So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years. We started off having a really intense highly passionate sex life to now I am lucky if I get it once a month. I love her dearly she's my everything. I've stood by her through some tough spots in her life and never thought of leaving.
She is clinically depressed and suffers from anxiety disorder. She's been taking meds on and off since we started dating. She is currently in a cycle of depression. We've had sex 2-3 times in the last month and a half. I have a high sex drive and would like it on a daily basis if possible. However, given that we live over an hour away from one another, and she's in school while I am working late hours at my practice its hard to meet up. However, when I talk about wanting her she tells me she isn't in the mood or whatever.
I want to help her and be her rock but I also have needs. I've never been a man to cheat but this lack of physical connection is driving me insane. Thanks for your help
Most Helpful Girl
I'm guessing it's the meds, if she's on SSRI's (the most common meds). They can kill sex drive. She should talk to her doc about making some adjustments. Also, she needs to try to fit some exercise in her schedule because it can help jumpstart the sex drive. Also, to masturbate a lot and not try to "save up" your sexual tension for when you see her. That makes a guy ancy and he starts putting pressure on without meaning to. Physical affection without the expectation of sex can help build up sexual tension in a female. For us, it's not just that we don't want the sex, but if we have sex when we aren't into it, it can often be painful and unenjoyable at all. So that starts a vicious cycle of not wanting it because you remember how it hurt the last time and try to avoid that feeling.
Until she gets her meds sorted out, something like, cuddling a bunch through the day and being affectionate. Then cuddling and touching each other sexually. You can even get naked and touch each other and try masturbating next to her or something. (She may not be into that...I don't know her likes, but a lot of women including myself are aroused by seeing my partner's erect penis ... so that may help her feel some arousal without feeling pressured to have to have intercourse). I do know that when I tried an SSRI, it was very hard to become aroused the same way as when I wasn't on them ... not just mentally, but physically. And not just with a partner, but through masturbation. Which makes me think that it's not just a lack of interest thing when you're on the meds, but that the chemical changes influence how you react to sexual stimulus.4