I text him that he hurt me. Should I not have?

I was talking with a guy for a few months and he pursued me like I was never pursued before. He was so nice and kind, always texting me nice sweet things, calling me, and always showed concern.

I was reluctant at first to a relationship because we shared different beliefs especially when it came to sex but he made it seem as if it was okay and that he liked me.

So I start really falling for him and since there were feelings well before we started talking it just made them more intense to interact with him like we did.

Well the other day I went to visit him, just to hang out and chill and he started making a move which I was uncomfortable with. I told him and he then told me that he couldn't be in a relationship where we couldn't go past kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc but not actual sex. Needless to say I was hurt and shocked but didn't say too much that night. he spoke about wanting to be friends though and still wanting me a part of his life, blah blah blah. I didn't contact him after that and a few days later he text me as he usually did.

Later that night after being miserable and hurt all day I decided to text him and I sent this:

"I've been thinking and honestly I'm confused by everything that happened. I don't understand why you continued to pursue me knowing how you felt and knowing where I stood. I wish that I had known because I really care about you and before my emotions really got caught up. I feel like I needed to let you know how I felt because I was very overwhelmed that night."

He hasn't replied and honestly it's okay for now but I was so hurt and I felt like he should know that what he did was kinda mean. I feel like he continued to pursue me to see how far he could get and not because he actually liked me. I feel kinda stupid too because I was actually and finally allowing myself to really fall for him, I can honestly say that I have love in my heart for him. It hurts to think that he can't get past the sexual part of the relationship and see the other things I have to offer.

Should I not have said anything or was that text not a bad thing to send?


Most Helpful Guy

  • nothing wrong at all with your text. it was honest, reasonable and frankly a truth that he needed to be confronted with

    you did make your desires in terms of sex in the relationship clear and I think he, thinking he could persuade you otherwise, pursued you nonetheless. this a fault of his own. I would say you accept a little risk when you know what a guy wants and is clear about it, however at the same time he did say that he thought despite your different sexual desires that things could work which then presumes that he is willing to work on your time frame.

    i really don't think this was a bad text to send. he needed to hear it and know how you felt

    • Thank you so much! I have to say I REALLY appreciate your comment especially since it's coming from a male point of view. I just felt so crushed when he told me that and it took everything out of me not to cry. I tried to choose my words carefully so as not to be over the top, completely filled with emotions, or accusatory and I wanted it to be straight to the point.

    • i think a lot of guys will say they are fine with the idea of waiting or whatever in hopes of two things

      1) they think they really can wait only to realize their libido takes over

      2) that hopefully them saying that will be enough for a girl to feel more at ease to go further with them sexually

    • Well I would love to think that in this case it was the first reason. I really don't want to think he's a horrible person at all. I don't even want to bring myself to believe that which may be because I really care about him a lot.

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What Guys Said 2

  • (Age:25 to 29)

    -You both stated your aims and limits. They aren't the same. Nothing wrong happened, no one was hurt or both of you were hurt equally. It just didn't turn out he way each had hoped. You did nothing wrong by saying 'no' nor by texting him your feelings. He did nothing wrong either. Both of you are unhappy about failed hopes.

    Stay just friends and move on.

    • Thank you.

      Although I stated mine from the beginning and he told me after months had passed. I'm not angry that he feels the way he does, I'm just hurt that he didn't tell me sooner before I my feelings really got deeper. He didn't seem very hurt because he spoke of how I'll find someone else and he seemed like he brushed it off. That hurt even more.

    • "he told me after months had passed." Possibly he thought it was evident but without having much hope.

  • Telling him how you feel is not wrong. However, you have to realize, no one likes to be confronted...guy or girl

    • I understand that. It wasn't my intention to confront him at all. I held all of it in and ended up having a panic attack over it all. I decided that it was best to say something instead of not. I'm just hurt and I felt like I needed to let him know, I needed to say something.

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