Ladies, what is the best post break up behavior if a guy wants reconciliation?

So my ex of almost a year broke up with me last year because she said she never loved me and thought the relationship was going nowhere. To be fair, I never told her that I loved her. When she first broke up with me, I felt I took it well and like a man. I did not cry or beg. I told her that I respected her decision and walked away. She said we could still be friends.

But then, after a few days, I realized how much I missed her and that perhaps I that I truly loved her. I then wrote her a long handwritten letter to express my feelings, followed by an email and then finally asking her in person if there was anything I can do to make things right. She said no.

After a few months of NC (and depression), I saw her again at a function (we are in the same circle), and was friendly towards her. I did not bring up the relationship and I kept my cool as best as I could althouh I am sure she could detect I was nervous. She was friendly enough to me. I never called or bothered her after this although deep down I was hoping she would come back.

Another month passed, and when I saw her again, I felt more confident that she and I could be amicable towards each other. Although I would have preferred a reconciliation, I was glad that we were not enemies. However, this time, my ex turned ice cold and rude on me. I was stunned and hurt, but I maintained my composure and civility.

I later discovered that she found out through mutual friends that I started dating around (nothing serious, but she thought I was dating someone) and otherwise bouncing back from the breakup.

Did I kill my chances with her by either trying to get her back with the letter, or by moving on and dating others?

What do women prefer a guy to do once they have dumped them? Let's assume the guy was not a perfect boyfriend, but he did not cheat or lie to her. Would you respect a guy who walks away and does not try to get you back?

Does it bother you if he dates others even if you dumped him?



Most Helpful Guy

  • "Did I kill my chances with her by either trying to get her back with the letter, or by moving on and dating others?"

    No, you didn't.

    Look, your chances of getting back with her were virtually zero anyway. A girl loves the idea that a guy has a hard time getting over her. That sort of thing feeds her ego. It doesn't make her want you back. She got pissed when she heard you were dating, because it meant you were over her. Again, it had no bearing on whether she wanted you. She just liked knowing that you weren't over her yet.

    It's very petty, but it's practically universal in girls. They might deny it, but when you get enough experience you'll see that it's true.

    It's one of the reasons that the best thing a guy can do, is move on immediately. It throws her into a right state - she gets annoyed, upset, confused and doubts whether the relationship ever meant anything or was even real. It's a power play, which involves the guy basically getting all the power in the post-relationship struggles.

    She's pissed right now because whether you realized it or not, you just took some power away from her.

    Again, it had no bearing on her desire (or lack of desire) to get back with you.

    • Thx. I know you are most likely right. I am simply upset that she turned out to be so petty and self-centered. She said we could still be friends. But, I guess it was OK for her to remain friends as long as she moved on before I did. She had also told me that she was used to guys chasing her, including old boyfriends that were currently married (and why is she still in touch with those guys anyway?). Knowing this made me even less inclined to chase after her again even though I wanted her back

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What Girls Said 3

  • No. If any girl dumps you that's a pretty clear indication she's not happy with you and doesn't want to be with you.

    No girl will dump you if she's 100% happy. Even 80, 70...etc% happy.

    My ex talked me into staying with him; it was good for a week then I regretted it and broke up with him again later.

    • Thanks. I just don't get why my ex was at first friendly towards me after the break up, but then turned to ice when she found out I was dating others.

      If she wanted nothing to do with me, then who the hell cares if I am dating around?

      And, if it were up to me, I would have rather have reunited with my ex than start dating others. But, I wasn't going to beg for her to come back. Maybe this is what her ego wanted?

    • After breaking up she still might have liked you as a friend and was nice. When you started seeing someone else probably all the things she liked about you were amplified and she got a bit jealous someone else would be getting that from you.

      You could have a talk with her. Say something like "I feel you're a bit cold lately and was wondering why?" She will tell you what she feels if she wants to and you'll know what's on her mind.

    • Thanks, but that was some time ago. She is probably seeing someone now anyway. I was just curious about the seemingly odd behavior. I also wouldn't be so hung on her if she, like my other exes, was not my same community/circle.

  • You dating is actually really good for your odds of her coming back people want things they can't have so her thinking you moved on would of made her get in contact with you if she had any feelings left

    • Thanks. I guess since she did not get in touch with me, she has no feelings left, so it's really over. It hurts to know this, but at the same time, it allows me to move on.

    • It sucks but knowing full well she's over you will make it easier to move on

  • Be nice, but stay a distant friend. Contact her,then see what she does. Have a passion and work hard on it. This will make you more attractive. Also, you can date others but don't go out of your way to let her know or anything.

    You shouldn't be concerned of respect, etc.

    The most respectful men, to me, are hard working and do whatever they want while remaining honorable.

    • Thanks. Your advice makes sense. It just hurts that she is being so resentful towards me because the relationship didn't work out and/or because I would not chase/craw back to her: she is being cold to mutual friends who hang with me and avoids events because I am there. And I never became bitter with her during the breakup, never cursing her out or anything. In fact, I thouht I was gracious and respected her space. I though that meant we could be friendly down the road?

    • Show All
    • Also, don't contact often. You wanna be friendly but not just another male friend. Friend-LY

    • Thanks. No, I do nort wan to be in the "friend zone" I will nonetheless, continue to be cordial even she has hurt me.

What Guys Said 1

  • Never, ever chase after a woman. It puts you in a weak position.

    • I assume you mean after a breakup? When I first met my ex, I approached her confidently and made my intentions clear. She had a lot of guys chasing her (so she says), but respected that I was confident and straightforward with her. But, I seemed to have lost it when she dumped me.

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