What the hell happened with this woman ?

I started to date a woman two weeks ago. She was ten years younger, but the chemistry was great. After the first date, we decided to see each other again the next week-end.

Friday arrived, she cancelled one hour before the date, but asked to see each other again the following day.

Then, the next day, she stood me up. I waited for her for about an hour, then called her, but she didn't pick up.

Back to my place, two hours later, I received an email with apologies, to which I replied that we could see each other anytime during the following week, but she would have to go to my city, as I wanted to be sure I wouldn't wait for nothing.

So she did suggest the very next day, and came to the date.

The date went perfectly well, I could find the same chemistry and body language. After the restaurant, we went for a walk, and I grabbed her by the waist. Then I found a romantic place, pulled her against me, she laid her head on my shoulder, I started to kiss her hair.

Then came the time to kiss her. To my utmost surprise, she rejected me harshly, the tone of her voice changed.

Since it was late and I am a gentleman, I drove her back to her place, instead of leaving her to her destiny. During the trip, I asked her what had happened. She didn't want to tell me, prefering to write to me instead. I said it was not an option. Then I could see an anger crisis, followed by some hysterical laughter for a minute. Then she finally told me she was attracted to me, but was feeling I was more attracted to her, and that it wouldn't work.

The next day, I wrote her an email, telling her that if she didn't want to see me, she had all the opportunities to tell me, instead of showing me that she was interested and coming to another date, letting me getting close, then blowing me off so awkwardly and I told her that this behavior wasn't acceptable. I didn't expect an answer, as it was clear I didn't want to see her anymore after what had happened.

To my surprise, she answered that I wasn't a gentleman, and a couple of other insulting things, which made me delete the mail without answering it.

Yet, I am pretty puzzled. I have seen my share of weird dating things, but this was a premiere.

What are your opinions, do you have similar experiences to share?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I as well agree that the age was the elephant in the room. This would be a good explanation for why she blew you off 2 dates in a row. She WAS attracted to you, so she gave it one last shot and was comfortable, til the kiss. That's when it really got to her again that you were so much older.

    THEN you confront her about it in person, which is completely acceptable! The problem is that people are so wrapped up in communicating via text, email, FB, etc, that they are losing their skills to TALK to people in person! It's incredibly annoying.

    So, she was too embarrassed and nervous to react normally or tell you how she really felt, instead you got the angry outburst/laughing episode. Poor thing probably just about had a heart attack lol. I still see potential for her to be a nice person, she just doesn't respond well to stressful situations. I know there are many other scenarios, but this is the one I see being the most likely.

    • Interesting answer. I hesitate to agree, because she knew I was older than her from the start.

      I could have accepted this version after the first date, but she came back for a scond one, so I won't take it as an excuse.

      Stress or not, after I wrote her the email, the next day, she only answered to insult, not to explain or apologize. And in the insults, there was no reference to my age. So I don't understand where the niceness potential is.

    • Show All
    • People are becoming really really DUMB when it comes to communication. It was easier on her to NOT say anything in person, and be spiteful and rude later. I'm not saying it's acceptable or the proper way to go about things, but that's not going to stop people from doing it. I didn't call her 'poor thing' because I feel bad for her, it's because I pity her ignorance. You're surely better off without her. Her actions are not a reflection of you.

    • Thanks for the support. Maybe communication has just been subdued by violence. I don't know.

      But you're right, even if it hurts (because of the way it happened, and not because it happened), I'm far better without that type of companion.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • the only thing I can think of is she didn't want you to be too forward and do the things you did (kiss her or try to) on the second date. I know I wouldnt. I see you are from France so maybae things are different over there. But I definitely see that as a possiblility. Otherwise she seems like a flake and possibly felt sorry for cancelling your dates previously and out of obligation decided through with it. But it boils down to she is a flake.

    • That's an interesting point of view, I thought about it as well. But then her reaction was completely out of proportions afterward. I am not sure it is something about being french, I guess it is more about : is it in the air?; and it felt like it was. Thus my stupefaction.

What Guys Said 5

  • In my opinion it's a waste of time trying to decipher her "reasons" when her actions clearly state that she's not interested.

    You can't really be angry with her for giving you mixed messages because you can't really ever know her reasons for doing so. From her point of view (after living her life in her shoes) it made sense for her to do what she did, and say what she said.

    But can you can LEARN from your poor decisions. Why did you ignore all of her RED FLAGS:

    - cancels date an hour before

    - doesn't show up for date

    - acts surprised that you want to kiss her

    - prefers to writing you over talk with you

    - etc

    Don't waste time trying to "solve" what happened or her motives but instead ask yourself why you seemed so desperate as to ignore all the obvious signs of her disinterest?

    ~ Robby

    • I think you should reread my question. I was aware of the difficulties as they arose, but didn't force her into doing anything, which implied that she came as she felt free to come.

      Also, please take your condescension, wrap it in a dorito, and eat it. Thanks.

    • Touche?

  • When you are with soeone who is younger/older. it's an elephant int he room. No one talks about it, but then at unexpected times, thenormal course of atttraction is interrupted in this way by the person remembering that, hey, ther's too big an age difference.

    I know she didn't say that, but I think it's what she meant when she said you were more attracted to her...

    You have to expect this kind of thing, and it's why I stopped even thinking about going after much younger women, back when I was maybe 21.

    • I would not usually go for younger women. But she seemed to be mature and funny, and the chemistry was great. But it changed in a second. I don't think it was a matter of age difference, but rather some behavioral trouble. Otherwise, it wouldn't have gone as far as this point, and I wouldn't have had to witness an anger crisis and hysterical laughter afterward.

    • Ithink the laughter was to cover up embarrassment. After all, she HAD led you on up to that point.

      I think she just wanted to be entertained and have fun. But when you started going for the intimacy, she jumped back, and was really probably angry with herself.

      But women do have this tendency to project anger with themselves onto the guy! That's not a new insight!

    • As anonygirl above said, (bless me why people have to be anonymous answering this question..they're not revealing anything about themselves?) it's when you started heading for the bedroom that she remembered the age difference. One thing to have a little fun with an older guy, another to become his lover!

      And she stood you up, no doubt, because of the age difference.

  • She is a psycho bitch. You dodged a bullet.

  • Women are selfish, immature, and rude. You just ran into a really bad one.

    • Yes, I ran into a really bad one, though I don't think all women are the way you describe them. However, it seems I have a tendency to attract those.

  • As soon as she cancelled your second date, you should have tossed her phone number in the trash and moved on. A cancelled date is a deal-breaker, especially in the early stages of dating. However, as you saw later, she is also completely off her rocker, so consider yourself lucky.