Online Dating: Male Etiquette - My Experience So Far

I am writing this after after ending my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 years (we parted one year ago). Back onto the what is now “modern” dating scene which is very different and trying online. I am finding that the majority of males who contact me have absolutely no sense of etiquette whatsoever, I don’t write anything risqué and keep my emails upbeat and realistic that should not lead to the sort of email I am receiving. These guys feel they can say anything in an email when they are trying to get you to go out with them. If they said those things to women in a Wine Bar or even attempted to do any of the things they had written they would be arrested, getting slapped would be let of lightly!

Is this because they are hiding behind the secrecy of their PC and they get rude and abrasive or are they actually really like that? Or the possibility of being online they feel free to take on a fantasy or a different persona?

Thoughts and experiences would be appreciated! Thanks in advance

Oh where did all the nice boys go ?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Where did all the nice guys go? I could provide you plenty of theories but dusky you can't tell me that NO "nice men" have messaged you. In fact those sex solicitations are few and far in between.

    Most of the nice time it's not mr nice guy, it's mr head turner. With all the emails women recieve it so easy o hold out and wait for someone of high caliber.


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What Guys Said 2

  • ok, here's how I perceive it.

    1) Guy goes into a bar. He's an a**hole. all he wants is sex. So he spends money on new clothes, gets "dolled" up, starts working the room, talks to 100 ladies - most of which reject him - and eventually asks them for sex. He's rejected 99 out of 100 times. He's also out let's say $500 and 20 hours. (plus the slaps you rightly called) - so he's gotten sex once.

    2) Guy goes online. He's an a**hole, all he wants is sex. He sits in his underwear and emails 1000 girls asking them for sex. He's rejected 99 out of 100 times. HOWEVER, he's spent next to $0 and maybe 2 hours, max. - and he's gotten laid 10 times.

    In scenario #2, there's a MUCH lower cost/benefit ratio. So there's DEFINITELY going to be more guys trying #2 over #1.

    So, as a woman, you have to be much more selective online and weed through a bunch more jerks. In other words, you'll be kissing a lot more frogs to find that prince. It can happen.

    If you want to increase your odds, you have to go to a place where the ratio of jerks to quality men is much lower. That means no internet, no bars, etc.

  • I hear this all the time. I've got some bad news for you (and good news).

    The problem with the online dating scene is that 10-15% of the guys on these sites will email every single person they get matched with in hopes they can get one of them into bed. They are playing a simple numbers game and online anonymity means they have almost nothing to lose.

    What has happened as a result is for this to work the woman has to initiate contact... and they do. I'm your generic nice guy, over bars, and too busy to do the whole go out and be single thing and I have never so much as initiated a flirt with woman online. Why? Because there is no way to compete with Pervy McGee and barrage of gimmicks and come-ons.

    The Bad News is that what has changed is that if you want to meet a nice guy on-line, you will have to find him and write to him. Don't worry, once you get past they initiation stage and he knows your interested he'll pick up the ball, but at first you will have to write to him. If you get any kind of perviness from him.. just move on. Most guys online are a little less bold and will appreciate your assertiveness.

    The Good News is that there are lots and lots of really nice guys out there and you don't have to sit around and wait for one of them to pick you, you can pick them. Not only is this okay, but in the online dating world it is kind of standard. Just remember to not come off as "crazy" or "needy" which are what the guys are screening out.

    Good Luck.


What Girls Said 1

  • I agree with the response below. It also doesn't mean you have to xontinue the conversation if you get a bad feeling about them. Sometimes you can get an idea how a person is by their profile online or pictures they post. it may also be too soon to get back out there. take time to get back to who you are, do extracurricular activites, stay healthy, take care if yourself. I came out of a 15 year marriage and it took me 3 years to get back to who I am and loved my life. I recently met a wonderful man on a dating site, one day after being on the site. It is possible, but when you are in the right place in your life, love will find you, you won't need to look for it and only then will it be right.