Advice please!!

Hi. I'm 30 years old, and been on the dating sites for 18 mos. I've probably had email conversations with 20+ women. Met 4 so far. Terrible I know. The first girl I met in person, I was very interested in...and kinda shocked she showed interest in me. Two dates is as far as I got. People say that online is a numbers game..but I'm beginning to think its a time based waiting game. Guys who have had success online. If your story sounded like mine, but changed for the better, did you change anything, or just kept moving forward?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know a few people who have met someone online, but really only one guy who used online dating heavily and successfully. He'd use it between girlfriends and often find a girlfriend based on his online activities, within a month or so. Here's how he'd operate ... note the subtle differences from how you operate:

    - He used a pay site, not free ones.

    - His profile was good

    - He'd message something like 15-20 women a day. This was a lot of work he freely confessed because this was based on actually reading profiles and choosing women he had some interest in.

    - He would ask them to meet on message one. His views were that A) a lot of women (probably men too) online are flakes just looking to flirt and be validated, people who actually want to date want to meet, and those that don't are a waste of his time. B) online dating is weird and you want to move to normal dating as quicly as possible. C) if a woman isn't even tempted to spend 10 minutes having a coffee with him based on his profile and some back and forth, the odds that she's a good match for him are terrible. D) until you meet in person you have no clue about chemistry.

    - He'd go on something like 4-10 first dates a week. Yes 10. I can remember him moaning about his schedule one Friday where he had three first dates set up for ONE DAY.

    - Maybe 1/3 of the first dates would lead to a second date (so that's 1-2 a week) and maybe 1/3 of those go further. By 3-4 dates he'd either cut it off or go exclusive.

    - He'd fool around a little with more than one woman, but generally once he was sleeping with one, he would not be dating others. Note that he was up front about dating more then one woman, I'm just saying he personally didn't continue sleeping with a bunch, once he went that far, he generally gave things a shot with her.

    Do the math. In a month of being single he might have messaged 300-400 women, met 30 of them, had 5-10 second dates and a few third dates and chosen the one of those he was most compatible and interested in to pursue things further.

    Note that your ratio of meeting 4 of 20 and getting one second date out of 4 is actually quite close to his ratios. He's just talking to as many women in 2 days as you did in 18 months. Talking for a long time before asking to meet is probably not improving things much.

    • Wow! That's impressive. Was he that picky, or were the girls? I be meeting that many people per week. How long did this go on? It's hard enough to not get 2-3 girls profiles and info mixed up! LOL He sounds like a machine! I'd pay good money just to see what he wrote in the profile. I can't find 15-20 women that I'm interested in, in 3 months! And I'm on 5 dating sites. Where did he live?

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    • Yeah..but I'm beginning to get a complex! LOL. wondering if I will have to settle for someone that wouldn't have caught my attention in the past.

    • If you are -really- interested in 5% of women, and 5% of women are interested in you, you are only gonna match with one in 400. Probably there actually IS some correlation. Might be one in 100 because of that.

      meet. more ... women.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Just keep trying I'm sure you'll meet that special someone in no time.


What Guys Said 1

  • I don't know online dating is tough , I sort of gave up on and focused on meeting girls in person mostly at bars or clubs here , I've been meeting a lot of girls this summer but haven't really been dating them .

    but as for online dating it is a different experience for guys than girls . girls will just get random messages from all kinds of guys to choose from so there is lots of competition and they have many more options online than in real life

    guys won't likely get many first contact messages from girls unless they have an amazing profile . I think too its a numbers game and you'll need to message lots of girls but what might happen is some could be friends with each other and notice you emailed them both the same message . so try and avoid that if possible . make sure too you have a good profile that appeals to the type of women your trying to meet

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