My friend says, "you should date anyone who likes you"?

I was talking to my friend yesterday about how this guy in one of my classes likes me, but I only like him back as a friend. I asked for advice on having to reject him, but instead my friend said I should give him a chance. When I gave her a perfectly good list of things I knew wouldn't work out (he's only as tall as I am, he's not my type, he values different things, his jokes aren't funny, and I don't have butterflies around him) she said I should go for it and hope the butterflies come afterward. That seems crazy to me.

If you're dating every guy who expresses an interest in you, how are you going to be available for the one you actually like back? Why waste your time forcing yourself to date someone you don't have feelings for while your actual crush backs off because you're taken... it seems like shooting yourself in the foot by forcing companionship because you weren't patient enough for the real thing.

Thoughts? Who would you side with and why?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that in the dating world, we don't see other people for who they really are most of the time. People are in artifical environments, on their best behavior, dressed up, away from their friends...

    So someone that might be good looking, may turn out to be a wife beater, illiterate, or a drug dealer...

    It's not good to depend on 'butterflies', since that mostly relates to how 'cool' someone appears,and really good people are often not in the 'cool' crowd, as you probably know.

    The problem is that dating isn't a good way to get to know someone. I'd, isntead, try tohang out with guys who like you in a group situation, working together on something, or in a club with other people with the same interest.

    That way, you get to see how someone behaves in a a normal, everyday setting, and you don't have the pressure of being one-on-one with them all the time.

    I do think you should check out anyone who likes you, snce theymust know some characterstics about you if they are attractred

    But maybe not 'dating' every guy--there are better ways to find out what they are really like.

    I do agree with your friend that butterflies can develop as you get to know someone, especially if they aren't a flashy dresser or naturally handsome.


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  • My best friend's mother gave her the same advice and you know what happened? She got really good at breaking up with people until she was with a guy she really liked but things just working out... On one hand it was very good that she got tons of experience in the dating world and now knows what she does and doesn't want, however I wouldn't say she made the guy's life any easier. I would do what you want. It's unfair to date a guy you don't want to give the time of day to, and it could ruin your friendship if it goes sour. However, if you feel things could go well, and give it a shot I say go for it :) but it's a lot easier for you to say somebody should date someone else then to date them yourself :/

  • I agree with you. Personally, I know very well when things won't work out. It's not really about not having butterflies around them, it's more of a gut feeling that we just wouldn't click. And I always trust my gut, it has very rarely been wrong. The more I get to know them, the stronger that gut feeling becomes. So no, I don't think you should give EVERYONE a chance. I mean, it wouldn't hurt to try with a few guys, but to give in to every single guy that just happens to like you? No. That's asking too much. Besides, if things don't work out, it might cause a lot of unnecessary drama. They'll start blaming you and telling you that you lead them on. And what can you respond with, then? Because from an outsider's point of view, it really does look like you lead them on.

    So to protect both yourself and the guy(s) who like you, you shouldn't give every single one of them a chance if you really don't think it would work out.

  • I agree with you. You can't force yourself to feel something, or date someone in the hopes that feelings will grow. Wait for the person who you feel chemistry with, because there is no reason to settle.