My boyfriend has falsely accused me of cheating (based on a misunderstood text message). What do I do now?!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. He and I are pretty religious. So, he got this text message (my phone is messed up and sends delayed messages often.) This message seemed to be continuing a conversation that said (According to him) "there is still love on my side and I pray that it will continue. " OK, as it seems fishy. The message I meant to send to him, never actually sent, and sent this one before. He and I have been fighting off and on almost since we began dating. I don't remember to who and when the message was supposed to be sent. But I know that I've spoken to friends about how he is angry, maybe he doesn't love me anymore. So I believe the conversation was something like that. I was also offering condolences to a friend in the message. Now, he thinks I am cheating. Today I went to a funeral with a friend from church, and because I didn't call him right away, he accuses me of cheating on him with this guy. To make matters worse, without even thinking rationally, he says, he doesn't have to be committed in this relationship anymore, and he "doesn't know what will happen." He has lied to me about cheating on me before. He has girls waiting in the wings, willing to sleep with them, So when he is ready, he can pull from his reserves. Every relationship before me, he has cheated. I am the first woman he hasn't cheated on. He always accuses me of cheating. Even with people who are like brothers to me. I always encourage him to do the right thing. No other man has touched me, I do not say I love you to anyone except my boyfriend. I also don't pray for God to help the love between us remain except between MY boyfriend and I. I have to wake up in 2 hours. I work 12 hours every day. On top of it, yesterday, I had a funeral, so I'm even more tired that I usually am. He is never sympathetic. He always thinks in his mind things that don't line up. In his mind, I am always wrong, no matter what I am say. I understand the message looks fishy, but I have nothing to hide. I didn't cheat. And I've never cheated. He has. And even if he did...I would not feel the need to repay evil with evil and threaten him or do the same. I never threatened to go to another guy. I never told him I can find someone else. He has told me, there are girls better than you. My ex was more beautiful than you. I never said these things. I won't lower myself to that. If I am in a relationship I cannot commit to, why is that even a relationship in the first place? What should I do? What should I say now? Should I continue to try and convince him? Should I give him space?

I meant, I only pray for God to help the love between my Boyfriend and I remain. I only pray for this about him, not about some other guy (as I don't love anyone or say I love you to anyone except my BF)


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's very controlling and this won't change except for the worse. If he isn't willing to admit he has a power and anger complex, then you should end things now before it gets worse!

    He's very controlling and into having the power in the relationship. He takes advantage of you being accepting of this and trusting in God.

    He will only get worse, as you are already seeing.

    Time to end this before you invest more time and emotional energy! You need your freedom back, right away.


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What Guys Said 3

  • "He has lied to me about cheating on me before"


    "I am the first woman he hasn't cheated on"

    aside from this and the many sort of inconsistencies and twist in turns of speech in your post...which I'll presume are a result of exhaustion and stress

    it seems to me that this relationship is doomed. I'm not sure if he's cheated on you but it seems like mentally he has checked out and is going to hold this miscommunication over your head. it also sounds like he is jealous, selfish and irrational. I'm not quite sure why you've put up with his b.s. so far but I would really consider ending this relationship as it doesn't sound healthy for either of you

    • Let me clarify the 1st one. He made me think he was cheating on me, to get back at me for some issue or argument we had. I found out later, that he wasn't cheating...he was just saying that he did.

  • If you swear an oath by God that you never cheated, and he doesn't believe you, then I say there are no strings left to save the relationship

    If God forgives, then so should he, it would be a merciful thing to do. Plus a text message like that won't hold up in court as evidence for cheating.

  • I would say give a break..

    being after 3years, if there is no trust at all. all in vain.

    Me and my gf,we are too in a re;tnshp ovr 3yrs,distant reltnshp..but I trust her alot. Infact I have never trust like that to anyone else,inreturn she do the same. Strong bond between us.

    Trust by one person isn't enough, both must do the same.


What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like he just wants an excuse to pick a fight, cause some drama and maybe even break up with you. Also, him being an "ex" cheater means that he knows exactly how a cheater thinks. This might have made him overly paranoid, thinking that everything you do that is even remotely similar to something he might have done when he was cheating, is you cheating on him.

    Anyway. If I were you, I'd break up with him. I just don't understand how you can put up with his attitude. Him comparing you to his exes, blaming you for stuff you haven't done, putting you down... none of those things should happen in a relationship. At least not in a healthy one. Do the bad times outweigh the good times? Because it kind of sounds like it...

    "He and I have been fighting off and on almost since we began dating"

    "He says he doesn't have to be in a committed relationship anymore, and he "doesn't know what will happen""

    "He is never sympathetic"

    "In his mind, I am always wrong"

    Wake up. He's threatening you, disrespecting you, treating you like crap, not being sympathetic, being selfish... why do you want to be with a guy like that? He sounds absolutely horrible.

  • He is troubled, and unfortunately his own past untrustworthy behavior makes him suspicious of others. His cruel words about other women being better / more beautiful aren't acceptable - our loved ones should support us, not knock us down. Honestly I know you love him, but I think you should take a break and see whether this helps him value you more. Otherwise, is this what you'll have to put up with forever...?

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