Women you're not dating gets mad?

when a woman that you're not dating but flirted with a lot gets mad.

this particular woman is a bartender. I noticed that she never would agree to meet for lunch. and that she wouldn't reply. so I started treating her like a bartender four weeks ago.

i started tipping 15 to 20% unless her service was great instead of 30 to 40%

i stopped giving her chocolates

i went from four days eating at her bar to one day.

i should note that I'd be fine with her saying no if she actually said no to me but no answer seems not respectful.

her boyfriend left her high and dry a few months ago in the middle of the day...

i once tipped her 50$ and once sent her to the spa ( 265$ value ).

so I think she has no reason to complain.

i ate there last night. watched sports. she didn't talk to me much. she was super busy. so I didn't talk to her much. she was filling up beers and I asked her to pay. she said do you need to pay now and I said as soon as possible, granted I had my card visible for ten minutes...

so I leave...get to my next destination

get a text saying.

if you're going to come in and be rude when I'm busy. then don't come in. thanks.

lol wtf. I don't think I deserved that. she had the chance to go out with me so I figure I owe her nothing more than a bartender customer relationship...am I wrong?

one question I have is her showing her anger a sign that she cares on some level?


Most Helpful Guy

  • She crossed the line with that text (you are a customer; unless she owns the bar, she has NO BUSINESS telling a customer not to come in unless he's creating problems for the staff or guests).

    You made the mistake of spoiling her, both with your attention and with your money, before you had any real relationship with her. She got accustomed to having you at her beck and call, and having you "take care of her" financially, and enjoyed the attention. Now you've taken that away, and she's selfish and wants it back, even though she doesn't really want a relationship with you. While you did expose her for being a selfish, golddigging bitch, you also dug your own hole that you can't recover from.

    Here's the lesson; are you paying attention?

    DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON A GIRL WHO ISN'T YOUR GIRLFRIEND. The first few dates with any new girl should have a $20 spending limit, if that. It sends several messages:

    - You aren't trying to buy her (i.e., you respect her).

    - She can't use you for your money (you respect yourself).

    - You actually take some time and think about your dates rather than just trying to impress her by spending money on her, which any shlub can do.

    - You're making the date about SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, not about entertaining her at your expense.

    You let yourself get used, and even worse, let her believe she was ENTITLED to your money and attention at no cost to her. That's on you. Also, clearly, she isn't worth it anyway.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Ohhh shee cares !

    • care to elaborate...but yea she has been pissy awhile...tonight her work seemed stressful and it just blew up

What Guys Said 1

  • Her anger is not a sign that she cares.

    She's lost a good customer and a good tipper. That's enough to piss her off.

    Women who turn down a guy often have this strange idea that they can still be friends. It allows them to have one more person to talk to in their life, (which they love) without having to do all the sex and dating and stuff with them. They get annoyed when a guy who wanted to date them, doesn't see the point in just being friends.

    In fairness to the girl though, you were not doing yourself any favours. High tips, chocolates and sending her to the spa when you're not even dating - it really makes you look like you're trying to buy her affections, like she's some kind of prostitute. This is not a way to get a date with a decent woman, just so you know. Decent women don't like being treated like whores.

    If you can't get the girl to say yes without showering her in gifts, she's not worth it.