Have I screwed any chance of us up forever?

I've been out of an abusive relationship for one year and four months. I was helping him get over his that's he's been out of for 6 months. Long story short, he initiated more and it's been a cycle ever since for the last two months: We were friends that developed into more as we poured our hearts out to one another, the lines got blurred, I naturally pushed for him to let me in because I cared about him and wanted closeness, he withdraws, I didn't let him have sufficient time to think, he comes back reluctant to open up once again, and the cycle repeats.

I could kick myself.

I've really got to leave him alone.

I'm just hoping he doesn't walk away for good. He's got to figure out how he feels.

Except today, I broke down and text him after 3 days no contact, saying, "Hey, I don't want to bother you, but I just wanted to say hi and that I hope you're doing good. :)" He responded one minute after he read it with "Thanks. I hope you're doing good too." I didn't respond, for fear of being pushy.

The funny thing is that he kind of did the same thing to me earlier this week. He text me Wednesday night, saying "Hey" and I said "Hi" 30 minutes later. He opened it the minute I sent it, but never responded, thus prompting our no contact.

We're a lot alike...I tend to forget this...it makes sense why he did it now...he was afraid he had lost me and wanted to see if I would text him and when I did, he felt clingy and changed his mind by then.

I feel like I need to give him the time to think - the difference in our personalities in male form - and let him bounce back to me once he sees that I can live without him and be independent and give him his man time.

Today, I swear to not mess this up anymore. Do you think we have a chance? We really do have a great connection and I really care about him.

What makes his withdrawal even more interesting is that I know that he finally said goodbye to his ex on Thursday (he had been holding on and was really crazy about her), the day after he messaged me to see if I was still there. Is this a coincidence? Is he trying to see what he really wants? Am I his motivation? He said I have helped him more than anyone and made him believe he deserves better.

Is giving him space the best option?

He opened up to me a lot, but would never let me fully in, or physically close to him.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Set him free. If he really loved you, he WILL come back to you.

    • I think you're right. That's what I'm trying to do. Maybe some time will finally show this guy what I have done for him and also dissolve some of the pain he's feeling from his past relationship. Timing is everything and maybe we just need some time to think and better ourselves...he just has to realize what life without me is like first. Thank you!

    • Good to hear! Hate clich?s but... there are plenty of fish in the sea...and that someone will appreciate all that you are.

    • Thank you. I believe that too. I guess I just care a lot about the guy. I know a lot about his past. I know that he doesn't love himself, nor think he's worthy. But, I do. And, I want to show him that. Make him see what I see. But, I can't unless he decides that he wants me in his life and sees the good woman that I am. I've got to move on and hope that he does contact me, but not fret if he doesn't. Thanks for the kind words. :)

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe it's time to let this relationship go

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