Self esteem shredded post break up?

I'm currently 4 months into a breakup. My ex has rebounded into a different relationship each month since and but this month she's started showing off her new fella off in front of my friends and family. Obviously it stings a little but Ii can say honestly that although I'm not completely over her I don't love her and definitely don't want her back. Since the split I've moved on with life as best I can. Learned lessons from the break up, figured out who I am and what I want and got in shape too. The thing is since she started showing off the new boyfriend to my friends and family I feel like they think I'm a loser because I'm not with a girl. I don't know if its my fragile ego making me think this or whether its really what they think. I've been on 2 first dates since the breakup but I'll be honest I'm really struggling to get dates. I'm working on being happy being single but the fact my ex is showing off her new toy makes me feel awful that I can't get a date. Any advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You should not compare yourself towards her new boyfriend. You are not him and if you were, that means you would be having issues with your ex girlfriend again. Each man is different and no man is comparable to any man - that is something immature adults do. I went through a recent break up but I never compared myself to another guy because it defeats the purpose of your own personality.

    Never live to anyone's ideology besides your own. What works for another person should not be used to work you. Let the break up melancholy run its course and don't fight it or use another woman to make her jealous. No man should destroy his honor by using another woman as a means to an end. A woman who flaunts her new boyfriend towards the former boyfriend is a child and immature.

    You are a man and a man should have a code of honor to follow. Never use, delude or hurt a former girlfriend just to get revenge. As the adult in any ending relationship, it is maturity that binds you to your feelings of who your identity is after a break up. You were you before the relationship, you were with her during the relationship and now you have to find your new self post relationship.

    It gets better, just do not fight the emotions. Never let the emotions control your actions, but find a place to let it run.

    Good Luck

    -Nicholas Halden


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What Girls Said 2

  • no one thinks your a loser,she is because she jumps from one guy to another where you are mature enough not won't last w the new one either,after the honeymoon stage wheres off because its obvious she doesn't know what the hel1l1 she wants

  • Don't compare yourself to her. I doubt anyone else is looking at you and thinking of you as a "loser" because you haven't found a new girl yet.

    You've already started moving on. You're in a place emotionally that you don't want her back, you're keeping yourself busy, you're going on dates. That's great. It takes time for things to fall into place, but you're doing all the right things so things should come together in time.

    • Thank you, I think I just need an outsiders perspective y'know? I think the ex sees break ups as a competition I don't but I think the thought of her laughing to herself thinking she's winning makes me mad.

    • I have a feeling that's all in your head. But even if it were true, and that's really what she was trying to do, it would be a reflection of the fact that she doesn't feel too good about herself right now, either. So she'd be in the same boat as you. Happy, fulfilled people don't feel the need to "compete" with their exes over who can get over the other one quicker. If she were really over it, she wouldn't waste her life doing that.

What Guys Said 1

  • Women rebound much faster because they have the options to do so. Most of the time it's with the guy they had before the girl leaves. As far as going on dates goes, never forget the point of dating in the first place. Never forget why you are talking to girls in the first place. Being happy being single involves getting everything you want while you are single, and that includes getting sex if and when you want it.

    It's called SELF esteem and SELF confidence for a reason. It's all about focusing about yourself and getting what you want. You said that you have figured out who you are and what you want. If that is the case, then why do you give a damn about what your ex has or how she thinks of you? When a person moves on, it's mostly all about filling in the void, doing what you wouldn't (or couldn't) do while you were in a relationship, having FUN, and mostly putting yourself first.

    Never see yourself as a loser and don't care what others think about you, especially someone that doesn't care about you like an ex. As men, we approach women all the time with the chance of getting turned down. So the thing you have to do is to stop caring about your feelings being hurt about anything and everything. If a woman turns you down, just say "ok" and walk away with your head held high.

    If you can't get a date, then you have to figure out what you are doing "wrong", change your game and try different things. Contrary to what it told to guys, being honest, talking, being a gentleman, telling your life story, being a good/nice guy doesn't work. If you want a date, you have to be committed 100% to getting one. Don't work too hard. I tell guys to have the 5 "C's" Be calm, cool, collected, confident, and captivating. That covers all angles of attraction.

    Things may take time, but never have your confidence broken or even shaken. It starts with you and it ends with you.

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