Why am I so insecure when it comes to dating?

I don't have a low self esteem. I take care of myself and like to think of myself as attractive. When I am dating someone, I like them to notice/compliment my efforts for looking nice on a date. I know this may seem shallow of me, but I like the attention. Is it because I am insecure? or because I want approval that the guy still is interested in me? I really don't know why I crave the attention of being told nice things. I mean, I know I look nice when I do so why do I feel bad if the guy doesn't say it?

I am currently dating someone and he says I am pretty and sexy but never compliments what I am wearing or says "you look nice today". Yesterday while having sex, I asked him "Luke, do you like me?" and I realized I sounded childish and he said "Of course, or else we wouldn't be doing this right now".

What is wrong with me? I feel helpless when I date someone, especially if I am very interested. When I don't get the "validation" I want to hear, I feel like they are not into me.

I am a very analytical person, I notice everything and if things don't go the way I intend I get insecure as well. Using the same guy as an example, while he was halfway changing out of his workclothes I tried to makeout with him and he brushed it off. I felt kind of offended and immediately thought he stopped liking me. Then after he was done changing, he came around and grabbed me and was very passionately kissing me. I didn't get that at all.

I feel like something is really wrong with the way I am thinking, I use to think that there was something wrong with the kind of guys I am dating but now I'm starting to think it's me, not them.

Please no mean comments, honestly just want some constructive critism ,some advice, and know if any other people feel this way when they are dating.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know when this was posted, but I feel the exact same way. Currently I am seeing a therapist, hoping I can talk out my frustrations, anxiety and what I am feeling, whatever is bothering me at the time. Maybe that could help you too. I don't know. But here's a bit of advice, make a list of your best qualities, talents, looks, and your personality. Write everything good and positive about yourself on that list. Look at it every day and eventually you will realize and say to yourself, I am an amazing person, I am worthy and deserve someone special who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I'm in the process of doing this, and honestly it does make me feel good inside. Cause I really am I great girl, and I can give so much, if only a decent guy could see it. And I think I may have found one...but I'm having some trouble with my craving for attention from him. And I know he can't give it to me 24-7, but I can't help but want it. I never got that kind of attention before so it feels refreshing and good inside. I think I just answered half my question that I posted like a few minutes ago, lol.

    Good luck to you.


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What Guys Said 2

  • maybe you feel you don't deserve that person? but anyway, insecurity screws guys more than girls in terms of attracting someone obviously

  • It is you and not them. Now if only the rest of ou women would realize this we might get somewhere.


What Girls Said 0

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