After being friend zoned recently, even after following tips I've read up online, I realized something: I didn't feel at all natural during the times I hung out with this girl. First hangout felt fine, but the second hangout I felt too nervous and felt the need to build attraction so I can get a date, and I got friend zoned anyhow.
But after much given thought, I was thinking, is it really necessary to play the whole "self confident guy that needs to intitiate flirty touches to instill any sort of interest?" I feel nervous and awkward doing so, and it just doesn't feel comfortable or natural for me.
I feel I should just act as myself how I would act around my other friends, especially around a girl I like.
Do I really need to do the whole "3 day no contact rule", "wait for her to come to me so I can make her miss me?" and all those other nifty dating "tips." If I want to contact her, or any girl for that matter, I should damn well please to do so. I think the only thing I would consider is if I asked her plainly and directly "Would you like to go on a date on (insert date and activity here)?" so I can express my intentions.
Hell, I'm wondering if getting to know her as a friend first and then pursuing a relationship might work because at that point, I know who she really is.
What do you guys think?
Most Helpful Girl
Most people don't know if they want to be your partner when the first meet you. Flirting is a way to build sexual attraction. Friendship without sexual attraction is just sexual attraction. Some people are naturally charming and alluring. Some us are not. So, we pick up these "tips" to learn how to use our sensual, playful side to show our interest. You don't want to be friends, you want a lover ... that's why being friends often backfires. Most often, you didn't make the girl lose interest in you, but you wasted a bunch of time and energy going after a goal you didn't actually want. It's good to know if she's attracted to you from the start, if what you want is a lover, a partner...
The thing is, flirting doesn't make a girl who isn't interested in you interested, but it does help a girl who might be interested in you realize it. (The same goes for girls with guys ... being flirtatious, fun, open, inviting, warm, etc ... is better than being dull, closed off, boring, cold, etc).
That being said, asking a girl on a date directly isn't a bad idea, either. The "no contact" thing is a way to get people who jump into feeling immediately connected to a relative stranger to build intimacy slowly and progressively. Dating isn't about having a girlfriend or boyfriend on the first outing ... it's about getting to know people.1