First time here, can any women give me some advice?

Hi, I'm new to this site so I guess I could say this is my ice breaker onto this site. I've been single for over 3 years now and I just keep asking myself am I doing something wrong when it comes to women? I've only been in 3 actual relationships my entire life so my experience might not be up to par as compared to others. I've always been nice towards women, a gentleman, helpful when needed, caring, etc. I have been told by some women that I'm ugly (which does hurt a bit but I try to press on) There are some women that have stood out from others that I would've loved to have a shot with, but it just seems that I can't get out of the friends zone with them, or I just completely don't even try for (beauty can be an intimidation factor). Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been single for 2 years so I know how it feels. but I haven't said yes to anyone, on purpose because I'm still healing from my past.

    that's really mean for them to say that. but I guess those women aren't kind and neither are they polite about it. that was such a direct coment.

    i used to be like that. like when I was in my teens, I didn't care about how I looked and guys never gave me a chance. I'm different now. sometimes it does depend on looks for some people. I would try to get to know someone my friends recommend.

    sometimes you can go out with a genuine girl, who isn't the prettiest and she has a great personality. you mentioned beauty, ...are they all really really pretty? then yeah, it could be intimidating.

    work on what you can work on. like you said you're intimidated by beauty. then work on your looks. I know it hurts. in highschool, I never got asked out and suddenly after I worked on it, guys keep asking me. so yeah, it sucks I know. just believe in who you are and being nice is good.

    remember-it doesn't matter how many relationships you have had, it's what you learn from observing and experience. I've had few relationships. and I know more than some people who date like way more than me. but I'm more selective now. so just work on what you can. don't stay sad about it, maybe read books on relationships. I have for the most part.

    • Its funny though how a lot of the women that I have been with always seem to pull off the whole "wolf in sheeps clothing" bit. Things would start off great then all of a sudden do a complete 180 with me getting the brunt end of it all. I'm trying my hardest to improve myself physically so that I can be somewhat attractive to more women. I'd say my personality is pretty good (atleast from what others have told me)

    • That's good. just stay positive about it. I know it's tough. for me, it kinda turned me off that more guys started to be interested me because I started to look cuter I guess lol

    • I'll try to keep my head up :) 2 years single isn't bad, but I guess when you pass 3 then it's like "omg wtf srsly?" haha. Thanks for the advice :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Well what you don't want, is someone that is shallow.

    I think that your problem isn't getting out of the 'friends zone'

    but its avoiding getting in there in the first place.

    DO NOT become her 'girlfriend':

    -don't be the one to always say yes to shopping trips, only one once in a while. maybe like once every two months or less even

    -don't let yourself become her best friend if you want a chance with her

    *girls don't usually want to get into more of a relationship with a best guy friend because they are worried that if they end up badly, they won't be friends anymore.


    -get to know her, again without becoming her best friend there are galpals for that.

    -flirt a lot

    -ask her out a lot to movies or to eat at your place or just on a walk to the park, like little mini dates

    just remember to not get into the friends zone.

    if she starts asking for you to go with her to the mall, or hang outs with her girls,

    say no! no no no.


    i hope I helped a little bit :]

  • I kinda like "ugly" guys. They seem to have the best attitude. You sound like a good guy. Start asking women you like out. The worst they can do is say no.


What Guys Said 6

  • Contrary to popular belief, being extremely nice and friendly towards girls and showering them with gifts and attention doesn't create attraction at all.

    Girls will always say "I want a nice guy bla bla" and end up with a cheating jerk.

    Not that the other opposite is a good lifestyle to pursue lol but it's just to make it clear that those guys usually get all the women while the nice guys get put in the friendzone and have to hear "you're like a brother to me" all the time.

    The reason behind this has to do with sexual selection and for women it comes down to picking out the alpha male and mating with him since he gives the best chance of survival (he's better in protecting and providing then the other males) while the beta males feel to create enough attraction with girls to be able to mate with them (the nice guys).

    Look around in your group of friends and you'll see who the alpha male is right away; he's the most confident person in the group, has a confident body language, can be slightly or very self centered, is the natural leader of the group (everybody follows him), always does whatever he feels like doing without caring about what others think and all the girls always want his attention.

    Does this sound familiar to you? Well then you've just admitted to yourself that you've noticed in your own life that the alpha get's all the women :D

    So in short, the best way to attract women is to be an alpha male with lots of confidence and generally be fun to be around with and who always takes initiative.

    Read link if you want to learn more about this.

    Good luck!

  • The reason guys end up in the friend zone is (usually) because they put themselves there. I've done it, too, but here's the trick to avoid being the friend zone:


    If you like a girl, ask her out ASAP. Don't worry about getting to know her first, about looking like a player, or about looking desperate. Chat her up, flirt, be funny. If she talks to you for about 10 minutes and tried to keep the conversation going, she's (potentially) interested in a date. Ask her out. If she says no, move on to the next girl. Don't settle for friendship with a girl when you truly want more -- having a bit of respect for you (and for her) will save you from the dreaded friend zone.

    Also, be careful with using niceness as a tactic (I've done this, too). Being nice for it's own sake is wonderful. But never assume that niceness alone means you deserve anything in return.

    Is some women have told you they think you're ugly, that's only their opinion. I think Angelina Jolie is ugly ... but I'm apparently in the minority of guys. No matter what you look like, some girls will like you.

    Good luck.

    • But women are always saying a good relationship starts with a good friendship foundation. Hell, my ex wife told me that. I called BS on it, and we're still divorced.

      Also, I agree Angelina is ugly.

  • Just look at it this way, if you don't try you don't get, Always aim higher, That way you could get better.. Just be prepared to be disapointed, then if you do get turned down it won't be so bad, and if you don't it will be even better :P

  • at least you have had a girl before, so you are not doing anything wrong then.

  • And welcome to the site!

  • patience is a virtue. she will come, my friend.