Is he another manipulator, possibly abusive guy or is he just insecure? I don't know what to do.

I'm so good at judging people,but I suck when it comes to judging guys I'm talking to/dating.

Since my father died,I always ended up w/manipulative/abusive guys & it seems like as soon as they knew my situations & about my ex's,the manipulation started.

There's this guy who contacted me on a dating site on February.I didn't pay him much attention because I was talking to someone else.But he kept on trying to convince me to meet (he doesn't spend much time online because he works a lot,has 2 pro jobs,lawyer and movie producer).One day he even copied/pasted part of an article (abt people scared to date that hide behind a chat) into our chatroom,only for me to discover those weren't his words just after I met him (luckily enough I didn't like that article).He wanted to take me someplace romantic,so kept asking if I ever been here or there...He asked me lots of stuff.Unfortunately,we slided on abusive ex's topic.I was uncomfortable AF,but kept talking not to be rude.He noticed and his tone was even,but he said it was because he's used to hear these stories because he's a lawyer & wanted me to find the courage to report this dude.IDK.Since then we've been texting because he's working 15hrs/day now (this would end next week).His first texts were like "You don't have to be shy with me,this is a good thing,abt 2 people liking each other,passion and letting go" "but I won't chase after you if you don't make me understand that you like me as weel" and "Get ready because next time I see you,I'm gonna kiss you".I was like WTF we just met dude,relax.He teased me a lot about chatting with other guys so I told him to stop and he told me getting me mad was his technique to catch me.Then I discovered about the article and confronted him.He denied until I linked it to him,that's when he told me he was so busy that completely forgot about something he made before seeing me in person,bc much more important stuff was shared.I explained to him that I wanted a Real Man and not one who I have to spank,that I won't open up until I'm sure he's the one & I can trust him,that I like to be wooed etc.He replied that he won't try to impress me just to get me but just show his real him.One day he asked me for pics,jeans&t-shirt.I told him I don't have normal recent pics of me total body,so gave him some modeling ones.He said they were too patinated & doesn't like that stuff,that they wouldn't give a b0n€r to a priest.I got so offended after that,but he played it cool & even told me I was touchy (it's true,but he was offensive indeed).I told him to never call me that again.Since that time I confronted him about the article,I was always the first to text the other,but I tried to blame it on him being busy.Yesterday he texted "The movie's coming along great,thanks.I'm fine,thanks".Trying to make me feel guilty.If I haven't been in the mall,I'd LOL for sure.

Since I've been with scum,every time I'm scared a new guy's an abusive one & get paranoid.

Is he just insecure & I'm being paranoid or is he a manipulator?


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What Guys Said 2

  • The only way to find this out is too ride it out and see. Your guard may be up too much, be analytical but don't be paranoid (there is a difference) know the indicators and when they arrive or when you see them, don't just ask on your instincts but on your logic.

    Many of those people on dating sites are on their for a reason (either an easy score, or to case women, or because they like the hunt and get really pull it off at a club, bar or public venue) yes, he may or may not be one of these guys.

  • You have to give them a shot. But if they start getting paranoid/controlling/abusing. That's when you have to call it off. Don't think for a second that you can change them. They will always be that way.

    • I know since I learnt it the hard way that I can't change them.

      It's just that those times when he said those things I felt uncomfortable... And the last time he really did hurt me when he offended me. I'm scared that if I go on dating him I'll get attached and that's where I won't be able to detach myself anymore.

    • Show All
    • Sry my thoughts are all over the place here. But I hope something I said helped.

    • Believe me, I already attract too many guys as it is and I usually know when someone likes me, even if he doesn't make a move, so this isn't about looking around, opening my eyes or improving my body. I just have attachment/abandonment issues...

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