Girls, do you expect guys to plan out your dates?

I'm going out with this guy on the weekend, and when I asked him where we were going he said something along the lines of we'll decide later/depending on what we feel like getting.

I'm not really looking forward to it, firstly because I'm not too sure I like him at all, I'm giving him another chance (this is the second date, the first date didn't excite me). So I was hoping he would be more romantic and plan to bring me to a nice place for dinner, which would make me look forwards to the date more.

Am I wanting too much to expect him to plan it out? I feel he is being somewhat insincere, even though people might say he's just a spontaneous person. I really can't help but feel disappointed and I think maybe he just wants an excuse to get the 2nd date over with so he can get in my pants or whatever.

So guys, if you really like a girl and want to pursue a relationship with her, would you carefully plan your dates or leave it to the moment?

Girls, do you expect your dates to plan where to have dinner at least?

I returned from my date and I was pretty disappointed. Not only did he not plan anything, we walked around aimlessly for a bit, in the end he brought me to a fast food joint. Way to ruin a potentially romantic evening. Thanks everyone for your responses though!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I didn't used to, until I came across a guy who did plan things out, and realized how attractive it was to me. I was pretty nervous about dating for a long while, and a major part of that was all of the uncertainty. I'm a very active participant later on in the dating game, but in the beginning, I find I'm a lot more feminine and fun when the guy is taking the lead. I'm subconsciously more serious and tense when he makes me.

    Take it from a girl who has dated both recently. One who still wouldn't help plan the date just hours beforehand, and another guy who calls a week in advance with a fun idea. It's worth holding out for the guy that plans if that's what you really like. Some girls don't care all that much, but for me, I would dread the date if a guy just left it all up to me. It wasn't fun, and I started to look at him negatively. The guys who had it all planned out were instantly more attractive in my eyes.

    We all have things that attract us to certain people/personality types. Don't feel like you have to settle if that's something that attracts you. For the longest time I thought I hated dating...until I started dating guys with a plan. Now I love it!

    • Yes I think I would like it too if at the beginning the guy takes the lead. It doesn't matter that in my group of girlfriends I usually like taking the lead, with a new guy I would like to be more feminine and let him decide.

      And that guy who wouldn't help plan the date sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad you love dating now! :) I doubt I'll enjoy my date as much (which sucks because I like looking forward to things/dates) but thanks for your opinion! :)

    • No problem! & since you've already agreed to go, just get through it, and then decide if you want to go out with him again after that. In the future if a guy asks you out like that, maybe hold back on agreeing to go until a plan is on the table. It's OK to know what you want and be choosy with your time. Good luck!

    • I had my date and spent quite a lot of time wandering around places - that ended up being closed - and in the end settling for something really subpar. If he had planned exactly where to go & had did his research it would definitely have been a lot more romantic. By the end of it I was just ready to go home. Ugh. Next time I'll do what you suggest & agree only until a plan is on the table!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Alpha males lead and most woman like to be lead, so plans should be in place. Not necessarily that the woman needs to know all details, but the guy should man up if he is really iinterested.. He may make no plans because he sees you as friends? Rule of thumb make it easy for a woman to want to see you not harder!

    Good luck!

  • If I were to plan something, then I'd probably only hint at the dinner or something and don't tell the rest to keep it exciting and surprisingly. However I'd say stuf like dinner or what do you like to eat as a hint. Especially since people dress different for a 'dinner date' then an 'active date'.

    Anyhow I don't know him, so I can't tell if he just doesn't know yet or if he wants to keep it a surprise. How did your first date go? Did you know it beforehand or was it a mystery before it began as well?

    • I do know its going to be dinner date rather than an active date, but among the "dinner" dining places there can be different requirements for dressing. For example if we're going to a posh restaurant I will wear a sexier, more restrictive dress and high heels, but if its just a casual diner wearing that would be silly.

    • Well you should ask him what kind of restaurant you're going too. That way he can still kinda keep the exact place a secret, but at least you know what to wear / what you're up too.

  • i don't think you are asking for much

  • I only make plans in general terms, for dates or otherwise, but I can tell you one thing: if you interests on being with him depends on the date he plans, you definitely aren't into him. If I like a girl I don't need her to plan a date full of entertainment for me, I'll look forward to it because I want to spend time with her, I don't care what we'll be doing.

    • You're spot on. I'm not that into him because I hardly know him, so in that sense wouldn't a nice, well-planned date help me like him more?

    • Show All
    • I completely agree. I realized that if I was truly into him, I would have been happy no matter where we went. I wasn't. And yes I probably would like the coffee better. Thanks for telling it like it is!

    • No problem, better luck next time :-)

  • I will ONLY take the girls I go out with to McDonalds or KFC but she pays for her food, I'll pay for mine. I ain't dating a prostitute so I'm not spending money on her. If that ain't food enough then fine, fo date someone else and I'll date someone who ain't dating me for money :)

    • Just cause a girl wants to do something more exciting and fun than McDonald's doesn't mean she wants you for money.. lol but good luck with that strategy. I'm sure it won't make you look unambitious, cheap and boring or anything...

    • Show All
    • I agree with 05Jueey. If you're taking them only to fast food places AND making her pay for her own food, you are probably not going to impress her or any girl for that matter. You might get a friend, definitely not a girlfriend.

    • update: he has that in order

  • Its hard for guys to plan things out, because as soon as we tell the girt were we are going so many of them start complaining, or trying to change the plans. Either we have to surprise her, or decide as we go. That way she doesn't have time to over think every decision we make.


What Girls Said 6

  • I usually like the date to be planned out.

    I always hated when a guy would say, "Don't know...we'll figure it out when we are together."

    It's like how do I dress or prepare for the occasion?

    I like to know what I am doing.

    You can expect manners...but romance sometimes is something that has to develop.

    In some cases, there must be a fair amount of mutual feelings for that to even surface.

    Why don't you make a suggestion where you would like to go? (If he isn't the type to plan things).

    I think you are expecting too much.

    There's a reason why some guys don't spend an arm and a leg on a date

    because chances are they may never see the girl again.

    If you're not really feeling this guy from the start...a future with you two is very unlikely.

    How is the chemistry?

    Whether you're at a nice dinner...or at a casual restaurant

    the fact if you two are

    compatible will stay the same.

    If you feel like there isn't any chemistry hen don't hope for things to be too different on the second date.

    But its great you are at least giving him a chance.

    I say go with the flow.

    If you have a place in mind you want to check out, then mention it to him.

    • and by arm and a leg, I am in no way implying that you want a pricey dinner. I am just saying that some guys, try to be careful with their money or not spend too much for the reason they may never see that girl again.

    • I completely agree about knowing where we're going because like you I want to know how to dress and would like to dress to fit the location.

      And I don't really expect him to be all out romantic with the flowers or even spend a lot, but I feel like I want him to look like he's trying to impress me somehow. Not planning for the date seems like he's not really trying.

      As for chemistry, I'm hoping this 2nd date will tell me what I need to know but already I'm not impressed but his nonchalance

    • I understand where you are coming from also. I hope you find out what you need to on the 2nd date. <333

  • I wouldn't be very happy if a guy decided to plan what we were going to do.. I get so nervous about dates that I like to be completely in control of what's happening

  • Not really. Sometimes I make plans.

  • No, I would prefer it to be something we both discuss

    Being treated to a date and having him plan everything is nice once in a while

    Likewise I would like to be able to do the same for him on occasion

    But overall I like it when we can both plan or talk about it

  • Yes I do. It's my top priority.

  • Well, if I'm the one that did the asking out, I plan it.

    But if the guy asks me out, then it depends on how well I know him. If I don't him that well (i.e. we just met) and he asked me out, I'd expect him to do the planning. If we were friends beforehand, though, and he asked me out, I wouldn't mind if we played the date by ear.

    I think because (like you said) if you know the guy already and he asks you out, you likely are already into him since you know him as a person, so he doesn't necessarily have to impress you.

    If it's a guy you don't know that well, he's starting from scratch in making an impression on you.