Why do you get married? What is the real reason?

My question is basically for the guys,married guys especially. There's a joke and it goes like this:"If a guy chooses a beautiful wife from 10 girls,there is still the pain of losing the other 9!" If this is accurate then I don't understand why do guys marry and settle down with one girl knowing they won't be able to date any one else after marriage.Why not just continue dating that girl! I have heard men are commitment phobic too. Also I have noticed guys don't get married for children and family(which most girls do!). So what is the real reason for putting a 'ring on it'?

P.S: My question is not for the religious people as I can understand their reasons!

OK this is not meant to hurt or offend the guys! I am not cracking the joke, just conveying it to you people so you can debate about it and help me understand guys better!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I have never had any eversion, phobia or hesitation towards a solid relationship. I want a good thing, and when I find a good thing, I stick with it. Yes, there are a lot of really gorgeous girls out there, and yes, on some minor level, I am still attracted to other women, but I'm not into them. Something switches off in my head when I'm in a good relationship. Where I only want the one I'm with, and have no desire to ruin it, so I don't.

    I also do want to get married, and yes, I DO want to have kids, someday. I've been kinda hoping my fiancé and I one day soon can find a way to get married, and can hardly wait to have kids of my own, though I acknowledge that neither of us are quite prepared for it yet. Still, I want to one day, I do

    For commitment phobias. I don't think it's entirely unfounded for men to worry about it. For one, men value their freedom. Everyone does. Some women seriously hate the idea of kids because they rather "enjoy [their] life".

    But sticking with men, yeah there are a lot of people (both men and women, actually) who are conditioned to think pregnancy is like the second worst possible outcome of sex. (Y'know, after STDs/STIs) Plus, back on freedom, there is no denying that having to raise a child is in fact going to cut into your private life, your freedom, and you spare time, not to mention your money, and then there's all the destruction. It can be worth it, but it's not something everyone can deal with, and not everyone sees it as worth it.

    Furthermore, relationships and marraige are both scary. There is no getting around the fact that divorce rates are higher, and while I always ALWAYS catch shit for bringing it up, in a hell of a lot of places, where the courts side very heavily on a woman's side. (Actually, not just in divorce court.) Heck, I had an uncle who lost his shirt to his divorce. My friend's dad got in an ugly divorce that left him bankrupted for over 20 years.

    Considering divorce can get so ugly, marriage is scary, plus people in general change in a divorce, love turns to greed, pettiness, and spite. Even if she's not a digger. Prenups should help, but they don't, if you have a good lawyer. In some cases (and places) marriage isn't even necessary for someone to take your shirt. So with that, it's not even marraige, but relationships themselves that are scary.

    When a guy does choose to marry a girl, reasons can vary. He could be like me and actually want it. He could have just reconsidered things, and his feelings changed over time. He could do it because he feels he has to, to avoid something worse. He could be pressured into it. It could be just to shut her up about marriage, and he's just throwing up a flag and saying "you win". Who knows. But naturally, unless he's with a good woman, and he doesn't suck himself, and unless he really wants it, and she really wants it, and they all do it for the right reasons, then it's naturally not going to work. But again, scary part is, there's still no guarantees.

    • I get you. Thanks for your answer and I wish you the best of luck !

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    • But at the same time I will also say that men can kinda suck too, when feminism is concerned. A lot of guys have a pretty strong, hard, and rather childishly obnoxious knee-jerk reaction to anything regarding feminism or what a woman might feel as sexist. So... yeah, I'm back to saying that people suck in general.

    • I can agree

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Because it provides things a regular relationship doesn't. Marriage is also a declaration to the rest of the world that says I love one person enough that I would be committed to them and only them for my life. I was going to ask someone I cared about more than I think she ever wants to admit to marry me just a few months ago, but it wasn't what she wanted. When you make a decision like getting married you can not look for short term gains like just sex, you have to consider your entire life and if you could see yourself with the person 50 years from now. You also have to consider how you two are going to live together, where you both want to spend your lives, children if you want them and how many you want, as well as financial problems that may come your way. Not to mention once you get married the relationships you have especially with your single friends are strained.

    Often times men want the short term gain of sex or just have the feeling of being wanted, but when they do ask a women to marry them trust me they have given it a lot of thought (atleast I would hope so).

  • Societal expectation.

    Fear of lonliness.

    The ability to have companionship.

    Marriage IMO was invented to formalise bonding between people, but the reasons why people do it are varied. For any one human action, people hold individual motivations for it.

  • I laughed at that joke because it was funny, and like most good jokes, there is a grain of truth to it. Just a grain though...

    The truth is that for most guys, once they mature, settling down with a good woman is very appealing. I've been happily married for years and wouldn't want it any other way. I have never had the urge to stray because my wife takes great care of me and I know there is no other woman who could do for me what she does, and I don't just mean sexually (although that's a big part of it). I would be a fool to jeopardize what I have with her.

    • That's so mature and cute of you and I pray that you have a happy married life forever :)

    • Thank you! That's my plan...;)

  • Ultimate fulfilment isn't found only in sex. In fact, before any sex takes place, if you're compatible before sex is involved then you should be compatible thereafter

  • "why do guys marry and settle down with one girl knowing they won't be able to date any one else after marriage.Why not just continue dating that girl!"

    That's why a lot of men don't get married.

    The ones who do, typically want the things that marriage provides. Stability, home life, kids, that sort of thing. Whatever you think you've "noticed" about that, is clearly wrong.

    • OK I accept if I'm wrong. I noticed this thing on GAG too BTW!

  • OK, so before I continue, I have one question.

    You bring up a sexist/misandrist joke, then you followup with asking about it, then bring up a thing you "heard", and then bring up something you "noticed" before asking what the "real" reason is.

    Before I answer, I have one question.

    Do you believe all of that?

    • And to clarify, I mean do you actually believe all of that like it's objectively truth about all or most guys?

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    • Fair enough. Then I'm not going to rip into you.

      Anyway, I am in a commited relationship. I'm not commitment phobic, and I'll get married eventually, when I'm old enough. Just not right now. The real reason is because I want to.

    • OK that's great and I wish you the best of luck for your future. I think the media is to be blamed for portraying men like commitment phobic and cheaters!

What Girls Said 1

  • Marriage is lame

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