Has being used as a rebound caused you to rebound?

There's this girl I met online that a few months ago. When I first started talking to her, her profile said she just got out of a relationship and she was looking to take it slow. At the time, I had no idea what rebounds were. I also hadn't dealt with anyone with baggage or on the rebound. I figured I'd just go for it and see where it goes.

This girl seemed to be super into me and came on pretty strong. She ended up asking for my number. She'd push for me to talk, even if I told her I was out with friends or going to bed. She'd also want to talk because she "loved hearing my voice", and then she'd also text and call everyday and say she wanted to hang out with a tall, funny, cute, sweet guy. This all happened before even meeting. Even on the first date, she asked to go to my house and was wandering around the room looking at family photos. The day after she asked for the 2nd date and said she wanted to make out again.

She did complain about her ex a little bit, but not too much. It just so happened that her ex was someone I ran cross country with. Because she was saying he's a piece of sh*t, I thought she wanted to avoid him. I couldn't have been more wrong. I just looked at it from the wrong perspective. I was just annoyed about her talking about him. She also said that she didn't wanna run into him at the bar we went to for our date. I said yeah that'd be awkward, but then she's like no I'll just tell him I'm with a cooler guy now.

Despite all that, I did have genuine feelings for her. Not only was she the most attractive girl I'd been with but we had a lot in common too. As cliche as this sounds, it did feel like we knew each other. All of those things, plus her acting really into me made me think she was interested in a relationship and caused me to get attached. I'm not putting her on a pedestal because I know there's plenty of other women out there, but she did leave a huge impression on me. I just never thought I'd meet someone like that. Most of the girls I've been with barely had anything in common.

Our dates went really well, but she ended up flaking on the 3rd date. Weird thing was, she responded to a joke I texted her but when I asked about the date she didn't respond and haven't heard from her since. Oddly enough, she's still friends with me on Facebook. A week later after she flaked, she started talking to the same ex that she complained to me about.

Anyways, I have seen a girl since that and am talking to a few others to see where it goes, but I still find myself thinking about her at times. I wouldn't say I'm using these girls because we do have stuff in common and get along fine, but this is taking longer than I thought to get over. I don't know if it's because I Haven't had a real relationship before(I've had hook ups, dates, and flings) , the fact we had so much in common, or that she seemed super into me then flaked.

Has anyone else been in this situation? If so, how did you overcome it?

Does anyone else think it's weird that she asked to go to my place on the first date and was looking at my family photos when they weren't out in the open? I mean it wasn't like I asked her to look at them. She was just wandering around the room and then when I came by her she's like I like looking at family photos and then was asking about my brothers, their names, and what they do. She was also talking about how cute my parents wedding photo was.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I have been in the girls situation before. Had just broke up, although it wasn't my first heartbreak but the pain was pretty bad. I just wanted someone else to kind of push all of my feelings onto. so obviously when two people healthy and normal like each other..even if they do connect really quickly etc, they would want to not rush it or come on too full on and risk scaring away the other person. if someone does this to you, comes on too full on and the feelings are escalating too fast (especially a girl because girls usually like being chased) then they are not doing it for the right reasons. maybe they want sex, maybe they want a rebound, but it isn't a healthy normal dating/ relationship they want. In my case, there was a guy he was attractive and was into me, and I had all these left over feelings of love, and passion that were just inside of me. I needed to push them onto somoene so I did to him. its not that I didn't like him but I wasn't in love with him, I just pushed the emotions of love for someone else onto him. I feel bad now I think about it, I genuinely made him feel as if I was feeling those feelings for him. we dated a couple months. he really fell hard. I wasn't leading him on, I wasn't deliberately doing it, but at the same time I knew he wasn't right for me but I just desperately enjoyed his company and he took away my pain. however, I was in constant contact with my ex. I ended up getting back with my ex, and leaving the other guy without much explanation. I just kept getting irritated at him deliberately and slowly backed away. however, I kept him on Facebook etc incase it didn't work out with my ex again. I guess I didn't think I was doing a bad thing..i mean it had only been a couple months. you can't fall in deep love with someone in that time.. true love takes time to build. so I knew he would get over me. so bottom line is being a rebound is never a place you want to be in. in fact anyone that comes into your life and it feels "its too good to be true" well it usually is..

    • Good to see the perspective from the rebounder. I can see where you're coming from, but yeah being a rebound is definitely a bad place to be in and something I don't want to be again. This girl also left without any explanation, which hurt the most. It made me feel like I screwed everything up and that there was so much wrong with me and that I was an idiot for falling for what she said. I also noticed that rebounders are hot and cold. One day they're super into you, the next day, not so much.

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    • lol I don't see the problem? I went back to my bfs house and his parents lived there, and he was 25. but yea not for quite a few months did I meet his parents. I think different people will consider diff things OK and not OK. you just have to decide what is OK for you. I don't think what she is doing is weird. maybe she has concerns to and likes to see how you interact with your parents or bla bla. maybe she is looking for something serious.

    • Well I probably just misread signals. Again, I had never really dealt with it before. I think her moving pretty fast caused me to move a little fast. I didn't think much of it. I just gave back what I took. When she was coming on strong like that, I didn't really question it. I was more shocked and just took it at face value, but yeah you're right if someone moves that quick that soon, it's probably not for the right reasons and if it's too good to be true, it most likely is.

  • ya I've been there and really the only thing you can do is move on sorry to say, she was obviously using you as a crutch and a "good for now guy" whether she realized it or not and yes she may have been genuinely interested in you at the start as people feel lonely the most after a huge breakup and think they can move on quickly but 9 times outa 10 that never works. She has more then likely gone back to her ex or is working things out with him or hoping to and putting all her energies into that. Your best bet is to stop all contact and unfriend her as its only torture for you if you see anything on FB and live your life..give these other girls a chance though you should take some time before you do or you will be doing the same thing this girl did.

    • I am giving these other girls a chance and do want to continue seeing them and see which one is the best match. It's just a tough situation. I will say that it's gotten a lot better though. For the first 2 months after this happened, I was very depressed and even had a hard time thinking of my own interests that she shared as well. Glad I'm not feeling that way anymore.

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