Complicated... not sure what to do! At first it sounds cheesy but please help!

hi, so there's this guy who we are gonna call Bob. He's a friend of a guy I used to kindda date (I say kindda because it was never serious and it was like 3 years ago). Bob is 20 and I'm 19, we started talking a couple of months ago. We went out and it was awesome chemistry all the way, it was amazing, we didn't even kiss and it was one of the greatest days of my life. then we hang out again (first kiss) it was seriously perfection, and we started talking a lot three days later we started talking and I don't remember the reason we started talking about my past with guys, family, etc. (to give you an idea my dad was an alcoholic, and I've only had one boyfriend and the guys I've dated have cheated, treated me like sh*t, etc) so yeah no expert at the love field. After I told him, I thought everything was fine, then the next day my dog died and I was sad so I stopped at his place to see him (Bob). He told me that he wasn't looking for a relationship and that he had his focus on college. So from then it has being weird we hang out, we kiss sometimes, one day he had a presentation and I helped him with his homework, I spent the whole night doing it, at the next day he didn't say a thing, like that there are many things, he lives close to me so when he was sick I droped him some soup, then he was sick again and I took him to the hospital, etc...He dropped out of college. I see him like twice a week and we talk everyday sometimes I don't text him and he texts me or the other way, he's really sweet through messages and when I'm with him everything seems righ, but I know I'm giving to much and he's not putting anything, I really like him and with my history with guys you'll know I don't have much luck, but this guy is reaaally important to me, everyday I wake up thinking today is gonna be the day when he realizes I'm here, and the other day his friend the one I used to date called me (5am) and that happened two different days and I found out he was looking for sex (obviously I know), and I got really pissed, Bob was with him both of the days )not next to him and he didn't know his firned called me) when he found out he didn't say anything to him at all not even that we are hanging out, I seriously don't want to stop seing this guy, I just want him to take me seriously can you help me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow... I wish I knew the perfect thing you could say or do... but this is a complicated situation. And no one besides you and Bob can really understand how you feel or what's right for both of you.

    It sounds like you care about him a lot. And I'm not gonna tell you to stop talking to him, because you probably won't do that anyway. But... yes, it does sound like you're bending over backward for a guy who isn't reciprocating. Would he bring you soup when you were sick, for example?... Or would he spend an entire day on your homework, if you needed help with it? ... I know you already know this, but giving and giving and giving is *not* how relationships work... and it's definitely *not* the way to get a relationship started. You're gonna exhaust yourself trying to prove something that he simply doesn't want to see. Clearly, he keeps talking to you and hanging out with you, and he isn't telling you that he isn't interested (besides that one time)... but is that all you need to keep pursuing him? What would happen if you set the bar a little higher, and expected a little more from him? For instance, the issue you had a little awhile ago, when his friend/guy you dated called you for sex... clearly, you kinda expected Bob to step in, say something, or even stop it from happening. If you didn't have such feelings for Bob, what would you think about the fact that he did nothing?

    I'm just saying, sometimes our own feelings are our worst enemy. Maybe it's worth it to re-examine why you are so emotionally involved with someone who doesn't appear to be emotionally involved with you. I know you might not want to hear that, but that's my impression of the situation and I can't try to overlook it if I'm trying to help you.

    And, in all honesty, there's nothing you can do to get him to take you seriously. It's possible that backing off a bit and ignoring him/not contacting him will peak his interest and he might temporarily acknowledge how much you do for him, but that's game-playing and it doesn't work in the long term (things will just go back to the way they were as soon as you start being your nice, attentive self.) You've also been patient and you've been there for him in every sense... if someone can't see your worth after all that, then *they* are the ones who are undeserving and it's not *your* job in life to change their mind about it.

    • Thank you! I tried not texting but after a while he's weird again as you said I'm not sure what to do! but thanks a lot

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