How do I tell him to either be someone I can rely on, or don't bother calling?

I met a guy almost a year ago, and we went out for a little bit. Our relationship got physical and it started to become more of a friends with benefits than anything else. Eventually we both got busy and we didn't talk to text for 2 months until he text me out of the blue to ask how I was dong. We spent the next week or so exchanging texts, and when I asked if he wanted to come over for dinner he said he would try, but we never ended up hanging out because he cancelled last minute. A month later, he contacted me again, and again asked how I was doing. Said he has been super busy, but he wanted to hang out that night if I was available. We did end up hanging out that night. The next week, it was the same pattern of me asking if he wanted to come over the following weekend, him saying he thinks he can, and then canceling the day we are supposed to hang out. Needless to say, I never said anything after that, and I know I can't rely on him. Now, over 3 month later, he text me again, asking how I was and letting me know that his work is getting slower and that he will be starting Graduate classes a few miles from me in the fall. We text all day yesterday just catching up, and he said he offered to come over today to help me get a dresser into my apartment that I just bought. I just got a text from him this morning saying he can't come by as he had originally thought, and he canceled yet again, without suggesting another time.

At one point I did really like this guy, but I moved on when I stopped hearing from him the last time. I'm tired of not being able to rely on him and these disappearing/reappearing acts. I was hoping to tell him face-to-face this time that it is great to see him but that I don't want to do this casual relationship. If he wants to hang out and sleep together, lets actually start dating. But if he doesn't want to, or doesn't think he has time (which is fine), stop contacting me out of the blue when it's convenient for him. I have no problem having that conversation with him, but I don't really think that's something to be said over the phone, or by text.

What can I say to him? Should I even text him back after he just cancelled again? How do I get this message across without being rude, or making it sound like an ultimatum?


Most Helpful Guy

  • For one, it is an ultimatum, so you can't make an ultimatum sound not like an ultimatum and succeed. Two, it's best to do this over the phone since sitting in front of someone and saying "Get it together or go home" is actually far more standoffish ( rude ) than doing it from afar. Different strokes though...

    So, you want to say this hm? Well, if you really intend to do so then offer to meet with this annoyance and if he fails to show up again then fail to return his messages fro the rest of his life. Or you can just skip past this and not respond as he's not worth the effort. Whichever you choose it isn't really a life-changing decision.

    • I like him. that's not something I can control. What I can do though is choose to move on (like I did 3 months ago) But I really just feel I need to say something because what I really don't want to move on again, and then have him contact me 2 months from now. That's just playing with my emotions. So then, I need to call or text him that right?

    • Pretty much, yes. The shorter and more concise the stronger the punch.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • About 95% of guys admit that they masturbate; the other 5% lie about it. We learn at an early age (puberty) how to tell we are about to come. A favorite male pastime is to do a prolonged masturbation session while staying near the edge of orgasm as long as possible. This is called "edging." It is truly wonderful. Men do not quit masturbating after they are married. The luckiest ones (those like me) incorporate masturbation into their sex play with their wives. Masturbation should be encouraged among young teens as a safe sexual outlet. It can be done alone or with a partner. I am over 65 and still love my wife and love masturbation, too.


What Girls Said 1

  • I wouldn't accept that behavior from a friend . . . I wouldn't accept it from a lover.

    No respect for your time now=no respect for your time as your boyfriend.

    I'd ditch him, respectfully and to the point.

    Good luck